Pregnancy & Birth

My Natural Miscarriage Story

Disclaimer: this post will have cursing and will be somewhat graphic at times. If you don’t think you can handle it, please don’t read it.


As most of you know from Facebook, I recently had a miscarriage. I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. The whole experience, even though I know there is always good in every situation, has pretty much sucked ass.

I want to share my story for several reasons:

It is therapeutic for me. I have been so tight lipped about previous miscarriages, that I feel like this miscarriage is an opportunity for me to pull everything back up from the past, things I stuffed down, and really grieve and process them all.

I also think that more women should talk openly about miscarriages. It happens so frequently and it is such a normal part of being a woman, but hardly anyone talks about it or even acknowledges it. For me, in the past when I was younger, I did not want to talk about it at all, even with close friends, because I was so ashamed. I felt like I deserved it and that it was my fault and that it meant I wasn’t good enough to be a mother.

I also want to tell the story of what natural miscarriage at home is like. There is hardly anything online about it. I found this article and this one and then a few random comments on forums. Here is a wonderful blog about pregnancy loss. She even has lots of pictures of what babies look like when they are born this early. And I think it can be a very scary process, especially if you have not had a natural live birth (as in totally drug free) before and do not know what to expect.

So here we go.

At almost 12 weeks, I thought I was in the clear. The pregnancy started out tough with spotting happening from the placenta tearing away and then reattaching. Being on bed rest was hard but I thought it was all behind me and everything would be ok. Viable pregnancy, the doctor said!

When I started spotting again, I figured it would be ok. I figured I would go get an ultrasound and see the heartbeat and it would all be fine. I was trying to stay positive, but I think I must have been a bit delusional.

I had been spotting all weekend and called my high-risk ob first thing in the morning on Monday. I dropped Penelope off at a friend’s and Peter met me at the hospital from work later that morning.

At the ultrasound appointment, the technician was very quiet, and that should have been my tipping point, but finally she said, “Unfortunately, I don’t see a heartbeat.” As a side note, not once did either she or the OB say, “I am sorry.” Or even definitely say, “Your baby is dead.”  Peter actually had to ask them to say it and spell it out. Before he left that office, he needed to hear the doctor say that he was 100% sure the baby was dead.

They left us alone and Peter and I hugged and cried. When the doctor came in, he told me that I could go to the hospital for a D&C or have a natural miscarriage at home. Having a natural miscarriage was a no brainer for me, no question about it. I wanted to avoid the hospital and an operation if I could.

We also talked about having tissue sent off to be biopsed, but opted not to. Peter and I are at a point were we have not 100% closed the door on getting pregnant again, but we are pretty much done being pregnant and we are not going to take any extreme measures or even try to have another baby so it seemed kind of pointless to go to great measures to get tissued. I also did not want to give up any piece of placenta or my baby’s body. I wanted everything to be buried together in my garden.

And then we left. Peter asked if I wanted him to take the day off work and be with me. I just wanted to be alone. I came home and took a long walk around my neighborhood to process everything and make sure I was centered. I also wanted to bring on labor and start the miscarriage as soon as possible. I had long talks with my body about getting this show on the road. I did not want to have to wait weeks for it to start.

Thankfully, I was lucky. My body got right with the program and labor started that night. It started as soon as I put Penelope to bed. I walked around the house for awhile and rocked my hips back and forth during contractions. It started off slow and then got very painful, very fast.

I came out of our bedroom and got Peter and just fell to my knees and started crying. I kept crying and telling him it hurt so bad. After a few minutes I went to sit on the toilet. I sat there thinking, “This is fucking bullshit.” All this pain and all I am going to get out of it at the end is a dead baby to bury. I wanted to go to the hospital to get a D&C. I never actually said it out loud but the thought lingered in my mind for awhile as I worked up the courage to carry on at home.

Then my water broke. Peter looked at me and said, “Um, are you peeing?”  And I was all like, no dude, that is blood and water, not pee. Looking back, similar to Penelope’s birth, right before my water broke I had the same major freak out and thought I wasn’t going to be able to go on.

I passed lots of blood that night, and contractions eased up enough for me to go to sleep around 1am.

The next day I felt fine in the morning, but around 2:30pm the contractions started up again. Peter was home by 3pm and I tried to sit on the couch and watch TV with him and Penelope, to cuddle and nurse her to distract me, but I couldn’t handle the pain. I felt a strong urge to get in the bath.

Again, just liked Penelope’s birth, all I wanted was to get in the warm water. I sat in the warm water for about an hour having contractions. During the contraction, I would tell my body to open. After the contraction, I would just breathe and relax and sometimes curse at the universe for this fucked up shit.

I am not sure how much I dilated, but based on the amount of pain, I would say I got to anywhere between 6 and 8 centimeters. The pain was the same feeling as live birth, but just not as intense. I could feel my cervix opening and my belly getting hard with the contractions. My back felt like it was on fire.

And then the baby came out. It just sort of slid out, similar to the feeling of birthing a full term placenta, but obviously the baby takes up much less space coming out. I put him in my hands and just looked at him. He looked just like a little fetus, all curled up and tiny. I called for Peter to come and he touched him and said some sweet words. I held him for a little bit and I seemed to have a break between contractions. When they started up again, I put him in a Tibetan singing bowl that I have. A cereal bowl didn’t seem to be special enough to hold him.

As a side note, I am so glad that I had that time to hold him and look at him. The day after, I had this huge empty feeling. All I wanted was my baby and to hold my baby. Having had the experience of holding him, even though he was dead, was very comforting to me and gave me a sense of closure.

Then a little while later, I kinda of lost track of time, I birthed a huge chunk of the placenta. I am not sure why it does not all come out in one piece, but breaks apart in chunks. At that point, Peter said “Um, are you going to eat it?”  Which made me laugh because the thought had crossed my mind. But, I didn’t want to. I wanted every piece to be together when we buried everything in the back yard.

I had another little break and decided to get out of the tub and rinse off. The tub at that point was completely dark and red from the blood. It was kind of creepy to be sitting in a pool of blood, but it was also kind of inspiring. The female body never ceases to amaze me. Even during this miscarriage, I am in awe of what my body is capable of.

I got into the shower and had more contractions. A little while later, I birthed another big chunk of placenta. I felt much better after that and got out of the shower a little later.

I am really glad I was in the tub and shower. Sitting on the toilet feels good for many people while miscarrying, but logistically it is pretty gross to go in after and fish out the fetus and placenta if you want to save it. Everything that came out was nice and clean from the fresh water of the tub and shower.

By 9pm, the contractions had stopped and I was eating some soup. I was totally exhausted. And so thirsty I inhaled like a gallon of Gatorade, just like I did after Penelope was born.

That night I felt lighter, and knew the worst was over. I had survived, yet again.

Over the course of the rest of the week, I continued to have cramps and back ache, but I was still able to function. I also started drugging myself with ibuprofen. I also had times of full on contractions. During those contractions, they would come on out of nowhere and then I would go the bathroom and little piece of placenta or tissue would come out.

The first two days, after the worst was over, I felt like a rotting corpse and as if the weight of the world was on my chest, holding me back. Each day has gotten easier and easier. I have been lucky to have Peter taking good care of me and Penelope, and I have already had several acupuncture, energy healing and massage appointments. After my energy healing appointment, the heavy grief lifted immediately.

Physically, I am doing ok. Started some light exercise by the end of the week. I am still bleeding and expect to continue bleeding for at least another week. I am really looking forward to being done bleeding. I am sick of looking at blood, and walking around with a ginormous pad in your crotch is not fun at all.

In the end, I am really glad I was able to do everything on my own and at home. The pain and physical process has helped me deal with the emotional pain. Forcing me to be present and connect my emotional heart to what is going on in my body.

If you have any questions, just let me know and I will try to answer as best I can. This is a pretty good site for more information about natural miscarriage and pregnancy loss. And this blog post has good information about things you can get done to find out why you had a miscarriage.

If anyone is reading this going through a miscarriage and searching for information, my heart goes out to you. I pray that grace washes over you and makes things easier.

Also, one more note, please know that every miscarriage is different. Everybody is different, every pregnancy is different, and every miscarriage, especially depending on how far along you are, is different. An early first trimester miscarriage, in my experience, is not this physically hard. It is more like a heavy period.

*Update*  I wrote about the steps to go through a natural miscarriage so you can avoid a D&C here.

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  • Jess F
    January 31, 2012 at 1:10 PM

    It is fcking bullshit. I hate that you had to go thru this, and have had to before as well.

    I’m with you in the miscarriage club, even though it has been a while for me. Now my husband and I have been TTC for months (6 months plus) and I am so over it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dropped the F bomb and cuss at all of the unwanted pregnancies around me for friends and customers.

    I pray for peace and strength for you.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:22 PM

      Thanks for cussing with me! Sometimes there is nothing really to say other than to drop an f-bomb. Peace and strength right back at you.

      • Tonya
        January 16, 2013 at 6:36 PM

        I am so sorry that you went through this stressful and traumatic time. I cannot relate to having a miscarriage but I sure felt sorrow reading your story and compassion towards you, and I am grateful you’ve shared your story of strength and love.

        • Stephanie
          January 16, 2013 at 7:59 PM

          Thanks so much Tonya.

      • Natasha
        August 10, 2016 at 4:12 PM

        Hi there, I am going through the same as well with a miss miscarriage. This is when the body does not recognize and continues to go as if pregnant. Anyway I want everything to pass natural and my body is having a hard time letting go. I have a few questions, how long did you take walks and what else helped everything go natural I have been waiting a few weeks now and my baby has passed. How do you talk your body into letting go and acceptance. I have accepted on a mental level but physically my body is not with me. I do not want a D&C. I would like it naturally.

    • Carrie
      May 14, 2013 at 2:32 AM

      HI Stephanie,
      Your story spoke to me and is giving me strength and support. I am terribly sorry for your loss, but I am incredibly thankful you were open and had the courage to share it with everyone.
      I came across your blog doing some research for the miscarriage I am currently going through. I am 10 weeks and I found out 4 days ago after spotting for 3 days that my baby doesn’t have a heartbeat. Needless to say, after a day and a half of NONSTOP crying, I decided to do some research since I believed the miscarriage would happen soon. that is when I found your story.
      This is my third miscarriage and I am 41. I have no children and have been married for 14 hers. I have always wanted children and still do, but it is so painful each time this happens. The pain sent me to the emergency room Friday night because I nearly passed out. I am using the tub as you discussed and that has helped; I am passing parts of the placenta each day, but no baby yet. Today I read your story again and I read many of the comments. Although I sit here crying, I do take some comfort that there are so many women who have shared, such as yourself, and have such kind, loving, and supportive words. I feel as though SOMEONE understands.
      Thank you again for your story; it makes me feel connected during my loss at a time when I feel alone and disconnected.

      • Stephanie
        May 14, 2013 at 4:39 AM

        You are so not alone, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs and lots of love and light coming your way.

      • Anjie
        December 1, 2015 at 8:40 PM

        Thank you for sharing these stories. I’ll be 41 in about 2 weeks and I am positive that I am starting to miscarry at 10 weeks. This is my 3rd one and I do not want another D&C. Reading everyones experiences helps me know what to expect. I hope to pass the baby and placenta naturally. Thank you for your bravery!

        • Stephanie
          December 1, 2015 at 9:12 PM

          So sorry to hear that Anjie. Lots of love to you.

      • Takiya Allen
        July 25, 2016 at 7:23 AM

        Thank you everyone for your stories. You really helped and inspired me. This made me feel I’m not alone. The same is happening to me now. I was 10 weeks pregnant and passing threw clots in the toilet. I was in denial. But I know what is happening from stories online. I accept it but I don’t like it. So now im just sitting around and waiting.

        • Lashay
          September 20, 2016 at 10:47 PM

          Same here, I guess even though everyone in my family are still so hopeful for a healthy baby, I believe I am miscarrying the baby. I’ve been bleeding for days, low hcg levels, even though they are raising I know they are very low at six weeks. Im glad I found this and it gives some relief to know I can quietly do this at home alone. I don’t feel like anyone understands and I’m so sad to see blood every time I go to the bathroom. I almost don’t want to even go check the baby next week because I know a miscarriage is coming. My cervix was open the size of a pin tip today which just told me my body is going to expel my little baby. Thanks for the insight I’m going to soak in the tub after this post and hope it helps the process.

    • Tiffani
      February 20, 2015 at 12:48 AM

      I’m with you on the cursing the unplanned pregnancy thing. I found out I was pregnant on Feb 7. I started the miscarriage process yesterday. It’s my very first pregnancy and it was planned. I was so excited. I already had names and a nursery theme.
      Now I’m just so broken. It’s like I’ll never be okay again. And I see all of these people around me that are pregnant without even trying and it’s just not fair.

      • Stephanie
        February 22, 2015 at 10:47 AM

        So sorry for your loss Tiffani. Thanks so much for sharing your story. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

        • Natasha
          September 8, 2015 at 6:23 AM

          I’m currently going through process now, I’m 6 weeks and I really just want to get the process over without having the D&C done. Dr sent me home to finish naturally your story has inspired me, but I really want this to be over I can’t enjoy my 19 month old or my husband because they are concerned about me. Please help

          • Stephanie
            September 17, 2015 at 2:50 PM

            I am so sorry for your loss Natasha. You will be in my prayers.

      • Gabby
        February 25, 2015 at 11:55 AM

        Tiffani, your comment is so recent and I wanted to let you know your not alone. I lost my pregnancy this weekend right after the 12 week mark. I had too much clotting and blood loss to make it through at home and had to go to the ER for the D&C procedure. It’s very hard to process the loss, especially seeing all the ultrasound photos of friends who are announcing their babies that will be due around the time mine would have been. It’s hard because it happened so fast. Last week we were celebrating and planning and this week I’m empty. I don’t know how long we’ll want to wait to try again, but I do feel a real sense of loss not only about my baby, but also about all the plans we had set in place. It’s hard to go back to thinking about life with just the two of us. It’s comforting to me to see other peoples stories and know that a healthy pregnancy is very likely next time.

  • eidolons
    January 31, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    Oh Stephanie. I’m so sorry to hear that you and your family had to go through this. I’m thankful that you were able to find closure and some measure of peace. I’m sending the biggest of internet hugs your way.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:29 PM

      Thank you so much.

  • Sarah
    January 31, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    Hugs to you, mama. Your post brought tears, having been there myself as well. Thanks for sharing your story – it will be so helpful to future women.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:30 PM

      I sure hope so.

  • Heather
    January 31, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story; it is terrible and beautiful and tragic, all at the same time. I, too, am a miscarriage survivor, and you are right—it needs to be spoken of. I wish you peace, healing and love.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:30 PM

      Thanks for sharing and your kind words.

      • Christ
        August 12, 2013 at 1:12 PM

        I am so ,sorry for the loose of you baby God he is a healer and a provide you will get another one so soon.

  • Mikki
    January 31, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this and thank you for sharing. I think women need to talk about it more. I had two miscarriages and an ectopic and I was so ashamed of them at first. Now I’m not afraid to open up and talk about it anymore. Lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:31 PM

      I am glad to know that I am not the only one who felt so ashamed. Thanks so much for sharing.

  • Liz
    January 31, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    Hugs and good thoughts to you and your family. I know this was hard for you, but I also know it is helping those of us who have lost.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:31 PM

      I didn’t realize telling my story would be so helpful, I am so glad to hear that. It makes me feel better for sure.

