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I had a garage sale the other weekend.
I got rid of every single piece of baby gear in my house.
I kept all Penelope’s special wooden toys and all her clothes (I am talking 7 full bins worth) but all the gear, the crib, the highchair, the rocking chair, after the garage sale, the whole nine yards is gone.
I needed it out of my house. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Like I mentioned in this post, I feel like the state of your house directly correlates to your mental state. So whenever I am needing balance or a fresh start, I clear out the clutter.
After the garage sale, I had the courage to give away her clothes too. I kept two full bins of my favorite outfits and every single one of her pajamas. I think I am going to make a quilt with the pajamas and then just keep all my favorite outfits, maybe Penelope’s daughter will wear them one day.
I also like to think of it as cleaning out the suitcase that I carry around with me everywhere. We all carry around our “baggage” and it is up to us to decide when we want to stop lugging it around or at least lighten the load.
During this process many people asked me if I was done having kids. I politely gave my answers, but I know it is not up to me. I don’t get to pick and choose how many children I will have. It’s completely in God’s hands. I do know that I would be fulfilled and feel complete with one child.
I do know that getting rid of my baby stuff does not mean I won’t have anymore babies. It just means I don’t want all that stuff cluttering up my house. Who knows if I will even have another child or how long it will be before I have another child. Or if we adopt, that the child would even be a baby. So why store a crib for 10 years, when a family who needs it, could use it now?
The garage sale was not too hard, nor too easy. I sold 80% of my stuff to friends, so I felt good knowing everything was going to be appreciated and well used. And her baby clothes went to the daughter of my high school sweetheart.
But several times I got teary eyed as I watched someone walk away with something. And I was a sobbing mess when I was going through her clothes picking out the ones I would save.
I had wine on hand for those moments at the garage sale and just poured myself another drink each time I felt like crying. I was pretty tipsy by the end of the night!
But over the next week, I realized that the letting go part is easy. I can let go all the dreams and hopes I had for how my life would have been like with two little ones underfoot at the same time.
Moving on, the starting of new dreams and new plans, is the hard part. Honestly, I am still trying to figure it out. My ecookbook that comes out tomorrow has actually been very therapeutic. I would not have been able to produce it in such a short time, had I been pregnant. I was able to throw myself into it and utilize my creative energy in a different way. So much is shifting and changing for me, I am interested to see what moving on will look like for me.
How do you let go and move on?