This week I had to put away some more of Penelope’s clothes that don’t fit her anymore. It’s always a bittersweet moment for me. I try to be conscious about the process, key word here is “try.”
Often I rush through the movements, in order to feel the satisfaction of crossing the task off my to-do list. As I fold each item from the laundry basket, I think of the happy moments (that I can actually remember) that we experienced while she was wearing that particular piece of clothing. As I put the piece away in the closet, to either give away later or for baby number 2, I note the transition. I note that I am crossing over yet another threshold, passing yet another milestone and how quickly it is all going by. I will never get these moments back and it makes my heart hurt to think that they have already passed.
One of the many things I stress about as a mother, is how I can be more present in each moment with her, to fully live each moment with her because I know I only get once chance. I want to fully appreciate the moment for one, but also, so I can just plain remember it later when I am old. I can’t tell you how many times, I have been in the middle of some sweet moment with her, and internally I am literally, begging my brain to remember it!
In my childbirth classes I used to teach (that my friend Lindsey now teaches locally), I taught a pain coping technique called Breath Awareness. It’s pretty simple. In a nutshell, you simply bring your full awareness to your breath. You don’t have to breath a specific way, you just breath and notice how you are breathing. You notice everything about your breath. You become in the moment by doing this. I think it’s time I bust out those skills again. They served me well in labor (it didn’t take the pain away, but helped me cope). I want to start practicing my Breath Awareness while I am changing her diaper, feeding her, playing with her, washing bottles and pump parts, etc. It will make me more calm for sure, but hopefully it will help me remember all these precious moments.