  • jennifer
    January 31, 2012 at 2:44 PM

    So sorry to hear this, but really glad you shared your experience. It is difficult to understand in a cosmic sense how some women can have one healthy pregnancy after another (my sister-in-law, for example, started having kids at 32 and is pregnant with her 6th at 41 — no issues for her or the babies), and some must endure such difficulty. I opted for a d&c when I lost our last pregnancy. I went two weeks without any blood or signal that labor was starting, and the waiting got the better of me. I remember walking around with a freaking Ziploc in my purse because I didn’t know how the baby would come out if I went into labor, but didn’t feel right if it happened in a toilet out in public to flush the baby. Thank you for giving this information, as hard as it was to do so, as I’m sure it will help women who go through this experience. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? I wish all women the courage to talk about their miscarriage experience (it is so helpful in the healing process), and for those they speak to the fortitude to at least say they are sorry to hear about it even if they can’t think of anything else to say.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:32 PM

      I feel so lucky that I didn’t have to walk around with a ziploc bag! I guess things can always be worse, right. Thanks so much for taking the time to share.

  • Christina
    January 31, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Such strength and courage you have to share such a personal story. Sending internet **HUGS** your way!! ♥♥♥

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:33 PM

      Thank you Christina.

  • sarah
    January 31, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! Sending you lots of love this week. I’m glad to hear that things are getting easier.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:33 PM

      Thanks so much Sarah.

  • Cindy
    January 31, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate you sharing your experience. I’ve lost three as I’ve shared here:

    Be well.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:37 PM

      Thanks so much for including your link Cindy. Your first paragraph really resonates with me. I plan on doing an entire post on how the world sort of has this negative association with only children. Thanks for taking the time to share. Love to you.

  • Benay
    January 31, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    my heart breaks for you. i’m glad you wrote about this for other women to read. thank you.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 11:37 PM

      Thank you.

  • Lindsey
    January 31, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    First, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can not even begin to imagine how hard it was to look at and hold that sweet baby, and know that that was all the time you were going to get with him. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is such a personal and heartbreaking thing. I thank you for sharing.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:25 AM

      Thanks so much Lindsey.

  • Amanda M.
    January 31, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    Wow. I was 16 when I suffered a miscarriage. My family fully supported me during the pregnancy (I’m lucky to have an amazing family), and everything would have worked out ok in the end had I been blessed with that baby, but God had other plans for me. I’ve never read about natural miscarriages, although that is what I had. I was offered the D and C but denied it because I’m anti hospitals unless absolutley necessary. I chose to let nature run its course after my dr (who I refused to see again after this) told me that I’d simply bleed a heavy period. Complete and udder bullshit from my dr… never once did he warn me as a 16 year old child myself, that I would see my baby pass. I was dumbfounded, terrified and didn’t know how to react. Considering this happened to me when I was 16, it was not something that I could really talk about to my friends. I was already so much more mature then them on so many levels because of going thru this, they wouldn’t understand and wouldn’t understand the great depths of this. Your story is very similar to mine, and I’ve never read one like yours before. Although I was not in the bath tub, we have many similarities. I had a lot of therapy and antidepressants after going through this. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for disussing and opening up about the un discussable.
    Fast forward 13 years… I now have a handsome (almost 7 year old) son, Gunner and a beautiful (15 months) daughter, Layken.
    Thank you again.
    Stay strong.
    Prayers for you all.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:30 AM

      My heart goes out to the 16 year old you. I wonder how many other teenagers have gone through the same experience in absolute silence. If you think of all the grown, married women that suffer alone, it really puts a perspective on how terrified teenage girls are. I wonder if even Dr’s don’t really know what goes on during a miscarriage. Just like in live birth, how they are loosing the skills and information being passed down on how to deliver twin births or breech babies, because no body does it anymore…I wonder how much information we have lost over generations because of women being silent about miscarriages. Anyway, thanks for sharing and lots of love to you.

    • Emma
      February 15, 2013 at 3:13 AM

      I am 21 years old and got pregnant unexpectedly with my fiancé a couple months ago. Even though this baby was unplanned, when we found out it was gone, I died inside. Thank you for writing your story! I couldn’t imagine a 16 year old feeling how I feel. You are such a strong person… I know I will get through this just like all of you have! Light and Love<3

      • Stephanie
        February 15, 2013 at 2:36 PM

        Yeah, even an unplanned pregnancy that ends in miscarriage is devasting. So sorry for your loss.

  • Christy
    January 31, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing it is healing for me to know I am not alone. It seems to me in the past you even mention the word misscarriage and the room of women go quiet and no one knows how to respond. I have had people tell me I am sorry to maybe this is Gods way to tell you not to have anymore children. It has been almost 12 years since my last one and still I think about the mouth that he would have been born and seeing his heartbeat and hearing it and having a doctor tell me there was nothing that she could do, to find out from another doctor that one small test might have saved him. Thank you again and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:32 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing Christy.

    • jennifer
      September 2, 2013 at 12:02 AM

      I was just curious as to which test you were referring to? I want to cover all my bases.

      • Stephanie
        September 3, 2013 at 1:45 AM

        There are tests that be done on the tissue of the placenta and baby and then there are blood tests that you can do to rule out things like MTHR, a clotting disorder that can cause chronic miscarriages.

  • Kelly
    January 31, 2012 at 5:12 PM

    I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured back in August while on a family vacation and am pregnant now (9-1/2 weeks) and am terrified of a miscarriage. I had no idea what actually happens during a miscarriage. You’re a brave woman for putting your story out there, but I am oh so thankful. {{HUGS}}

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:34 AM

      Lots of love and light to you. I know its easier said than done, but try not to stress. It really is out of your hands and no amount of worrying can do anything. Something that helped me with my pregnancy with my daughter, because I too, was terrified of loosing her, is a mantra I said over and over again, when I was worried. I would say “thank you for being here” and rub my belly. Its kind of silly, but it helped.

  • Amanda
    January 31, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    Thanks for sharing. These tears on my face are helping to heal my heart from my miscarriage 2 years ago. Such a beautiful thing to keep and bury your baby. Yes we as woman need to be more honest and allow ourselves to mourn!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:35 AM

      Your comment is so touching. To know that this post helped heal someone’s heart is more than I could have ever hoped for. Thanks so much for sharing. Lots of love to you.

  • Victoria
    January 31, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    I was just scanning pinterest looking for crock pot recipes and it took me to this blog. I’m SO glad that i read this, b/c this happened to me while we were on our family vacation with 16 people in a cabin on Thanksgiving break in the mountains. We were 14 hours from home and it was SO miserable. I agree with all the cuss words times 100. It is hard for me to get on facebook b/c everyone is pregnant now, and having babies, even though i try not to be jealous or envious it is so hard.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:37 AM

      I can’t even imagine. I am so lucky that I had some privacy. It is hard not to be jealous, before I had my daughter I went through a stage where I couldn’t even talk to my friends who had babies, so be easy on yourself. But now that I at least have Penelope, I don’t have those same feelings towards pregnant friends. In fact, I am so happy for them. So happy they did not have to go through I what I went through.

  • jamie
    January 31, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    I am a 28 year old without children, and I had NO idea the process was like long and painful! My mom had four miscarraiges when she was trying to have me, and she has never mentioned anything like that. Thanks for the education! My heart goes out to you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:38 AM

      Every miscarriage is different, and early first trimester ones are more like really bad periods. But in general, a late first trimester and beyond miscarriage is like a mini birth. Your body is doing the exact same thing, but just on a smaller scale. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

  • Julie @ PushingTwigs
    January 31, 2012 at 6:46 PM

    I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. And I’m very grateful that you shared your experience with a miscarriage at home. I am a former women’s health nurse practitioner, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been the one holding that ultrasound probe having to tell someone that their baby died. I can’t believe that the person who did yours didn’t say anything that resembled a “sorry”. Me? I usually ended up crying openly with my patient, not because I meant to, but because dammit, it is just a terribly sad thing to lose a child – I don’t care how far along you are.

    Incidentally, I am pregnant right now, and at around 10 weeks, I was laying on my couch on a Sunday night and felt a gush of fluid like my water broke, and I was just sure that I was miscarrying. I ran to the bathroom and was bleeding, and it got worse over the next hour or so. I wondered what I was in for, so I feverishly started Googling “miscarriage at home 10 weeks”. I was scared and hurting and sad and bawling. Even with my background I didn’t have a clue. I was panicking. There was nothing that I could find that was helpful on the internet..I wanted to know what kind of pain to expect, what it would feel like to hold my poor baby in my hands (if I had the chance). I knew there would be a lot of bleeding, but I wanted to know the nitty gritty, ugly details.

    Turns out, when I went to the doc on Monday, the baby was fine. I was absolutely shocked. Turns out I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, and the experience I had may have been the passing of a twin that hadn’t developed properly. Even knowing what I know, I didn’t know that.

    Again, thank you for sharing your experience, because maybe the next time there’s someone looking for that type of information, she’ll find your story and be a little more comforted…sending thoughts and prayers to you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:40 AM

      I hate that you had to have the momentary stress of the blood that comes from a sub chronic hemorrhage. I was so hoping that was what was going on with me, but no such luck. Congratulations on your pregnancy and thanks so much for sharing your story!

  • Rebecca
    January 31, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for speaking so openly and lifting the cloud of secrecy surrounding miscarriage. I think this is so important, because for those who find out that they will miscarry, it can be scary to not know what to expect…and for those who have experienced it, they need to hear that they are not alone. And for those who are the support system, it can be helpful to be able to empathize. Thank you for your courage!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:40 AM

      Loved your comment, thank you!

  • Alicia
    January 31, 2012 at 7:17 PM

    Wow, thank you for sharing your emotional story. Thinking about you during this difficult time.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:40 AM

      Thanks so much Alicia.

      • Alicia
        February 2, 2012 at 6:33 PM

        I have been writing out my Mom’s birth stories (all 11 of them!) and the day I read your story, she emailed me her 8th story which ended early in pregnancy due to miscarriage. I had heard all about the other pregnancies before, but this was my first time hearing her miscarriage story. After she read your story she agreed that is just as important for women to share these, so thank you for being so brave.

  • esther
    January 31, 2012 at 7:20 PM

    thank. you. stephanie. the strength of a woman is something a man will never know.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:41 AM


  • Megan
    January 31, 2012 at 7:30 PM

    I had no idea there were options! I have never heard of a natural miscarriage, thank you so much for sharing your story. As everyone else has said I am so sorry for your loss, no one deserves to go through that. You are such a brave and strong woman!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:41 AM

      Well, I am glad I wrote this post then! Thanks for your sweet words.

  • Anna
    January 31, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am crying my eyes out for your pain and reliving when I had a miscarriage at around 10 weeks with my first pregnancy. It was a very tramatic experience, both with the miscarriage and how we were treated at the hospital, and by friends and family. We were young and newly married and everyone kept saying to us, “Oh, well you guys are so young, blah blah blah….” It was the most painful experience for me emotionaly and I felt like I was all alone. Of course my husband grieved but it was different for me since that baby was inside me, and already a part of me. I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason, and now I can see why it happened. We needed a little more time for growing up and spending more time as a newly married couple before having children. We now have three kids, but I always see other kids that would be around the first babies age and think of how that could have been my child. Thanks again, I never have talked about it and I feel like I just had some therapy!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:42 AM

      Your post brought tears to my eyes. It means the world to me that I could help you heal in some small way. Thanks so much for sharing and lots of love to you.

  • Jen
    January 31, 2012 at 7:58 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I applaud you for writing this blog to let people know it is ok to talk about a miscarriage. I had a natural miscarriage at 7 weeks along almost 3 years ago. I felt so alone and felt like people who never suffered the loss did not understand my needing to take about it and mostly that they thought I should just move on, after all it was only 7 weeks, barely a baby yet as one family member told me! To a family who had been trying to get pregnant for 6 months, the moment the pregnancy test came out positive it was a baby to me. Thankfully my husband and mother understood and I had my 2 and a half year old son to cuddle with. We also stopped trying to have a baby after the miscarriage, but were lucky enough to get pregnant again and I now have a beautiful little girl. When i went in to see my doctor after the miscarriage the first thing he said when he walked in the room was “this was not your fault” That has stuck with me more then anything else that was said. At the time I didn’t believe it, still thought about what I could have done to make the baby healthier and stronger, but looking back I couldn’t have asked him to say anything nicer to me to help with the grief. Good luck on your journey. I wish you nothing but the best.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:43 AM

      How wonderful that you had someone tell you that it is not your fault. It is absolutely true. Thanks for sharing and lots of love to you.

  • Dionna @ Code Name: Mama
    January 31, 2012 at 7:58 PM

    What an incredibly strong mama you are. Thank you for helping to lift the silence of the many, many mamas who lose babies. Wrapping you in love from afar.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:45 AM

      Thanks so much Dionna.

  • Lisa
    January 31, 2012 at 7:59 PM

    I am the mother of 4 children. My first child (a son) is severely disabled and total care.He is 28 yrs old. I have 3 daughters ages 17, 15 and 11 who are not handicapped. My first pregancy with my son was my easiest he has CP due to a virus I caught during pregnancy(CMV) and it caused his problems. My 2nd pregancy was easy. My third I had to go on bedrest at 30 wks due to bleeding. When she was born a lot of my placenta was already dead so it was detaching and that what caused the bleeding/pre term labor. 10 months after her birth I had a miscarriage at 8 wks. Bleeding, cramping but no hospitalization. Then about 6 months later a miscarriage at 12 wks. This one I went to the hospital alone because I had no one to watch the kids. So my husband stayed home with them. We are military and did not have family close to where we were stationed and no neighbors/friends to call. Waiting in a room for 4 hours not sure what was going on. Finally I was seen by the ER doc and they listened for a hearbeat and heard nothing then did an ultrasound. Nothing. My Hcg was very high and one doc said “Are you sure your 12 wks?” and I knew exactly how far along I was and said “Yes” and he said your Hcg is so high, it may have been twins” the nurse shot him a look like “Shut up!!” . I was not offered a d and c and told to go home and would pass “products of conception” on my own. So I did. I had a lot of cramping and bleeding but never passed a fetus so I was surprised when I read that actual fetus were delivered. . So I don’t know why I did not at 12 wks. Then 4 yrs later became pregnant again. Went to doc and she found out my progesterone was low and put me on meds. She said if I had waited just a few more days I would have miscarried. Feel so lucky she checked my progesterone. She asked about my other miscarries and I told her I did not ever have a answer why it happened. That is why she checked my progesterone. So most likely that is what caused my two miscarriages. But after this child was born the doc said I probably should not have any more kids. I still think about the children I lost but know they are in heaven and we will meet one day.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:47 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing. Not all women who miscarriage late in the first trimester can see a fetus. Everyone is different. Sometimes the baby dies earlier and the miscarriage only started weeks later. Some women absorb the fetus and what comes out is in pieces and not fully formed. I feel very, very lucky, that both my baby and placenta were pretty much intact. Lots of love to you.

  • jenna
    January 31, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    wow I had no idea a miscarriage was just like an actual birth. I had a miscarriage when I was younger but I went the medical route only because I had no idea you could do it naturally. I thought you HAD to do it that way. Well, now I know, thank you for sharing your story. There is good in everything, and you are way more stronger for this I am sure. I understand your pain and I pray for you in your healing process, sometimes we cannot see what lies ahead for us and that makes dealing with right now difficult. Your body always knows best, so trust it. And embrace what you have in your life already. Much light and healing for you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:48 AM

      Thanks so much for your comment. I am thrilled to get the word out there that natural miscarriage is an option if you want it.

  • mommato3
    January 31, 2012 at 8:23 PM

    So sorry for your loss. I lost one at 14 weeks unexpectedly. It was so sad. No one talks about it. We should…. we should let those feelings out. I now have a 7month old and my 5 and 10 year olds. I often think about that sweet baby and where I would be today if things were different. Now we are done … but I still feel like I am missing part of this family.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:49 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing. Lots of love to you.

  • Tara
    January 31, 2012 at 8:36 PM

    Losing a child SUCKS! It doesn’t matter if you are 1 day, 1 month, full term, or its a normal born child. I have suffered the same experience but only different. I was full term and only 7 short days from my actual due date when I started having pains that I assumed were contractions. I found out later that they weren’t actual contractions but my body telling me something wasn’t right. I, too, received the look from the lady doing the sonogram telling me that she couldn’t find the heartbeat of my unborn son. I was younger and my doctor was GREAT. He informed me exactly of all my options and I decided to get the whole process started. The doctor informed me that my body was fighting the birthing process and that it could take up to 72 hours of hard contractions…I was determined that it wouldn’t. Less than 24 hours later I gave birth to a son that looked perfect in every way a baby could, except he wasn’t breathing. I held him, loved him, and my family was blessed to do the same. I am so thankful that the doctor and nurses allowed me the process of holding him and saying goodbye. Sometimes life can really SUCK. I grieved hard and long. His funeral came and went but I will always know that this momma has an angel above. Through the years I have watched my children since then grow up and I can’t help but feel robbed. I have watched my friends lose children from miscarriages, tragic accidents, or illness and I think WHY. Why does it happen, Why does it???? The answer lies different within each mother’s heart. I am so sorry for your loss. People say it gets easier but I will tell you that it doesn’t get easier – YOU just learn how to handle it better.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:50 AM

      Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. I totally agree, it doesn’t matter how far along you are, loosing a baby is loosing a baby. The pain is all the same. Lots of love to you.

      • Angie
        April 3, 2016 at 5:08 PM

        Thanks Stephanie for your sharing. I am recovering from my first ,1st trimester, miscarriage. This us our 2nd time being pregnant. First was at 35yo and delivered a beautiful baby boy ( he’s 18 mos now) when i was 36. Just before my 38th birthday we found out we were pregnant again….happy too as it took us 6 months of TTC. Happy as larks were we when we went for our 6 week ultrasound. Yup….fetal pole present and with a strong heartbeat! So excited. I spotted early on and we thought it was implant bleeding. Then, a month later a littke more spotting but nothing heavy and all dark brown. Then, hust as week 9 was going to start i haf some light spotting but lasted less than a day. We were excited for wk 10 ….the first heartbeat check up.
        I went alone and my husband was watching our 18 mos old at home. For just a moment the night before the appointment, I mentioned to my husban d ” what if there’s no heartbeat?” we both sat for a moment and reminded ourselves that ” that’s not going to happen and it’ll all be fine. I was just getting nervous ” as is typical of me…which is true!
        My heart sank when the nurse couldnt find the heartbeay on the doppler. Then they tried to scan me….nothing was in the uterus. My OB was there to comfort me….she us amazing! She wisked me over to the better ultrasound machines and the rech did a vaginal probe scan whike mt OB was present….as anticipated- no baby. We lost the pregnancy.
        I was sad and shocked and numb. After talking we decided my hubby and i would come back the next day for the pill to have miscarriage at home.

        I passed a lot of clots and what i imagine was bits of lumpy placenta. Nothing felt like a baby. I was in a mall with hubby doing some errands on day medicine was given and passed a lot of tissue in restroom at mall. Now i am concerned i could have flushed my 10 week old baby. Since reading other people’s testimonies, is it possible that there was no physical baby to deliver?? There was no baby showing on the ultrasound. Therefore, i think i just passed najor clots and placental tissue.
        Can someone help dispell this for me? Thanks!!

        • Stephanie
          April 6, 2016 at 5:47 AM

          Thanks for sharing your experience Angie and so sorry for your loss. Yes, it is totally possible there is no body to deliver. Sometimes your body starts breaking down the fetus and parts before delivery. Each female body is unique in how they handle a miscarriage, but typically the further along you are in the miscarriage the more likely an intact fetal form will be delivered, but not always.

  • Jeanna
    January 31, 2012 at 8:43 PM

    You are so brave. I get so mad when I think of the doctors that don’t inform women of what will happen when they miscarry at home. Thank you for sharing this as I know it will help many women. I wish I had been better informed before I birthed our babies.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:51 AM

      I hope this helps lots of women too.

  • lia dominique andress
    January 31, 2012 at 8:56 PM

    ay. i’m so proud of you to build up this and share this story. it is really something else. that you literally birthed a baby. there was no way of getting around the process, it was like any other birth. and so fucked up that twist of fate. i’m sorry and yet i know that you will heal from this and find a way to bring a higher meaning to your grief.

    my love to you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:53 AM

      Thanks so much Lia. It is pretty mind blowing when you think about it, how much a miscarriage is like birth. And yet, I think it is only mind blowing because we haven’t been talking about it. What I did and went through was nothing special. Women have been doing it, since the beginning of time. We just lost the information.

  • Rachel
    January 31, 2012 at 9:02 PM

    You should check out It is an online support group for women who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss. Teske Drake is the founder and she has quite a story herself. (((HUGS))) from Iowa.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:44 PM

      I will check that out now. Thank you so much.

  • Christie
    January 31, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. I want to thank you for sharing your experience. I’ve always wondered what happens in this situation and think you’re very strong for sharing it and putting your feelings and experience out there. Lots of love and prayers your way.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:30 AM

      Thanks so much Christie.

  • Brooke Walters
    January 31, 2012 at 9:31 PM

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I also just went thru a miscarriage myself . We became prego in September of 2011 and when i went in for my 10 week apt. we found out that we where having twins which was a running joke in our family that we would have twins! We where super excited but at the same visit they couldnt find a heat beat for either baby. It was soo devasting! This was our first pregnancy and we had no clue or sign that anything was wrong, everything seemded to be fine on my end. We opted for a D&C, bc I had no clue how it would have happened and didnt wanna walk around playing the waiting game with my body. The Lord really blessed me though i had no bleeding after my D&C and my periods are back on track and a regular schedule!! We are going to start tryng again Really Soon!! I know that God does all things for a reason, but its stil hard to deal with!! I would suggest 2 things to anyone that has had a miscarriage and is still having a rough time ( i still have rough days; its takes time) If you like to read and its a very easier reader and quick then read Heaven is for Real… and also there is a video on you tube called 99 ballons…it helped me copue with my emotions of losing my babies. Job 1:21 God Gives, God Takes, God’s name be ever blessed.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:45 PM

      THank you for sharing your miscarriage story and for the reading suggestions. I really appreciate it.

      • Brooke Walters
        February 6, 2012 at 8:40 PM

        your welcome!!! I know people say alot and that sometimes it doesnt help…but i wanna be able to help people with something that i have been thru before!

  • Natalie
    January 31, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    I’m so sorry that you’ve not only had to go through this, but other miscarriages as well. My first pregnancy ended around 10 weeks. I had stopped having pregnancy symptoms other than being very tired all of the time but I thought that was just because I was nearing the end of the first trimester. Unfortunately, I started spotting. In my heart, I knew it could be nothing other than a miscarriage. We went to the ER and the scan revealed that our baby was only measuring 6 weeks with no heartbeat. We’re not sure what caused our baby’s death, or when exactly it happened. One of the worst parts of that night was hearing the doctor refer to our baby as a ‘product of conception’ rather than a baby. My grandmother helped me feel better about that later but at the time, I just couldn’t believe how heartless he was! For me, it was a no brainer to have a D&C. I did not want to have to give birth to my baby and see it in my hands, dead. All of this was after almost 2 years of trying without a success. I will freely admit that I had a severe breakdown. I missed work. I cried non-stop when I was able to make myself get up and go in the morning. I lost my appetite. All I could do was pray to God that our baby was safe in heaven. We did have the tissue tested for genetic abnormalities which revealed he was a boy. We gave him a name and keep his memory close. I got help from my doctor (medication) and a counselor and I’m functioning much better now. I’m able to talk about miscarrying without reliving the emotions which was one of my counseling goals. I also think it’s important to talk about what it’s like so that more people feel comfortable to share. I really appreciate you doing so!

    We are now pregnant again with twins this time! Every cramp, every pinch of pain scares me. I even spotted over the weekend but thankfully both of the babies are ok with good heartbeats. They just think it was implantation blood. It’s very scary to think that I could miscarry again and lose two babies this time.

    I hope that you are able to be at peace with what happened. If you do decide to try again, I strongly suggest getting your vitamin D and thyroid tested. Vitamin D deficiency is especially subtle but can cause so many problems.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 1:31 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. That is very interesting about the vitamin d deficiency, I have not heard of that before and will have to do more research. Lots of love to you.

  • Amy
    January 31, 2012 at 9:37 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss – I wish you healing on all levels. Thank-you for sharing your story. I had a miscarriage last summer and felt extremely alone. I didn’t tell anyone (other than my husband) for about a week – looking back I’m not sure why. But once I did open up to my family and some close friends, I felt more open to grieve. I also had 2 friends that shared their miscarriage stories with me, which was a huge help. I always say “Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is half sorrow”. Thank-you again for being open about your experience… it will benefit others as well as yourself.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:46 PM

      I love that saying! I will have to steal that, thank you! Thanks for sharing your story, I hope it inspires others to be more open about miscarriage too. Lots of love to you.

  • Tami
    January 31, 2012 at 9:53 PM

    Thank you for putting into words what it feels like to have a miscarriage. After my third I just can’t try to add to our family anymore. The grief, anger, and heartbreak…

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:48 PM

      Thank you for reading. I added in at the end, that every miscarriage is different, so my experience with this one, may not what every one’s physically is like, but the emotions are pretty much the same across the board. I am glad I am not the only one, who doesn’t want to add to their family after miscarriages.

  • Sandy H
    January 31, 2012 at 10:45 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss! Know that I am holding you in my heart and prayers and wishing I could hold you in my arms as well.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:48 PM

      Thank you so much Sandy.

  • Krista
    January 31, 2012 at 11:19 PM

    It is really hard to open up so publically about what you have just been through. I commend you for your strength, honesty & sincereity. I myself have had 3 “at home” miscarriages. They were several years ago and even though it isn’t a daily struggle anymore it does still hold a place in my heart. I thought that once I had a child that pain would just disappear but it doesn’t really work that way. I agree that women do NOT talk about it (just like they don’t admit to PP Depression). I try to always be open to anyone who asks about it or is going through it. Talking about it is therapeutic but does often bring up all of the emotions again. Even though it is common it is incredibly shattering not only to a woman but to the partner and sometimes to the relationship in general. It can be a very lonely struggle. I wish you luck and peace in your journey and I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a hard experience.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:51 PM

      So hard! I am finding the more I open up, the easier it becomes to open up even more. I agree, women do not speak about PPD enough either. Thanks so much for sharing and lots of love to you.

  • Kristi
    January 31, 2012 at 11:26 PM

    I want to send out ((HUGS)) I had never heard of a natural miscarriage until my young niece opted to have one. I didn’t know how to help her and she cried on the phone with me and I felt so bad for her that I couldn’t just hold her and tell her it would all be alright. Your reality is a good one to share for others out there, maybe to not be as scared about what is going on with their own. Thank you for sharing.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:52 PM

      Thanks so much Kristi.

  • Nat
    January 31, 2012 at 11:50 PM

    Sorry for your loss. I don’t know you, but you are a strong woman! I thought I was tough, HA! Reading your story took me back to one of my worst M/C at 21wks! From finding out about no hrtbt, to the emptiness after the D&C! When you describe holding your child in your hand, I tried to imagine, but that’s when I decided you are STRONG! As much as it hurt and I’ve learned to live with it, I can’t imagine going through the birthing process…even though the pain must be comforting, in a loving kinda way. Thanks for sharing, this is the first time I write about that experience, it happened in 2007. I’ve been blessed with a son since, I’m grateful every minute of every hour of every day! God bless you!!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:53 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing, especially for your very first time. Lots of love to you.

  • april
    February 1, 2012 at 12:01 AM

    I just happen to stumble across your site…maybe I was led here?I am 8 weeks pregnant,my 4th pregnancy,3rd child.I too miscarried.It was about 9 years ago and I was 14 weeks along.I have always thought that no one else could have possibly gone through exactly what I had,but you did.I was sent home to do it the natural way.Unlike you,I did not have the courage to look into the toilet.Many times I wish I had.Many people can say they “feel” your pain,or know what you are going through,truth of the matter is no one does.Everyone reacts in different ways.I can tell you I do feel for you,my heart aches.May God and family comfort you ,you are in my prayers.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:55 PM

      Thank you so much for your comment. I am sure it will be comforting to other women, who may not want to hold, or fish everything out of the toilet. There is no right way to miscarriage or grieve. I appreciate you sharing.

  • Amanda M.
    February 1, 2012 at 12:03 AM

    I had no idea miscarriage naturally like that was just like birth (the physical pain factor – the grief I know is beyond imagination). My first daughter was stillborn at 27 weeks; she had died in utero and I was induced. And I had severe preeclampsia. My heart breaks for you. In half. I am so sorry about this loss and the previous babies you’ve lost as well. It has been ten years (and I have a 6-year-old) since the loss of my first baby girl. I think of her every day. It is so hard. The grief lifts and lightens, and I have deep faith, but as a human I am still sad sometimes that she’s not right here in my arms. XOXO to you. Praying for you.

  • Happiness Is...
    February 1, 2012 at 1:35 AM

    I just stumbled across your blog by chance – via Pinterest of all things – and had to say thank you for posting this and thank you for being so open. I had a miscarriage in November 2011 and chose to also go through with everything at home and there are simply NO resources out there. I have not gotten brave enough to blog about it yet, but I do talk openly with my friends and other bloggers. I am with you in that the female body is an AMAZING thing. I just knew what to do and like you preferred the shower/bath. The toilet felt wrong for whatever reason. Praying for your family and your babies in heaven.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:56 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing! Glad to know there other women who miscarried in the tub and shower. Lots of love to you.

  • Gina Davenport
    February 1, 2012 at 1:51 AM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I too have suffered thru miscarriage 3 to be exact. I had 1 d&c and the other 2 were at home.. It is a flood full of emotions and I pray that you find comfort. I do have 2 live Children ages 11 and 19. I had 2 miscarriages from PG that was planned then had my 2nd son and a few years later suffered my 3 and final.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:57 PM

      Thank you for sharing yours.

  • Gina Davenport
    February 1, 2012 at 1:54 AM

    Forgot to mention that I did find you thru Pinterest. I also did Find a Book when I went thru my MC’s that seemed to help me.. the book was called Miscarriage A woman Doctors guide written by Lynn Friedman MD with Irene Daria

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:58 PM

      I will have to check that book out, it sounds interesting, thank you.

  • Heather
    February 1, 2012 at 1:55 AM

    Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’ve never considered miscarrying at home in the past so I am so thankful that you shared your experience. I am relieved to know a D&C isn’t the only option. I think being at home would be much better, emotionally, for me. Healing thoughts and positive energy to you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:59 PM

      So glad to know that people are finding out an alternative to D/C’s. I have never had an D/C, so I can’t really speak about the differences but I do feel that being at home, had helped tremendously with the grieving process.

  • Katrina Simpson
    January 31, 2012 at 8:58 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss buy I appreciate you sharing. I can’t imagine what you must have through but I am in complete awe of your courage and strength. Your my hero, I wish for your happiness in the future.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:44 PM

      Thank you so much Katrina.

  • rose
    February 1, 2012 at 2:12 AM

    Wait, what.

    I just commented on your the FB post for the blog. But then I came back for a re-read.

    I’m an RN, I’ve worked on the “special” unit of one of the country’s largest/busiest Women’s hospitals… I’ve seen all kinds of pregnancies and births gone wrong. I’ve prepped passed little angels that didn’t make it.

    A year ago I had my own 13 week MC.

    I opted for Cytotec + home. My husband was deployed, in Afghan. I live in Hawaii, my family is all on the east coast. It was literally the week before Xmas when I took the Cytotec. I bled for 30 days. I did have to collect the tissue samples and bring it in.

    My experience was sad, traumatic, hard and changing.

    I found VERY limited resources online to help me out.

    I am having a really hard time understanding your process. You were 12 weeks along, and yet your water broke? You could tell the difference between fetus and products with your own eye? You could hold the fetus?

    In my experience, the products of conception are very hard to discern, and seems like – well, blood clots. Especially as most 12-week MCs involve something that happened earlier in the pregnancy and the body just hasn’t reacted yet.

    I”m not calling you out or arguing with you by any means. I’m just reacting, honestly, to what you’ve posted here. A lot of your experience sounds reminiscent of my own. Lots of blood. More cramping than expected. A deep sadness and hurt that went straight to my heart.

    I know everyone is different, and every pregnancy is different.

    Having a MC was no joke. It was painful. It took a long time. I do appreciate that emphasis… sorry you had to go through a stillbirth at home. That should have been handled as a stillbirth, not a MC.

    Thanks for sharing your story, I hope it helps others.

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 2:46 AM

      Hi Rose, just want to repost my response to your similar Facebook question here, so everyone could benefit.

      So sorry to hear about your loss, that must have been very difficult to have a miscarriage with no support. This was my first miscarriage after having a live birth, and Penelope’s home birth really helped me understand what was happening in my body as the miscarriage was happening. I would have not have known what was going on if not for having a previous home birth. Also, when I cooked and encapsulated Penelope’s placenta, touching it, knowing exactly what it felt like, inside and outside, also helped me discern what was coming out of me during this miscarriage.

      • Jennifer
        October 28, 2013 at 5:52 PM

        Hello, thank you so much for sharing. I am 27 years old, no children. I, too, just went through a miscarriage at home at 10-11weeks pregnant. I feel that my experience was so instinctive and how it’s supposed to be, I lost pregnancy symptoms right after my MC. I agree, it felt like my water breaking, and giving birth like you said, contractions and a sudden painful release, at one part I felt in my chest through my stomach from the inside when passing the worst part. I didn’t know at first it was so similar to child birth in that way, as this was my first pregnancy and MC, but after reading your words, I realize that’s exactly what I went through. This was yesterday afternoon and last night. I would say the whole process from intense cramping and back aches(contractions) to the water breaking (which felt like a sudden burst of water/blood that doesnt stop, like the heaviest period flow in my life) to passing the contents of a baby/placenta and a lot of bleeding took at the most 5 hours. The worst being an hour or two. Once the water broke it was just instinctive to be ready to pass something. (The whole process was something I just knew and was ready to do, i had been lifhtly spotting the days before, but knew around 3:30 pm when i started having bad cramps what was coming, My bofriend and I ran out for heavy pads around 4 because I somehow knew I would need them, and my water broke on the car ride back home.) I did not hold the baby or placenta because I didn’t find it recognizable for me. I kind of wish I tried harder to inspect what I had passed, it was initially large pieces but I then passed three very large amounts, every part I passed felt the same at first until the whole piece basically fell quickly and that’s where I would feel the pain and difference in size. Afterwards, I was incredibly dehydrated, almost passed out. My boyfriend made me soup and I drank water, but mostly slept. I took 3 ibuprofen last night and again today. I am currently bleeding, on and off and cramping and backaches 18 hours after what I consider to be the worst. I am so scared that I have more to pass but haven’t tried either, I’m hoping that was it and I can just continue to rest and hydrate and get back to myself. I will go to my doctor to be sure I’m okay, but hope that I can pass or did pass it all at home. I hope if there’s more that it is small amounts and less painful. Sorry for the details- I wanted to share for others that were looking for any information to help them be aware of what they are dealing with like I was looking for. I am that person that shares my experiences with others to educate, inform, and help one not feel alone. I now have this new experience to share, and I will take this joy to share as a positive instead of negative. Thank you for your share and for listening. Jennifer

        • Stephanie
          October 29, 2013 at 12:26 AM

          Thanks so much for sharing the details Jennifer. I know others will find it helpful and validating, just as you felt when reading mine.
          Lots of love and light to you. I pray your healing is swift and peaceful.

          • Sonya
            November 15, 2013 at 3:51 AM

            I too am sorry for your loss. And thank you for sharing so candidly. Jennifer, my heart goes out to you and all the women here. I just experienced my first pregnancy, MC, at home alone, also 10 weeks. While I didn’t know exactly what was happening my body instinctively knew what to do. I did have help via the phone from trusted midwives and healing friends, but the grief has been beyond what I could imagine. Deanna’s website has been so helpful ( and today I planted a winterberry bush for her upstate. This process really is helping me acknowledge the depth of the loss. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. Bless these angels. O -:)

  • Susan Betke
    January 31, 2012 at 9:22 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. Miscarriage is so taboo in most circles. Even here in my state if you miscarriage state insurance no longer covers your medical needs and you have to pay back the expense of your pre-natal care so far.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:45 PM

      Where do you live? That is just crazy!

  • Christine aka The Stampin' Ninja
    February 1, 2012 at 2:41 AM

    I am touched deeply by your story. I am in awe of your strength to be able to write about this to enlighten & educate all of us. After going through two pregnancies with no issues/complications I lost a baby last May at seven weeks along. I didn’t even know I was pregnant but that didn’t seem to quell the pain & heartbreak I was overcome with. Though my family was as supportive as they could be they also made references to “well it wasn’t very far along” or “at least it was early” – I don’t care how far along I was, my heart broke. My doctor didn’t even offer a D&C but said to just “go home & wait” and that it would be like a really heavy period. Maybe in regards to what came out, yes, a heavy period but the heartache and emotion that I felt was like no period I’d ever experienced. My sister miscarried her first pregnancy at 12 weeks, they told her she had to have a D&C but never told her she could see the baby or have it tested which angers me.
    I hope that you and your family are able to heal and that writing your story down for us to read has brought you a sense of release & comfort.

  • Stephanie
    February 1, 2012 at 2:48 AM

    Thank you to everyone who commented here today. I am so touched by all of them. I have been passionate about women having a sacred space to tell their birth stories, for many years, but today I realized how important it is to have a space for women to share their miscarriage stories.

  • Becca
    February 1, 2012 at 3:05 AM

    Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking yet beautiful story. Maybe it is weird that I think it is beautiful, but the love you express for your baby and the way you told it truly is. I know it will be an encouragement to other mamas out there who can’t find the words. Praying for healing for you and your sweet family.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:00 PM

      I don’t think it is weird at all. Thanks so much for your sweet words.

  • Jennifer
    February 1, 2012 at 3:16 AM

    I had no idea. I’m 34 years old and realize I was completely ignorant about such a sad yet real part of life. Your story and your experience were raw, but real. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to teach us. Your story and your outlook are beautiful.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:01 PM

      Thank you so much Jennifer.

  • Cynthia
    February 1, 2012 at 3:44 AM

    Thank you so much for being so open and honest about your miscarriage. My little sister just miscarried less than 2 weeks ago and she can’t talk about it. I still have no idea what happened for her and I am grateful that now I have an idea of what she went through. I am so sorry that you lost your baby. I have been praying for you in the past and I will continue to pray for peace for you and your family. Again thank you and God bless you!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:02 PM

      Well, her experience may be different, but the emotions are the same. I am glad my story will help you empathize with her. Thanks for your sweet words.

  • melissa
    January 31, 2012 at 11:00 PM

    Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience. I, too, miscarried in November and briefly shared about it on my blog. We chose to miscarry at home and beforehand I did some research online and had trouble finding a bunch of information as well.

    My experience was painful as well… I wish I would have thought to save the remains and bury them. My pervious birth was a c-section, but I am pretty sure what I felt was like giving birth. I was in awful pain for several hours until it passed. What was worse was in the days that followed..especially in the mornings about 10 minutes after getting up for the day I had these horrible contraction(like) pains which caused me to not be able to move. Luckily they were only in the mornings and eventually stopped.

    For me, the emotional pain has been far worse. I miscarried 2 months and 1 week ago and I still cry pretty much daily…longing for my baby back.

    I wish you as pain free (as possible) of a continuing recovery both physical and emotionally and thank you for sharing your story.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 7:50 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing, I know you will comfort another mother who is the same boat and still crying even though months have passed. The pains are for sure contractions. I know for some it feels so weird to call the pains contractions. But that is indeed what is happening. Lots of love and healing to you.

  • Penny
    February 1, 2012 at 4:33 AM

    Hi , I’m so sorry about this loss , it’s good to know you have a wonderful n healthy daughter . Thank you for being so open about ur experience . I had two MC after I had my daughter , she is 5 yrs old now she does nt let me forget the pain it still hurts so bad when she asks for a brother or sister to play with . I’m 34 I’m so scared to try agian I don’t know if I ll be able to go throu this pain again ! I hope you get stronger n heal soon . Much love

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:05 PM

      Yes, I am so, so grateful my daughter. We don’t plan on getting pregnant again, and I am so curious to know how life as an only child will be for her, and if she will be mad at me one day for not going to extreme measures to give her a sibling. My husband and I figure, we will just have to go out of our way to make sure she has tons of friends to play with all the time.

      • becky
        February 8, 2012 at 8:53 PM

        As the mother of an only child (by choice – – NOT due to MC) my daughter (26yrs old with a MC last fall (after trying for 4 yrs to get preg) and now preg and Due mid May – – YEAH!) and I have talked quite a bit about her feelings on being an only child. My house was always the house where kids were always welcome and I was the mom who took all her friends under my wing as if they were my own. Even tho I worked full time, I was the one who coached cheerleading, drove to all the activities, took kids to riding lessons etc. . . Anyway, she doesn’t regret being an only child. In fact, she has said she kind of liked it. So don’t be hard on yourself if this is the choice you make.

        I read this post because I wanted to know and hopefully fully understand what she went through. My heart broke when she was going through the miscarriage, then again when she started having problems with the 2nd preg. I really think she miscarried a twin, but it was fairly early so hard to tell. We just talked and I tried to help her through it. Fortunately she saw a side of her husband she didn’t know existed – – an extremely tender caring side which has brought them even closer together. You hurt terribly when you know your child is hurting – – even when they are adults. She’s having a girl – – combined with his 2 girls that will make them 3. She laughs and says Tori will sort of be an only child getting a lot of attention like she did, but will still have sisters. Best of both worlds.

        Strength and BEST WISHES for you whatever decision you make about future pregnancies.

  • Tara
    February 1, 2012 at 5:25 AM

    I just happened to stumble across your blog and was blown away by this tragic mishap. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I hope that it will give women all over the power to speak up and out about such a (natural) and horrible situation a woman may go through. All the best and I hope some day your daughter will have a little brother or sister 🙂

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:06 PM

      Thanks so much Tara.

  • Megan Oaks
    February 1, 2012 at 12:16 PM

    What an amazing story and how strong you are to share with the world! Im so very sorry for your loss- I pray nothing but blessings over you, Peter and Penelope! Im sorry if this is insensitive- Im curious if you named your baby and how the burial went. He was a lucky little angel to have you as his Momma, if even just for a second!

    • Stephanie
      February 1, 2012 at 7:44 PM

      It is not insensitive, I know lots of people must be curious. We did name him. I had a name come into my mind pretty much the moment I found out I was pregnant. The burial was short and sweet. Said a few words and prayers. We buried everything a couple of feet down in my perineal butterfly garden. We plan to plant something over him, as soon as it warms up a little bit.

  • Michele
    February 1, 2012 at 5:25 PM

    Stephanie, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. You and Peter and Penelope are in my prayers. I appreciate you sharing your story. It has given me a new perspective on the loss of an unborn child. It brought back memories of my sister’s miscarriage many years ago. She lost her baby the same day that a dear friend of hers lost her 10 month old son. Both Mama’s felt the same pain, regardless of gestation. Blessings to you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:07 PM

      Thanks so much Michele.

  • Courtney
    February 1, 2012 at 8:38 PM

    Stephanie ~ I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story is beautiful, and you are a brave and strong woman. I wish you peace.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:07 PM

      Thank you so much Courtney.

  • Rachel Trahan
    February 1, 2012 at 9:00 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My heart and body hurt for you. Four of my friends miscarried within one week’s time last year, and I know this would have offered them so much solace. I send you strength and love, and blessings for healing.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:08 PM

      Thank you so much Rachel.

  • Darcy
    February 1, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    I am so glad you got to hold your baby. I always think there is something peaceful about holding or touching a living thing once it has passed. That has always brought me closure. Thank you for being brave enough to type this blog, I feel women don’t really talk about it because it is so difficult. I admire your courage.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:09 PM

      Me too. I feel really lucky. You don’t always get to see it or can tell what everything is, so I was very grateful. Thanks for your encouraging words.

  • Cheri
    February 2, 2012 at 12:50 AM

    I’m so sorry that you went through this. Thank you for sharing you experience. I have always wondered what would happen if nature was allowed to take it’s course. I gave birth to my daughter at the hospital. I was given pitocin to start contraction, and an epidural which gave me the only migraine I have ever had in my life. The night I realized something was wrong at 27 weeks, I woke up as I often did, to feel the baby moving. I didn’t feel anything. I tried to wake her up to see if she would move and she didn’t. I knew deep down what was happening but I went to the hospital to find out. We went in for an ultrasound and the doctor said, “yup, there’s no heartbeat.” Just like that. Later, he came back and apologized for telling us that way. He was under the impression that we already knew and he was just confirming. Even if that was true, it seemed rather insensitive. After she was born, I had to have a D/C anyway because the placenta wouldn’t detach. At the time, I was 21 years old, and I couldn’t face holding her. The nurse gave me a really hard time and was lecturing me and telling me I was making a mistake. I was really angry for her for that. I’m sure the thought she was helping but I couldn’t handle it at the time, though I was worried I would later regret it. But I’m 31 years old now, and I don’t. They took a lovely photograph for me of her, footprints and a certificate of life. I don’t know that I’m the kind of person that could have handled holding her. I think everyone is different, but nobody knows you better than yourself. We had a memorial service and Mia is buried at the foot of her grandmother’s burial plot. Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my own story with you since you shared yours with me, a stranger. Thank you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:12 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing. I know it will help other women in the same situation. I totally agree, you have to follow your instincts, only you know how to grieve and do what is right for you. No one else can make that choice for you. Lots of love to you.

  • Kjersti
    February 2, 2012 at 3:59 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I have recently had a friend who suffered a miscarriage after over a year of trying to get pregnant. She is very private, so it is nice to have insight into her heart and feelings. May God be with you as you suffer the loss of your child. Know that many thoughts and prayers are with you!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:12 PM

      Thanks so much Kjersti.

  • Leah
    February 2, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    I’ve suffered 2 miscarriages. I had one at home and 8 days after, had to go in for a D&C as my body wouldn’t let go of everything. It is painful, both physically & emotionally, but you will get through. Somehow, as women, we always do. Check out–very good support! Keep your head up!

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:13 PM

      I will check that out, thank you. And thank you for sharing.

  • Lindsey
    February 2, 2012 at 6:59 PM

    I have to thank you so much for sharing this! I miscarriage at 12 weeks pregnant just over a month ago now. I can totally relate to your experience in the biggest way. I, too, blogged about my experience. If you feel so inclined you may read it here: I hate how alone I have felt and like you, felt that sharing my experience would not only help me recover but may help someone else to know they’re not alone. Thanks again for sharing. I have found comfort in reading through your blog. 🙂

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:21 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your link. I would love for this to be a sacred place where lots of women can come and share their miscarriage stories and help other women. Lots of love to you.

  • Jane
    February 2, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    I had a miscarriage last spring. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant and was shocked and even slightly dismayed at finding that I was pregnant. I was open to having another baby but the timing was terrible. I only knew that I was pregnant for a week or two when I started spotting. I checked in with the doctor but there is nothing they can really do so early so they told me to keep in touch and that early spotting was normal. I did in fact have early spotting throughout the first trimester with my first child. Well eventually light random spotting got heavier, and more cramps started, and finally all out bleeding like a heavy period. I went for blood work twice and my levels ultimately plumetted to non-pregnant levels, at which point the doctor called and said that there was nothing else that needed to be done, that the baby was just gone. I was stunned at the level of grief that I experienced over that loss. The whole process, running to the bathroom, to the lab, telling people what happened… you just don’t know what to say or do or feel. There is a baby, and it starts to bloom as a concept and a dream, and then it is just gone.

    A few months later I found out that I was pregnant again, and now I am 30 weeks along. I spotted again during the first trimester and it was terrifying. I wanted this baby so bad- even more so, after the miscarriage. I tell myself that the one I lost was so early, and was just not meant to be, and all of those things that you say, and they are comforting, but I will never forget that there was another baby. I feel so deeply for you and everyone else who has gone through a loss like this. Love to you.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:22 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. And congratulations on this pregnancy! So happy for you!!

      • Jane
        February 3, 2012 at 2:21 PM

        Thank you.

  • Shaina
    February 2, 2012 at 7:50 PM

    I’ll be honest; despite how many people I know who’ve gone through what you have, I never had any idea what really happens during miscarriage. Thank you for opening my eyes. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.

    • Stephanie
      February 2, 2012 at 8:23 PM

      Thank you so much Shaina.

  • Katie
    February 2, 2012 at 10:48 PM

    All of mine have been around 5 weeks. None of them were confirmed pregnancies (but I know my body), so nobody will acknowledge them but my midwife and current OB. I really need my husband to acknowledge them, but denial is his coping mechanism. It really sucks to have nothing to show for it and nobody to talk about it. I’m so glad for the internet sometimes…

    • Stephanie
      February 3, 2012 at 12:57 AM

      Those are the worst. I have had that experience before as well, and the only way I knew for sure was from charting my temperature. Lots of love to you.

  • sofia
    February 3, 2012 at 6:42 AM

    I came upon your website via pinterest. This is an incredible post. I am so sorry for your loss, but I thank you for sharing your experience with me. You are so strong! I wish you and your family the very best during this trying time. On another note, I look forward to reading your blog.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:31 AM

      Thank you so much, Sofia.

  • Holley
    February 3, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    You have shown us all true strength through your vulnerability. I am amazed by your courage. Thank you for taking the time to share this story with us.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:31 AM

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Holley.

  • Deborah
    February 3, 2012 at 2:08 PM

    It gives me a bittersweet feeling to see others write about their experiences. I hate that anyone would have to go through this. I wish that the few I had could take the place of any miscarriage anyone else would ever have to endure but that’s not the case. It is good to see others share, though. The majority of the world doesn’t know how to react to a woman who has miscarried because so many women don’t share their stories. I was so destructive after my third because I felt I had no one to talk to that could understand. So many of my friends became awkward around me, as if they didn’t know whether to give their condolences or treat me like they did every other day.

    I, too, miscarried naturally at home each time. I couldn’t bare the thought of having a doctor do the job for me. I felt that if my body couldn’t carry my babies to term, the least I could do was give my babies the justice of being born and not being torn away from me. It’s reassuring to see that someone else has had all the same emotions I’ve had and that I reacted “normally.” Thank you for opening your heart to so many people, even those you have never met, to not only bring yourself comfort and closure but to help other women who have, are or will experience the same.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:34 AM

      Thank you for your sweet words and for sharing your story, I really appreciate it.

    February 3, 2012 at 2:21 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing your story! I’m 22 weeks along with my first child and the thought of never getting to meet our child is terrifying but it’s amazing that you had te courage to share your story. It’s easy to keep our emotions and experiences bottled up but by sharing them you’re helping so many other women. I’ve gotten to spend time praying for lots of friends who’ve not only had miscarriages but also became pregnant and didn’t want to be. Thanks for being so open and honest and sharing yourself ; ) I put a link to my blog at the bottom in case you’re ever free and want to read it, it’s totally a work in progress but I like to vent about the joys and poopy stuff about pregnancy!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:34 AM

      I would love to check it out, thank you! And congratulations on your pregnancy!

  • LeAnn
    February 3, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    First of all – let me tell you YOU ARE A VERY STRONG WOMAN. I have been thinking of you a lot since this began. I honstly don’t think I could’ve done this the way you did.

    Also – isn’t it amazing how “dropping” the F-bomb covers so many things – lol. Sorry but that happens to be my favorite word.

    I also appreciate you describing what you went thru. I have never experienced a miscarriage and had only really heard of having a d&c. This reinforces my belief that like begins at conception. I think it is comforting – you know what I mean – to be able to go through the process that you did at home and in your own time.
    Please know I am still praying for you and thanks again for sharing. So many women will benefit from reading this.


    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:35 AM

      Thank you for your thoughts and agreeing with my use of an f-bomb! I appreciate it.

  • Rachel C.
    February 3, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I, too, found it brought some peace to share my story. And, I was surprised at the number of my friends who had experienced miscarriage and never talked about it until I brought it up. And, months later, two of my friends contacted me to share their miscarriage experiences because they knew I’d be a safe space to process it…
    I, too, had a natural miscarriage at home. I had to get blood drawn for several months afterwards, but was determined to do it without medication if at all possible. I was thankful that my doctors were willing to walk the path with me, even though all of their training was calling them toward interventions.
    Thank you, again, for sharing.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:37 AM

      I know it is so surprising how many women will come forward if you bring it up first. I am thankful for my OB being open to a natural miscarriage as well.

  • holly
    February 3, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    Wow. Stephanie, this brought me to tears. I just had no idea it was like this and I’m embarrassed to say that I never really thought about it being that intense despite having friends who have had miscarriages. Posting your story has obviously already helped a lot of people share their stories and hopefully will be a resource for women in the future <3

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:38 AM

      Don’t be embarrassed, how would you have known?! No one talks about it! Thanks for your sweet words.

  • Jessica
    February 3, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I also had a miscarriage at almost 12 weeks. That would have been my 4th child. I experienced an early miscarriage also and this one was completely different. I went through all the contractions too and finally had the fetus come out. It is such a surreal experience.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:39 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing. And I am so sorry for your loss. Love to you.

  • rebecca
    February 3, 2012 at 3:18 PM

    i am so sorry for your loss, but thankful that you are willing to be so open about it. just over 5 years ago i became pregnant with my first. i was about 5 weeks along and my fiance and i were getting ready to go on a road trip, and i thought, i’ll tell him when we’re in the mountains, someplace beautiful. we had been on the road a few days and i started to feel bad and was in a horrible sort of mood; we stopped in a beautiful scenic overlook in north carolina. i went to the bathroom to wash my face and try and calm down, and pee… and blood everywhere. i didn’t know what to do, i was totally alone and in a strange place. i cleaned myself up as best i could and curled on the floor and cried. i was in there long enough that my fiance sent in the lady from the information desk to check on me. i don’t know what i must have looked like when i opened the stall door because this total stranger just said ‘honey, i’m so sorry’ and she hugged me for such a long time and let me cry on her shoulder. she helped me wash my face and get back out to the car. i wouldn’t talk to my fiance, to tell him what was wrong… i didn’t know how to tell him that the baby he didn’t know existed but that i already loved was dead… flushed down a toilet in north carolina. we got to our hotel later that day and i finally told him what had happened. he just curled up on the bed with me, held me, and let me cry, reminding me that i wasn’t alone. fortunately the bleeding for me was short and not overly painful but it stays with me, all these years later i think about that other baby and miss him/her, and wonder.
    i now have 2 beautiful “june bugs” as i call them: this june elijah will be 4 and micah (whos tiny little noggin i just bawled all over while reading your post- poor guy) will be 1. having lost a baby helps make me more patient with them i think. whatever craziness the boys get into it’s better than not having them. it wasn’t until i was pregnant with elijah that i was able to talk about that other baby, with my mother in law, who is amazing. she is a nurse in the nicu and we were talking about losing children… when she opened up with me about her miscarriages… all 13!!!!! of them!! i thought man, what a baby am i!? and holy shit this woman is so strong! but she told me every experience is different and personal and not worth more or less than any other womans, that we need to hold each other up and be beacons of encouragement and strength for one another. and that is exactly what you are doing. so bravo to you! and congrats on the amount of courage you have been blessed with. i hope you have gather peace and understanding in your heart and squeeze that beautiful little girl of yours extra tight when you start feeling sad. you and i are both very lucky to have our living children to hold onto, and not all women get that chance. lots of love.

    • LeAnn
      February 3, 2012 at 9:03 PM

      Oh Rebecca that was an amazing story. Isn’t it amazing how we women are connected somehow to each other that a complete stranger would be there at such a difficult time to hold you and let you cry. Then to read about your mother in law. 13 miscarriages and works in a nicu. Brought tears to my eyes again. God Bless You.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:39 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing your story, Rebecca.

  • Amy
    February 3, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    I am also familiar with the pain of miscarriage and also found solace in writing about it.
    We are now awaiting the arrival of our son, William, within the next couple of weeks. My heart aches for you and I love following your beautiful life story. Sending strength and love across the miles.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:41 AM

      Congratulations on your pregnancy! And thanks so much for sharing your link. Lots of love to you.

  • Sara
    February 3, 2012 at 7:55 PM

    Thank you for sharing…hugs and continued prayers….I am really fortunate that I haven’t had to go through this…one of biggest fears while pregnant with my boys…

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:41 AM

      Thank you so much for your comment and prayers.

  • Sandrine Hahn
    February 3, 2012 at 8:09 PM

    I was deeply moved by your vulnerability, Stephanie — and your experience has touched my heart. Bless you, dear one.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:42 AM

      Thanks so much, Sandrine.

  • Jaime Lynn Braden
    February 3, 2012 at 8:30 PM

    WOW. Thanks for sharing your story. That could not have been easy to do. I did not even know that you could do this at home. I think your story will really help people know what to expect. Sometimes the unknown is the worst part of a hard situation. I am praying for healing in your body and heart. Much love.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:42 AM

      Thanks so much Jamie Lynn.

  • Donielle @ Naturally Knocked Up
    February 3, 2012 at 8:35 PM

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. My experience this past October was very much the same, I was almost 11 weeks along. Some days it still feels like it was yesterday, other times it seems like a lifetime ago.

    Thank you for sharing. Going through a miscarriage was easier for me than it may have been since a friend shared with me many months earlier. Talking about this, and what may happen, is so important.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:43 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing. I feel the same way already, I think how in the world has it only been two weeks and then other days I feel like I am right in the middle of it.

  • Beth
    February 3, 2012 at 9:09 PM

    Hi Stephanie. I really appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share your story. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks about a year and a half ago (on labor day actually). It was a very surreal experience for me and it happened pretty quickly. I had been bleeding for a couple of days (lightly) and then I started having what felt like back labor when I had my twins in 2006. I was sitting on the toilet when I passed the baby and surrounding tissues. My immediate instinct was to grab the baby from the toilet and put it into the sink where I could figure out what I wanted to do. My husband and I decided to bury the baby (that we strongly felt was a girl) in the backyard. We both wrote letters to our baby (that we named Glory) and wrapped the little box containing her body in the letters and buried her. Writing the letters was a really therapeutic thing for us to do and we also read each other’s letters. It was good for me to hear how my husband was processing all of this too. We also chose to involve our twin boys who were 4.5 at the time. I wanted them know what had happened and why daddy and I were so sad. they participated in the burial ceremony with us and they still talk about their sister Glory who they will meet in heaven someday. we have a ornament that hangs on our Christmas tree in her honor. I told my story to anyone who wanted to listen. Most people just don’t talk about it and I felt like it was really important for us to talk to our close friends and family about the loss of this life. We were not expecting to ever get pregnant again so it was a real surprise for us. Thank you again for sharing your story. It brings healing.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 3:43 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing. Lots of love and light to you.

  • Bonny
    February 3, 2012 at 9:14 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. I also just had a miscarraige (on New Year’s Eve) and my experience was so similar to yours (I was in the first trimester). I had no idea it was going to be so much like labor. I also had similar feelings to you–frustration that all this pain was not going to result in a baby (like labor does), and at the same time, empowerment and amazement at the female body–that my body knew what to do and all I had to do was cooperate. I also had the urge to get in the shower and the water really helped me. Writing down the experience and talking about it (like you are doing) was/is very therapeutic to me. You’re right–so many women go through this. We should be able to talk about it. Thanks again for sharing.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:17 PM

      I wonder why OB’s do not do a better job of preparing women for what it is going to be like! I am seriously beginning to think they do not even know! Thanks so much for sharing. Lots of love and healing to you.

  • Sarah
    February 4, 2012 at 2:34 AM

    It is so touching to read your story. I experienced 3 miscarriages before the live birth of my son– in fact my husband and I never thought we would be able to have children at all. Each loss was devastating. I think what I can appreciate most about your story is that what you experienced (and what I experienced) is an actual birth story (albeit a shitty one)– not a “heavy period” as so many resources (ie books, websites, etc) describe miscarriages to be. You do go through labor, from contractions to the delivery of the placenta and embryo or fetus, and it should be treated as such. It is so important emotionally for you to have allowed your body to go through the process from start to finish; to be able to say goodbye to your baby and your pregnancy. All of my miscarriages were carried out at home and over the course of several days, and I think it is best that way. I was able to say goodbye, and to cry, and to share the moments with my husband, who was similarly grieving.
    Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how many other women you have helped by putting yourself out there. Sending big hugs your way mama.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:18 PM

      Thanks so much for the hugs, sending some right back to you!

  • Erin
    February 4, 2012 at 4:53 AM

    Been there and done that…twice actually… and I feel your pain (no pun intended). It was an awful experience for me the first time being that I was at Disney World with my husband and his daughter and I had to pretend to be in “The happiest place on Earth” after all this happend, when I had had NO IDEA what was really happening until it was all over. The second time was almost worst than the first becauseI knew all that pain would be for nothing in the end. I felt ashamed just like you and I never even told my mother about the first one until after the second one. I know exactly how you feel and just know that it does get better and the universe has a way of balancing itself out!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:19 PM

      Oh my gosh, I am so glad I was not at Disney! Bless your heart. Thanks for commenting, I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who felt so ashamed.

  • Melanie
    February 4, 2012 at 5:16 AM

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet bavy. I have had 2 natural miscarriages. The first was at 13+ weeks. I started spotting and an ultrasound confirmed the baby’s heart wasn’t beating. I went through labor, but it was very gentle and my water broke with a pop. I was able to hold the baby and see that he was a boy. It was very painful emotionally, but in some ways easier than my other miscarriage. That one was at 7 weeks and it took a about a week until I felt like everything had been delivered. For me having a birth experience and holding the baby helped me to heal.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:20 PM

      I agree, having more of a birth experience and holding the baby was very helpful for my healing process. I feel very lucky. Thanks for commenting, lots of love to you.

  • Debi B.
    February 4, 2012 at 5:21 AM

    Sooo sorry to hear about your miscarriage hon, I know it isn’t easy either! (First hand) God be with you and your family! Hope your heart mends… mine took many years! Bless you my dear for sharing your story with us! Thank you!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      Thanks so much, Debi.

  • Nancy
    February 4, 2012 at 5:20 PM

    So Sorry for your loss, 16 years ago I had my first miscarriage and decided I didn’t want a D&C and let “nature take it’s course”. with the other 2 miscarriages I also decided not to have the D&C. I didn’t understand why so many people had a problem with this, it was my body and my pregnancy. I even had some people say that I wasn’t even pregnant because I would have to have a D&C. The stress of having the miscarrages where compounded by the fact that someone would believe I would make up a miscarriage let alone 3 of them. So glad you shared your story, so certain people can see that this is a option and that I didn’t make it up. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      What? Who says that! I am so sorry, lots of love to you.

  • Lyndee
    February 4, 2012 at 7:00 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for welcoming the stories of other women. I had 2 MCs after my daughter was born. The first one was at almost 11 weeks. This one was a lot like your story – backache, cramps, contractions, painful and my belly even swelled to the point that I looked like I was 5 months pregnant. I called the ER nurses where they told me it could or could not be a miscarriage. So I got online to find information on what to expect. Someone else had written about using a styrofoam plate to collect tissue and saving it in a ziploc in case they would do testing. My first scheduled appointment was the next morning. I could feel when my body was ready, so I went into my bathroom while my husband was sleeping. It was not like a heavy period, there was a lot of different looking “matter” that I could see, as well as an actual sack with my partially developed baby inside. I saved everything and had it in my purse at my visit. They would only usually do testing if I had 3 consecutive MCs though. I went home and got a shovel and a pretty box, drove up into the mountains and looked for a place to bury my baby since we didn’t have property of our own. I spotted a tree in an area that had the most beautiful view. I spent an hour crying and digging and saying my goodbyes. I thought I was crazy, maybe I am.
    My second MC was at almost 10 weeks, was very different. Only being 1 week gestation apart, I was surprised at how unalike they were. With this one I was very moody and crazy ornery! I felt like there was so much rage in my body and I was so mean!!!! I had bad cramps and after everything was finished for the most part, it was crazy how fast those feelings of rage just left. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my experience here. I have never told anyone everything, but this has helped more than I thought it would when I started typing. I just want to add that I have since had another perfect beautiful baby girl!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:22 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing, Lyndee. Lots of love to you.

  • Kim
    February 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM

    Just found your blog from pinterest.
    never expected to read a post like this. I feel your pain.. I had a natural miscarriage in May 2010 at 11 weeks and a d/c in november 2010 at 9weeks. It is the hardest thing deal to with both emotionally and physically. We tried a 3rd time and I found out was expecting last superbowl sunday.. had a beautiful healthy baby girl this past october. Everyone asks us when we are going to have another. After going through everything we did just to get one I dont think i could handle it all again if it didnt work out.

    Your very blessed to have a gorgeous daughter and a wonderful husband. I am a firm believer in what is meant to be will be. A friend of ours told us that maybe we had the miscarriages because Madison had to go back to get a little cuter.. it made me feel a little better about because we knew our second miscarriage was a girl.. and I am a little biased but she is so cute 🙂
    Big hugs !

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:24 PM

      Yay! For healthy baby girls!! I am glad to know I am not the only one who feels blessed with one child and doesn’t feel a need to try again. I really think their is a stima against families with only one child, I don’t get it. Thanks for commenting.

    • Sam
      July 13, 2013 at 3:38 PM

      Thanks for sharing this Kim! I recently had 2 miscarriages: April 7th (5weeks) and June 27th (10 weeks). I haven’t read many women going through back to back miscarriages. I’m in the thick of it, having just miscarried the second one 2 weeks ago. What was that like for you? I’m 26 and have no living children 🙁 Feeling a bit hopeless and depressed.

  • Veronica
    February 4, 2012 at 8:24 PM

    I’m so sorry, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how many women you are supporting and healing with your honest words. Many loving thoughts and hugs being sent your way.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:24 PM

      Thanks so much, Veronica.

  • Robyn
    February 4, 2012 at 9:38 PM

    A miscarriage is the crappiest thing to ever happen. Thank you for being so honest. I wish no one had to ever deal with this, but you’re right that it happens to so many women. I’m not brave enough to talk openly about it because I feel like a failure and I’m afraid that people who haven’t dealt with it would say stupid things!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:25 PM

      They are going to say stupid things, that is for sure. Thanks for sharing.

  • Meg
    February 4, 2012 at 11:48 PM

    I felt the same way! I was shocked, NO ONE told me I would go through full on labor and NOT have a baby in the end. I labored at home by myself until I couldn’t take any more. I started hemorrhaging and the blood was awful. It was everywhere. I kept trying to clean it all up, but there was so much and I started to get light headed. I had a baby at the time and couldn’t wake my boyfriend up or get ahold of anyone by phone so I stuffed a bath towel in my sweatpants and drove to the hospital. I don’t remember the drive it was by the Grace of God that I got there alive. I parked way out in the parking lot and walked all the way up to the ER instead of pulling up to the overhang. No clue why! I walked in and saw a lady down the hall and hit the floor…I just remember waking up in a bed. After another several hours of labor and so much blood loss they insisted I get a DNC. I couldn’t really make the decision so they just went ahead and did it. When I woke up my Mother was there. I think they found her number in my phone… it was by far the worst day of my life and has changed everything about me. That was five years ago…and I will never be over it. The worst part is that everyone acts like it didn’t happen. My son begs to have a baby, but I barely made it through labor with him and after my second baby died I am terrified.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:16 PM

      I really hope Penelope does not beg me one day for a baby, I bet that is so difficult. Thanks so much for sharing and lots of love to you.

  • Denny
    February 5, 2012 at 1:38 AM

    That was a very eye opening story. As a single father to a daughter, I hope that she never has to go through anything like that. Thank you for sharing your life experience with the world. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:15 PM

      I am so touched that a man took time to read this story, thank you for taking the time to comment. I do not have a relationship with my mother and my father was the one to support me through this and I am so thankful. What a lucky girl your daughter is.

  • Christine Rieck
    February 5, 2012 at 1:44 AM

    I too, really appreciated reading your experience and am so sorry for your loss. I agree it is so therapeutic to talk and write about it. I just had my 3rd miscarriage – all three were different and difficult to get through – then, in the end, you don’t even have a picture of the little person you’ve lost.

    I wish you all the best,

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:13 PM

      Hi Christine, thanks so much for sharing your link. I agree, a picture would have been nice. I actually asked my OB for a copy of the last ultrasound picture, even though he was dead, it was only visual thing I had to remember him and I wanted it. The OB looked at me like I was insane, but I didn’t care. Lots of love to you.

  • Chelsi
    February 5, 2012 at 5:47 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I pray God heals your heart. Thank you for being so honest about your experience

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:06 PM

      Thanks so much Chelsi.

  • Angela
    February 5, 2012 at 5:59 AM

    I’ve been very blessed in my life to have not gone through a miscarriage but I have several close friends who have. Its so devistating on many levels and your very right it isnt talked about enough. The wounds that it leaves are so severe but just covered up instead of being brought out into the open to heal. You are a truely brave and courageous woman with an eminse amount of strength in you. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a woman as you to look up to and use as a role model. Thank you for sharing you story Stephanie and may God bless you and your family always.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:05 PM

      Thank you so much Angela.

  • Dawn
    February 5, 2012 at 7:00 AM

    I was also scanning pinterest and found your blog through a crockpot recipe post… and was moved to read this post. It brought tears to my eyes. You are so brave and strong to put this out here… I had no idea what a miscarriage could be like. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you lots of love and healing during this time.

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:05 PM

      Thank you so much, Dawn.

  • mary elizabeth
    February 5, 2012 at 7:42 AM

    my son stopped moving in utero at 25 weeks gestation and was found to be in heart failure so the doctors performed an emergency c-section to try to save him before he was stillborn. he lived for 19 days in the nicu before passing away in his daddy’s arms… and here it is almost 4 years later and occassionally i just get so. fucking. PISSED OFF and WHY????? WHY ME??? WHY US? i loved him so much, i still do. his name was seth. seth gabriel. thank you for letting me talk about it. everyone gets so uncomfortable when i talk about him, because it’s been 4 years so we should be “over it” by now. it’s just that i miss him so much — my arms literally ACHE, there is PAIN — i just want to hold him one more time. and i can’t, and i never will again. and it’s not fair. i love you seth. mama loves you!

    • Stephanie
      February 5, 2012 at 2:04 PM

      I am so glad you have a space to talk about it hear. I know what you mean, that ache. It just doesn’t go away. Lots of love to you.

  • Anna
    February 5, 2012 at 6:18 PM

    I would really like to thank you for writing this. I started reading your blog just a few weeks ago, and am now currently going through a natural miscarriage at home. It has been incredibly hard, but what has gotten me through it is educating myself on what to expect and reading the stories of others who have gone through it. You are absolutely right when you say that there is so little info regarding natural miscarriage, and it seems that almost everyone is an advocate of invasive surgical procedures.

    It takes a lot of bravery to discuss something that is so personal in such a public way. Please know that your courage is incredibly inspiring and I am so grateful to you for sharing this. You have helped me.


    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 3:18 AM

      I am so glad to hear this post helped you. My heart goes out during this time. Lots of love to you.

  • Allison
    February 5, 2012 at 7:07 PM

    I am not sure how I stumbled upon this post but I am glad I did. I just barely had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago and then my last one was 3 years ago. I am always so embarrassed talking about it and I am glad you were able to open up and talk about it, it is inspiring. I am sorry for your loss but grateful for your courage. Thank you!

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 3:18 AM

      Thank you for your comment. Lots of love to you.

  • Sloan
    February 5, 2012 at 7:51 PM

    Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing your story. I had no idea having a miscarriage at 12 weeks could be like that. I recently had read a story indicating that if you miscarry after 20 weeks you have to get induced and basically birth the child and that was even a shock to me. I am not sure what I thought happened at that point! I think we are all so uninformed at times. I am 37 years old and am so blessed to have a one year old daughter. My first pregnancy was an ectopic pregnancy lodged in my right tube. I had a shot of methotrexate to dissolve it. I am lucky we caught it when we did, I was only like 4-5 weeks along. Unfortunately it caused scar tissue and my right tube is blocked. It took my body like 6 months for my hcg levels to zero out for some reason, not sure why. So we started trying again and got pregnant again. I was charting my temperature and around the time I was supposed to start my period my temperature did not drop, but I had some spotting. I told my husband, I think I am pregnant, but I know something’s not right. I went to the Doctor and she checked my hcg over several days, it was rising but really slowly. She said that according to my estrogen and progesterone levels, she thought this pregnancy was in my uterus but obviously was not viable. She asked me if I wanted another shot of methotrexate or to just let it pass naturally. I told her I wanted to go the natural route and I did. I had what I would describe as a heavy period over several days about a month later. Sometimes I think that if I wasn’t trying to get pregnant or charting my temps that I may not have even known I was pregnant. It was very hard because I had to go to work and be at meetings and in the back of my mind I was thinking “wow, I am having a miscarriage right now in front of these people and they have no idea”. It was really hard to do and I appreciate you sharing your story so much and letting others who have miscarried also have a voice.Luckily for me, my third pregnancy was a good one and as I said, I now have a beautiful baby girl. (Like another poster said, I had to have progesterone supplements to help me with her pregnancy). I have told anyone who asks about my miscarriages and also asked others about their stories and it is so common. I would wager that about 75% of the women that I have asked have told me that they have had a miscarriage. We are thinking about trying to get pregnant again and the thought scares me a little, but I want to at least try. I told my hubby if I try and have another miscarriage, we can re-evaluate. I am 37 so it’s a little scary. I wish someone would have told me how much the risks go up the later you wait to get pregnant. I always assumed I would have no problem getting pregnant but it took us 1.5 years to get a healthy pregnancy. I am looking forward to going back through your blog and doing some reading. I also appreciate the others who left their links here, I am going to read their stories now. Stay strong mama! Much love to you and yours!
    Sarah in Texas

    • Sam
      July 13, 2013 at 3:50 PM

      Thank you for posting this comment Sloan! With my 1st miscarriage (a few months ago), I remember feeling the same way as I was teaching dance, thinking I’m having a miscarriage and none of my dancers have any idea. It’s been hard working with children and knowing I’ve had 2 unsuccessful pregnancies. It’s definitely scary looking to the future, playing the “what-if’s” in your head. I wish you all the best and remember we’re stronger than we think we are 🙂

  • Beth Smith
    February 5, 2012 at 8:15 PM

    Thanks you so much for sharing this personal experience. I am so sorry for you to have gone through this, what a strong woman you are. My prayers are with you as you continue to heal.

  • heather
    February 5, 2012 at 9:31 PM

    I just suffered a miscarriage in October. I was 11 weeks to the day. My husband and I have been doing infertility treatments. At 6w6d I heard the baby’s heartbeat. This was the most amazing thing I have ever heard…My baby’s heartbeat….This was my second pregnancy (the first one I never developed a fetal pole)….When I went to the ER on this day I knew that something was wrong besides the spotting I was having. The did an ultrasound in the ER and they said that they needed me to go have a real ultrasound…after waiting 5 hours (they forgot about me in the ER) I got the news that I was expecting….Your baby is dead…..So they sent me down to the ER again…They handed me pamphlets on loss…I just wanted the baby out of me so bad…I knew in my heart that I could not do this one naturally…But they told me I was going to have to wait until Monday because it was friday evening and it was not an emergency…Then they found out that my infertility doctor had to work on Saturday….So then they set me up to have surgery the next day….I am so thankful that my own doctor (very rare in the military) got to do my surgery…he told me how far the baby had made it (late 7wks early 8wks) and no one else at the hospital would tell me….he sat with me and talked after my surgery to ensure that I was ok and that we had to try again soon since they are not sure how much longer I will be fertile (I am premenopausal at the prime age of 34). I just underwent another IUI cycle and it did not work….my husband is on deployment until May and I am so wishing he was here to hold my hand thru this process…as this is a very lonely process for me because all of my friends and family have children and have not struggled with getting pregnant and do not understand all that I am going thru.

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 3:14 AM

      My heart goes out to you. You will be in my prayers. Lots of love to you.

  • Alanna
    February 5, 2012 at 10:39 PM

    I hate that these situations happen to such great people. My heart breaks as I read your blog and I empathize due to the fact my body went into preterm labor at 21 weeks with our son. I had previous bleeding everyday & the doctors thought it was normal due to the fact I didnt have any other symptoms but when I was in labor (I didnt know because this was my first pregnancy) and didnt go to the hospital til it was too late. I had delivered him an hour later at the hospital & he only lived a few minutes. So when I read others going through similar pain its bittersweet to know I am not the only woman to experience this type of tragedy.
    Best wishes and God bless you and your family!

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 3:13 AM

      My heart breaks for you too. Thanks for your comment and lots of love and light right back at you.

  • Heidi Schaff
    February 5, 2012 at 10:41 PM

    My heart aches for you and I appreciate your sharing this experience. As someone who is not a mother I think sometimes in the past, almost just as when I was a child, I have heard about miscarriages and have always seen it as a major disappointment. It never hit me until I read this what a drawn out, painful experience it is. I thought to myself, “my goodness, of course the baby doesn’t just disappear”. And I think you made the point that it needs to be talked about because otherwise people that have been through it have this traumatic experience so heavy on their heart, and people who have not can be completely ignorant. My mother had a miscarriage when I was a child and we never talked about it. So thank you, we all benefit from the light, and the truth, even if only to make us better supporters, more sympathetic, more loving, more compassionate, and more thankful for what a miracle a healthy child is. Blessings and peace to you and Peter and Penelope.

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 3:12 AM

      Thanks so much, Heidi. Hope you are doing well.

  • Leslie Greene
    February 6, 2012 at 12:28 AM

    I was wondering if there was a way to email you a question?
    Thanks so much!
    Leslie Greene
    [email protected]

  • Karren
    February 6, 2012 at 4:27 AM

    I have been a childbirth instructor and advocate of natural birthing for many years. I have been with and counseled parents who have been through really hard times surrounding their pregnancies, births and also miscarriage and still birth. It is so heartbreaking, and especially when like you say, there just are not many resources for helping women in the difficult moments. Often these things happen suddenly and most unexpectedly and we just aren’t prepared. Some doctors show compassion and others are rather blunt. I commend you for choosing to go home and allow your body to do its natural process of birthing your baby. And a forum for helping others understand and be comforted by those who have been through this experience is a wonderful tool where women can come out of feeling isolated and alone. Thank you for the reaching out and connecting that opens up hearts and feelings for sharing and giving support. The only thing that bothers me about it is the swearing. I know hurt causes anger and when we feel anger we need to express it…but we are talking about the loss of a sweet baby child here and somehow I have to believe there is a way to express hurt and loss and anger with words (especially written words) that don’t demean the world of the innocent child that has passed…honor these precious human babies who were here for such a short time by choosing better verbage…not gutter talk. I know the F word is real common…but it still comes from the gutter…I know there will be those who choose to be offended by my request here…I just want to stand for respect in telling the story of these babies and yourselves using words that honor while describing what happened to them as well as what happened to their moms and dads in the tragedy.

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 1:35 PM

      Thanks for your comment. I understand how you feel about cussing and you are not the only one. However, this is my blog and my story and I feel that cussing and telling the story as I felt it/see, being 100% authentic and honest, is honoring my family and my child.

  • Lillian Alice
    February 6, 2012 at 5:26 AM

    Stephanie…. I read your story and am very happy to have done so. It is one that relates the physical, mental and spiritual components of pregnancy/birth/loss. Unfortunately this is something I see 1 to 4 times a month … I encourage the mama to talk about it. It is an important part of the process. Sometimes they are very matter-of-fact, seeing this as an unhealthy pregnancy and even with the loss, feel fine about it, and others are completely devastated. Sometimes they loss happens right away, sometimes months, yes months, later. We are all so different in how we want to deal with pregnancy losses. I read so many of the comments from your readers and that is the reason I write here. It goes back to the beginning of my comment…. and I can see by the readers’ responses that it touched them in many ways. Thank you for sharing your story. I will bookmark it for others to read when they’re ready. (I too had one that started at 12 weeks and finished at 13 weeks).

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 1:33 PM

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting Alice, it means a lot to me.

  • Crystal
    February 6, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    Thank you for sharing! I too think its so important to tell our stories so we can remove the stigmas attached to them. My first pregnancy was an early first trimester and resembled a period, I blogged about it, was bitter and had to grieve for quite some time. My second pregnancy was perfect & gave me my beautiful 2 year old son. Then, my third pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 33 weeks due to placental abruption just this December. I was very open about the experience and started a whole new blog dedicated to my son, Wentworth which has helped me immensely. I’ve received so many messages from other women who read my blog and shared their own stories of loss and while they all break my heart I’m so glad my blog gave them the courage to finally share. I hope to have another child but in the meantime I am cherishing the family I already have 🙂

    • Stephanie
      February 6, 2012 at 1:33 PM

      Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story. I am so sorry for both your losses. Lots of love to you.

  • E
    February 6, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story publicly. No one talks about this. Women should. I was pretty young when I had my first pregnancy/first miscarriage/natural miscarriage. That shit is scary. I have had a couple and did do the D & C one of the times. Both ways suck. And to be honest f-bombs help. Sometimes the women in my family didn’t talk about it and about their own. I think that is a shame. I needed that talk instead of it being hushed.

    I now have a little boy and love him dearly!

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:26 AM

      Word. That shit is scary! Congrats on your sweet boy!

  • Annette Holbrook
    February 6, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Your strength and courage in sharing your story is simply humbling. Thank you for shedding light on this topic that we women would much rather pretend didn’t exist. While I have not had a miscarriage, many of my relatives, friends and co-workers have. There does seem to be a lot of shame and guilt involved… I think giving it a voice/bringing it into the light can make it seem so much less powerful, if not banish it all together. I pray that you and many other women will find healing through your words.

  • Vanessa Demeter
    February 6, 2012 at 7:16 PM

    I am the biggest idiot in the entire world. My sincerest apologies for my cluelessness this morning. Bless you for having been through this ridiculously unfair circumstance. My heart, love and prayers to you and your family. You are, with out a doubt, officially, the strongest and bravest real person I know. If you can find peace in this, we all can surely find peace in our lives. Thank you for inspiring me to feel this and to appreciate all of the parts of life.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:29 AM

      You are not an idiot at all! You probably thought I was insane talking about baby Jesus this morning, too funny. Thanks for your sweet words.

  • Ashley
    February 6, 2012 at 7:49 PM

    So sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for posting your story. Sending lots of prayers for healing and blessings your way.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:29 AM

      Thanks so much Ashley.

  • Jessie
    February 6, 2012 at 8:50 PM

    very sorry for your loss.

    when i read your story… the hurt came flooding back to my heart of my 14w loss in 2009. It is still raw today. A natural miscarriage gets the societal reaction of suicide, lucky for me to have experienced both. I lost my brother 11years ago to suicide. So many people say/do all the wrong things & there is very little support for situations like this. I found out the day before there was no heartbeat so I spent the day on the couch snuggling my 2.5 & 1year old sons & scheduled my D&C not knowing there was another option. Baby had other plans & came on her own @5:18pm. Horridly I scooped her from the toilet & sobbed & sobbed. Perfect looking little baby with fingers & toes. Mortified I sat on the bathroom floor crying, waiting for my husband to come home. On our way to the hospital (i passed out due to blood loss) i glanced to my neighbor across the street, she too was pregnant & due 2 weeks after me, to see her light up presumably her 15th cigarette of the day. All I could think… “f this shit! I did it all right, & yet shes the one still pg! its just not fair!” A horrible place to be but lots of cussing & tears is what got me through. Thanks for sharing your story & hopefully your bravery will help other moms work through their losses as I wish it was there for me. Peace & Love -Jessie

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:36 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. I am so glad you got to hold your baby. I know what you mean, I saw a pregnant 15 year old today and boy did some not nice thoughts cross my mind, but I pulled it together. It is not fair, but the trick is not get bitter. How to do that, I am not sure!

  • Kelly Barnes
    February 6, 2012 at 10:54 PM

    Hi Stephanie, I am so sorry . Words cannot express. I have had 2 miscarriages and trying to get information on the how and why of miscarriage is like pulling teeth. I had my second miscarriage last May. The week before I went on vacation I was almost at 12 weeks and my baby had a normal heart beat everything looked good. I felt great ( little morning sickness, just occaisonal bout of nausea) I went on vacation and I started spotting , just a bit here and there. I didnt think anything of it. I am from Kentucky, so we were on the coast of Washinton state visiting. By Saturday , the day we left, I was wearing a pad, but really no pain. I was just really irritable and just wanted to get to Memphis and then the short trip to Louisville. We got seated on the plane and an hour into our flight the contaractions started. We were in the tail section 4 rows from the galley and bathrooms. I was cold and they started coming. I counted to 100 and and just had to keep getting up adn going to the bathroom . It was quick the baby finally slid out. I couldnt retrieve the baby, I just stood there and looked down at my baby. I said a prayerr and I never blamed God, I just accepted it and put my faith in him.We finally got to Memphis and made our flight and finally home. I didnt cry once since I lost my baby. But my husband was waiting for me. He never said a word as he wrapped me in his arms and I cried so hard. I am doing ok, My doctor never gaave me any answers, there was a little tissue left in side me for them to test, They took blood work, my chromosones are all normal, no sicknesses or cancer. Just no answers or closure. I ask myself, if I had stayed home and not went on that trip, would I have a normal pregancy? Its devasting.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:40 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. That must have been insane miscarrying on a plane! I can’t even imagine. Everyone keeps saying I am strong, but YOU are strong. Lots of love and light to you.

  • Julie
    February 7, 2012 at 1:18 AM

    We lost our baby, Hope, at almost 13 weeks back in November. I appreciate your speaking out about your loss. Far too many women go through the deaths of their babies alone. I love that you spoke about your loss. & love even more how honest you were. My husband, too, chased down the doctor to confirm death, because ‘no heartbeat’ wasn’t enough for him. We opted for an at home deliver, as well, & I remember, once everything was over, the blood seemed as though it would never stop. It felt as if my womb was crying for our baby. The website really helped me. It’s a support group for Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death (thus, mend). I hated that when we left the hospital, no one said “here’s a support group.” We women need to support each other more. & I believe being open & honest (as you have been here) is a wonderful place to start.

    I am so, so sorry you lost your baby. I hurt for you & your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 1:41 AM

      I bet my husband will be glad to read that he is not the only father who needed that kind of confirmation. Thanks so much for sharing. Lots of love to you.

  • Meghan
    February 7, 2012 at 2:54 AM

    I’m so happy that you shared this, and that so many other women responded. What an important issue to discuss and shed light on!

    We lost our first pregnancy at only 5 weeks, so yes, it was like a heavy period (the heaviest and most painful I’d ever endured, though). I, too, remember passing what only looked like a mass of tissue at the time, but I still believe it was the baby. Of course, I was too distraught (and not even at home – we were on vacation) to think through how I’d want to preserve it, so it went down the toilet with the rest of the blood. This makes me sad, thinking back on it now. But I can’t change the past. Unfortunately, my husband left for Basic Training 11 days later and our grief and newfound separation, combined with the culture shock of Army life for him, was almost enough to make him quit and come right back home. But in the end, I think having his new career to focus on gave us the distraction we needed to remember that life will go on and the blessing of a baby will come in due time. Thankfully, when he arrived home three months later, I was ovulating, and we conceived our now beautiful, ginger-haired 2yo, Heidi London. And she is the apple of our eyes.

    The odd part about miscarrying for me was that my mom had only me, then developed genetic translocation, a chromosomal disorder where a woman can conceive a baby, but cannot carry to term. After me, she had 3 miscarriages (all first trimester), and my parents ended up adopting my brother. Not knowing if this was hereditary, I had myself tested and the tests came back clear, so you can imagine the loop I was thrown for when I started spotting and realized I was miscarrying. Of course, in my naiveté, I hadn’t realized just how common miscarriages are, and that I still may be a candidate for a lost pregnancy.

    All that to say: THANK YOU. You are a brave woman. And I bet every time you look at your garden, you remember the love that created those lives, and feel the hope of one day joining them in heaven.

    Peace to you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 8:27 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story and your sweet words.

  • racheal
    February 7, 2012 at 4:28 AM

    thanks so much for sharing your story and journey through your process. We lost our 4th baby in November and I opted for the 1st time to deliver at home, my process didnt go as smoothly as I ended up in the hospital having a d&c and 4 blood transfusions 🙁 Its been a long road but knowing other women know the feelings you feel and knowing you arent alone brings such a comfort and peace in such a painful time. Hugs to you and thank you so much for your courage and strength it is inspiring.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 8:23 PM

      Thanks for sharing your story. Lots of love to you.

  • Sherry
    February 7, 2012 at 7:28 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I too have suffered a miscarriage. Being only 16 at the time, my doctor gave me no choice to have a natural miscarriage but instead sent me to the hospital for a d&c. I remember waking up wanting my baby.. and being told its gone. I feel your pain and suffering, and my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you. I am now 18 years older with two beautiful girls. I am also a labor and delivery nurse at the very same hospital. I have worked very hard to design a program for mothers that come in after they find out there is no heart beat and choose to be induced. My heart goes out to these mothers and I try to make their experience what it needs to be for them. I spend the extra time getting to know these families, and design their care around their needs. I am currently scheduled to do more education so that I can teach my fellow nurses how to care for these amazing and special families. It breaks my heart that you were not even told the simple words “Im sorry” Those two words mean so much even if the phrase is so short. You are an amazing women to be able to go thru what you did and thank you very much for sharing it with us.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 8:23 PM

      The world needs more women like you! A grounded, loving and empathetic L&D nurse is hard to come by these days. Thanks for all your hard work, keep it up!

    • Lisa
      October 16, 2013 at 5:47 AM

      I have a question im in the age of 18 and I have been pregnant 3 times already and had 2 miscarriages already but the doctors say they dont hear a heart beat and they cant see the baby eather can I have kids? Or is this final that I cant have kids?

      • Stephanie
        October 16, 2013 at 5:13 PM

        Nothing is final, but it sounds like you have a lot of healing work to do both physical and emotional. Please browse the Mama and Baby Love archives for helpful information. So sorry for your losses, lots of love to you.

  • Alice
    February 7, 2012 at 5:54 PM

    I send you kisses and hugs from Montreal. I had two similar miscarriages one after the other and I thought I was never going to have babies. I hurt physically and mentally for a while… but then, thanks God I had two normal pregnancies (also one after the other as if to make up for the time) and two healty boys. Hang in there and thanks for sharing!

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 8:21 PM

      Thanks so much, Alice.

  • sarah / book bound bindery
    February 7, 2012 at 6:37 PM

    I came on here to get your bbq chicken recipe and instead found this story. It must be fate, though — I just miscarried my baby bean at 12 weeks. I was at home as well… until I passed out and then we went to the ER. 🙂 My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing you all the best.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2012 at 8:19 PM

      So sorry for your loss too.

  • Connie
    February 8, 2012 at 6:21 AM

    My first baby died at 3 months but I carried till 5 months. I wont go through the whole story because even after 20 years it’s hard (the loss) my second baby I lost at 3 months (first on Christmas second on Easter, I dont think there is a worse thing you can emotionally go through the the loss of a child you are expecting. I not only cussed, I got DRUNK when they told me I carried my dead baby for 2 extra months. My husband told me baby maybe you shouldn’t drink and I said “what the f does it matter, it’s dead” I had 2 dnc’s but walking into that hospital pregnant and walking back out “not” pregnant was the most horrible feeling in the world. I had never felt such a “loss’ I never felt like it was my fault or that I wasn’t good enough, I just felt empty….You are stronger then I will ever be, I could not go through that pain at home I doubled over in the floor on the second one and couldn’t get back up. We went to the ER and went from there. I now have 4 beautiful children. God bless you and I know what you went through…*HUGS*

    • Stephanie
      February 8, 2012 at 2:31 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. You make me feel much better! I have drank about half a bottle of wine every night! Lots of love to you.

  • Meredith
    February 8, 2012 at 9:24 AM

    I want to thank you so much for sharing this story. I’ve never been pregnant or experienced anything like the pain of losing a child, but I am appalled at the stigma that is still associated with miscarriage. The only way to get rid of it is for more courageous people like you to share their stories and normalize the process. It is so difficult to heal when people are forced to hide their pain, so thank you for being such an open and honest voice. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    • Stephanie
      February 8, 2012 at 2:30 PM

      Thanks so much for your comment, Meredith.

  • fingerthumb
    February 8, 2012 at 3:24 PM

    Thank you so much for writing this post. Its true, miscarriage it a part of most women’s lives, and not enough people get to talk about it, just to acknowledge it, and receive support. I really, really appreciate that you shared your story here.

  • Brooke
    February 8, 2012 at 7:56 PM

    I came here for your freezer crock pot recipes and stumbled upon this story. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are right that miscarriage, while common, it not talked about nearly enough. Natural miscarriage (especially when a woman chooses it over a D&C) is talked about even less. So much of your story resonates with me. I lost my first pregnancy in a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. My husband and I had been so excited and so hopeful. I was only 26 and had never had any health problems. My mom had three children without a single miscarriage. I had all of the typical pregnancy symptoms, including morning sickness. We had no clue anything was wrong until my first prenatal appointment at 10 weeks when my MW was unable to find a heartbeat via Doppler and my progesterone levels came back extremely low. We scheduled an ultrasound for the next morning, but I knew in my heart that it was over and cried myself to sleep. The ultrasound confirmed that the fetus was dead and had stopped growing (probably due to a chromosomal anomaly) at 6 to 7 weeks. For some reason, my body failed to recognize this and kept going along like the pregnancy was still viable. The ultrasound tech said there wasn’t much to see except some shapeless tissue and a healthy placenta, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at the screen. Like you, I didn’t want a D&C. I’m naturally minded and a D&C seemed so cold and invasive and carries legitimate health risks. I figured I would be a lot less traumatized by allowing my body to “take care of things” naturally. Unfortunately, it took another two horrible weeks of emotional turmoil and anxious waiting for the cramps to start. Even though there wasn’t much left of the baby, it was a lot worse than a “bad period” for me to. It felt like someone was ripping into my uterus with razor sharp claws. Fortunately I was with my mom at my parent’s house. When the pain got horrendous, she encouraged me to walk, which helped speed things up, I think. So we walked down a country road, me in excruciating pain, bawling my eyes out, feeling much the same as you. All this pain and for F&#*@$^ what??? I still get a little sad sometimes when driving down that stretch of road, which is sad in itself, because that’s my road, where I grew up. It was a shit experience to say the least, but I don’t regret doing it naturally. It allowed me to regain a tiny bit of the trust in my body that I lost due to the miscarriage itself. It’s nice to hear from another woman who made the same choice.

    In happier news, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl in July of 2011. I like to think that it was her I lost the first time and she just had to wait a little longer to join my husband and I. I know that idea doesn’t jive with everyone’s belief system, but it allowed me to heal. Big hugs to you! I wish you grace and peace as you continue to mend. Thanks again for speaking out so personally and candidly about something that is usually swept under the rug.

    One last thing, to anyone who has had a miscarriage (especially repeat miscarriages) – have your progesterone levels checked! Apparently low progesterone is an often overlooked cause of miscarriage. It is diagnosed with a simple blood test and treated with a simple supplement. Some doctors won’t test for it unless you have had 3 miscarriages, but this is CRAP!!! No woman should have to go through that if there is a easy solution to the problem. Insist on being tested. I was on progesterone supplements with my last, successful pregnancy.

    • Stephanie
      February 9, 2012 at 12:12 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story, Brooke.

  • Rachel
    February 9, 2012 at 2:44 AM

    Thank you, thank you for sharing your story. It’s been a little over 8 years since my miscarriage. Since then, I have often thought of this quote by Barbara Kingsolver: “A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had. But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.”

    We learned at our 12 week appointment that our baby had died at 8 weeks along. I decided to wait for it to happen naturally, 4 weeks later. I am so grateful for those 4 weeks – to adjust, to mourn, to say goodbye. When my body finally decided it was time to let go, it happened quickly, in just a weekend. It was the first time I’d ever been in labor. It was agony. And it was powerful. I really did feel like I’d passed through the valley of the shadow of death, and emerged a completely different person: a little sadder, a little stronger, a lot more compassionate. We lived in a city apartment, but my husband’s family let us bury our little one under a big tree in their country yard. I agree, in general we don’t talk about pregnancy loss as openly as we should. Thank you again for *all* your words and the help they are to the rest of us. Blessings and healing to you and your family.

  • Samantha M.
    February 9, 2012 at 9:47 PM

    I just want to say how sorry I am, and I agree it is bullshit! I too came here for your freezer crock pot recipes (thank you, by the way) and read this entry. Your story sounds eerily similar to mine, and I’m glad you shared it. I found out I was pregnant last January a few days after my birthday, and had some bleeding episodes the following months and was put on bed rest. I went in for my 13 week appt, heard the heartbeat and thought “whew we made it” only be in the ER 3 weeks later with light bleeding and unbearable cramps. I was in labor, and the baby had passed at 15 weeks 2 days on April 10th. My husband and I decided to go home that night and do everything naturally. The next morning my water broke and everything progressed quickly. I too was really glad we got that time to hold and see our baby.

    I admire your strength to post this and put your raw feelings out there. I don’t get the stigma behind keeping miscarriages a secret. The first one I kept a secret but the second I didn’t, why should I have to? I’m glad you have found some peace and are able to move on. It’s been almost a year now and it still hurts, it’s good to know I’m not the only one whose going through this, and I wish more women would share their stories! I’ll be keeping you and your family and in my thoughts =)

  • Kari
    February 10, 2012 at 7:50 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring us to share our experiences with one another rather than keeping them private. Words cannot describe how much comfort your words have given me.

  • Karen Buck
    February 11, 2012 at 1:37 AM

    Thank you for sharing your story! I feel the pain you are living. Time will eventually help, but there will always be those anniversaries; first day of school, time to play tee-ball, time to get a driver’s license, high school graduation etc. I miscarried my third pregnancy; after having two beautiful daughters, I lost a son. I was home alone and was lucky ( if one can be in this situation) that I delivered the baby and placenta in about a 30 minute time span. Even though it was quick , it was not painless. I was about 16 weeks and delivered a tiny little person. It happened over a weekend, I thought I had a stomach virus or food poisoning. This was many years ago and the attitude was that I should just be able to get over it in a couple of weeks but that doesn’t happen. After a long grieving process, it seemed as if every where I went someone was pregnant or had a new baby, I became pregnant again without trying or thinking about it. Have now had a two successful pregnancies since my miscarriage and finally got a son to make my life complete. Thank you again for sharing, hopefully someone else will be comforted by your story. I wish I could have had the comfort of knowing that others had gone thru the same type situation.

  • Tammy
    February 11, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    Stephanie, what a brave woman you are to tell your story in hopes of helping out another woman. I, like some other commenters, came to your blog through Pintrest looking for crockpot recipes and stumbled upon your story. Although I have never suffered a miscarriage, I am a mom, and your story moved me to tears. I admire your strength and resilience. Penelope is a lucky girl to have a mom like you.

    • Stephanie
      February 11, 2012 at 2:02 PM

      Thanks so much, Tammy.

  • Katie B.
    February 11, 2012 at 3:18 PM

    I came across your blog from Pinterest, while looking for crock pot recipes, and I found this post. I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to write this. You are right, for something that happens so often, no one talks about it openly enough, and for a woman to go through it, it makes you feel very alone.

    I miscarried my first pregnancy this past summer, and it was devastating. I was only 7 weeks, and that was one of the most painful experiences of my life (physically), I cannot imagine what you went through twice as far along as I was.

    I am so sorry for you loss, but its a wonderful thing to share it with others like you have done. Thank you.

    • Stephanie
      February 11, 2012 at 9:08 PM

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read it.

  • Mariah
    February 12, 2012 at 1:18 AM

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost two of my own. Your experience sounds horrible and I’m not sure I could have done that on my own. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and I lost over 40% of the blood in my body because I didn’t know what was going on. I was glad to see that you mentioned to your readers that a “normal” miscarriage is like a heavy period. If someone had told me that I might not have had the experience I did. I just wanted to let other women know that if you think you are bleeding too much, you probably are. If you get to the point that you are too tired to care anymore, get to the hospital not into bed. It’s better safe than sorry. I was ready to crawl into bed and go to sleep, but my husband convinced me that we needed to go to the hospital, immediately. It was a good thing he did. I was hemmoraging and didn’t realize it.

    Life has gotten much better since that day almost twelve years ago. I now have two beautiful children (seven and a half years apart in age), but they were worth the wait! I finally had to realize that God has a plan, I don’t have to know what it is, I just have to follow the game plan. Everything is in HIS time and He has really rewarded my patience.

    • Stephanie
      February 12, 2012 at 3:23 AM

      That is good advice, if you think you are bleeding too much, you probably are. Miscarriage (and birth for that matter) are such instinctual processes, that you have to really trust your body and listen to your gut. I would like to add, that the amount of blood I lost is considered normal. I was trying to make the point, that usually earlier in pregnancy miscarriages there less blood than later in pregnancy miscarriages, at least that is how my experience has been with me. Thank you so much for sharing and lots of love to you.

  • Kristin
    February 12, 2012 at 1:43 AM

    Omgosh, Stephanie, your story brought back so many memories for me! I, too, had a m/c at 11 weeks and was instructed to go home and try to go through it naturally. I loved my ob but I was given no direction other than to keep trash bags under me while I was in bed. Having no idea of what too expect physically, it was the longest week of my life and full of complications. I developed an allergy to the painkillers I was on and became really sick and since I wasn’t able to pass the baby/placenta/tissue after a week of cramps and contractions, I had to have a d/c . That was 12 years ago. I wish someone could have helped me to know what to do and expect during that time of my life. I’m so glad that you are willing to be that person to someone else!! I hope that through your losses you are able to bless someone else with your wisdom (as sad as that is.). Thank you for your story. God Bless.

    • Stephanie
      February 12, 2012 at 3:20 AM

      Thank so much for sharing, that must have been so difficult to go through. Lots of love to you.

  • Hannah
    February 12, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    thank you for sharing your experience. I had one as well and since it was my first pregnancy had no idea what was going on and what to expect. I hope others in need will find your site. The whole situation was horrible for me and when I did go to the hospital they were no help. So sorry for your loss.

  • Sarah
    February 12, 2012 at 8:38 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. After having 2 health boys I have had 3 miscarriages in a row, the most recent was last month at 15 weeks. You have amazing strength and courage, my heart goes out to you and your family.

  • Tamara
    February 13, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I am 7 months pregnant now, but my husband and I miscarried our first baby in Feb. 2011. Mine also happened at 12 weeks, and I have to say that as much as I really liked my OB, I truly believe that they all take the same class on how to handle delivering that news. I was alone at that particular appointment, it was my very first pregnancy, and all the ultrasound tech told me was that there was no heartbeat. Logically I fully understood what that meant, but in my head I was holding onto hope that my baby was fine. As you mentioned, no one ever said “dead baby”. It sounds harsh, but that’s exactly what I needed to hear. What I didn’t need was to hear that there was no heart beat, and then be stuck in an exam room for an hour waiting for the doctor. But I digress. At the time, my husband and I elected to go with a D&C, because I had to frame of reference for this type of situation. I felt like I had done something wrong, that I had failed at my job of protecting my baby. Soon after I discovered that most of the women in my family and my husband’s family had experienced at least one miscarriage. I think women need to be more open about this topic. I know it would’ve helped me to talk to another woman who knew what I was going through. So thank you again.

  • Sarah
    February 13, 2012 at 7:16 PM

    Thanks for sharing your story. My first pregnancy miscarried at 10 weeks. I was so ignorant. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know I could have told the well-meaning people to go home and leave me alone. I didn’t know I had choices. I didn’t know I might have held my baby in all that mess. And now I sit here and grieve again, as I have countless times over the last dozen years. I was grateful to avoid the d&c, as my body took care of everything in few short hours. I think of that baby every July 21st, the day she should have been born. She’d have turned 12 this coming summer. Maybe everything happens for a reason. I don’t know. My faith tells me I’ll meet her someday, but I’d much rather have had the opportunity to know her now. But life goes on and it’s time to think of dinner for the 3 I have been privileged parent in the here and now. Peace.

  • Marisa
    February 13, 2012 at 7:32 PM

    I didn’t want to read the post, but I forced myself to. I read the whole thing with tears streaming down my face. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Iam sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience. I had a similar experience myself at 13 weeks, and we buried our baby out in front of my kitchen window. I spent the following two weeks taking care of myself, one of my sons, and husband while we were sick with the stomach flu, so I never felt like I got to recover and mourn. Reading your story in detail brought all those memories and feelings back. I admire your courage to share it with the world, as I know it will help many women who need comfort and reassurance.

  • claire
    February 15, 2012 at 8:01 AM

    it is clear from all of these powerful comments, that by being brave enough to share your story, you have helped and supported heaps of others, myself included. i am so sorry for your loss, i know how devastating it is. i also know how bizarre the stigma of talking about it is, i was truly shocked after losing my baby at how ‘unmentionable’ it felt around even my close friends and loved ones. three cheers to you for breaking that stigma and reaching out to so many women who know and can sympathize with your pain. we are so grateful.

    • Stephanie
      February 15, 2012 at 2:29 PM

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Claire, hope you are doing well.

  • Samantha Shaw
    February 15, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    I was just looking through your blog and came across this post. I just want to say how sorry I am that this happened. I’m so sorry for the loss of your little one.

    • Stephanie
      February 16, 2012 at 1:48 PM

      Thanks so much, Samantha.

  • Toni Porter
    February 16, 2012 at 6:54 AM

    I am so sorry you had to go through that! I have had two babies in the past almost three years and my first one, perfect beginning of the pregnancy and then at 33 1/2 weeks my blood pressure rose and I was in the hospital and my son was born. Tiny 3 lb. 12 oz. I didn’t get to see him for two hours after he was born because the spinal had to wear off. And of course I was a first time mom leaving the hospital to go home without my baby…I CRIED HARD! Three weeks of daily visits, constant pumping and storing milk and all his baby pictures he is covered in an oxygen tube up his nose, a feeding tube (strangely up his nose), and monitor wires on his chest and feet. He had Jaundice and I actually had a nurse tell me that I could hold my baby cause he needed the light…I told her that my son needs to feel his momma, smell his momma and be loved by his momma (wanted to tell her to F*** off no one was going to tell me I couldn’t hold my baby)…so naturally I did! Then 17 months after my first son was born I got pregnant again BUT I had a hemorrhage where the egg had attached itself, and an ovarian cyst. So the beginning of this pregnancy I was on bed rest with a toddler. Not easy at all! But through that pregnancy my blood pressure never elevated and the hemorrhage and the cyst eventually went away. I grew a very active baby boy who went full term. You are so right how pregnancies can be different! To this day my eldest is calm where as my 8 month old wants your attention ASAP 24/7. I believe that God has a plan for us all. By having my first 7 weeks early, the doctor was able to monitor me closer for my second. I had weekly visits and ultrasounds. Don’t give up! God has a plan for you and though it is hard to take having Faith that he will take care of you and give you what you need, will make you stronger.

    “God doesn’t give you anything you can not handle, I wish he didn’t trust me so much” Mother Teresa

    • Stephanie
      February 16, 2012 at 1:44 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story and commenting. So happy for you and your two healthy boys!

  • amie
    February 18, 2012 at 4:18 AM

    wow. i just stumbled upon your blog. thank you thank you thank you for sharing. it’s been almost 7 years since i lost my 2nd baby at between 6-8 gestation. i am grateful that the loss was, physically, easy-like a heavy period. emotionally and mentally, it is a loss that i still grieve deeply. something that is tucked deep down inside me; it’s hard to share. but i find so much comfort in the community of women who have had similar experiences. thank you for sharing your story.

  • Angela Linville
    February 19, 2012 at 11:12 PM

    Thank you for your beautiful, descriptive, brave and heartfelt post. I cried and smiled and offered up prayers for you all. I have never personally experienced a miscarriage, but have struggled with infertility, and had 2 very difficult pregnancies – with the constant fear of miscarriage – that both ended with natural full-term (hospital/midwife) childbirth. I stumbled upon your blog today after seeing the freezer meals on pinterest. I have since copied them all with the intention of making them very soon, and subscribed to the email feed! With the little time I’ve had to look over your blog, I feel that we are kindred spirits in so many ways. Because of this, I wanted to share some info with you. I teach the Creighton Model FertilityCare System (an updated, scientific form of NFP), and only have my babies because of NaProTechnology (the cooperative medical science that resulted from the FertilityCare System). You mentioned not being sure you want another pregnancy – and I feel the same way, though I would love more children!!! There should be more info on miscarriages, and in many cases there are simple, safe, natural ways to prevent them! If you have any questions, I would love to visit with you about it, or check out our websites – there is a lot of great information! Thanks again for your wonderful post(s) – I can’t wait to read more!

  • Ashlie
    February 20, 2012 at 6:53 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks with you, and I wish you peace and healing upon the loss of your baby.I had 2 miscarriages in 2003, 3 1/2 months apart. I started spotting, and at the ER, the doctor said “well, it doesn’t look good”, no I’m sorry, nothing. I completely lost it, so badly my sweet hubby took me to see a preist on the way home. The second one, there was just no heartbeat. I opted for a D & C both times. We had the babies blessed , and I have my “Baby Box” in the top of the closet with their baptismal certificates, the shell that was used to pour Holy Water on the babies, the crib toy we bought…it has been 8 years, and I still cry when I open the box. As horrible as my miscarriages were, I wouldn’t have my second daughter if they didn’t happen; and she is a true belssing. Many healing thoughts are coming your way.

    • Stephanie
      February 20, 2012 at 7:31 PM

      How wonderful that you had the babies blessed! That thought never even occurred to me. Thanks for sharing. Lots of love to you.

  • Teronia Bayonne (Tara)
    February 23, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    I can’t even image what you must have felt like. When I was 23 I became pregnant for the first time, but it resulted in a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks. I had a horrible experience with the doctor who did the ultrasound, she made me feel like I was crazy and was so casual about the news. I was at that appointment alone and just cried in my car on the phone to my mom who immediately came from 3 states away on the bus to be with me and get a second opinion. Since it was a missed miscarriage I had the choice to wait, get a dnc or take the pills to help me because my body hadn’t recognized what happened yet. I wanted to wait, but I was pressured not to. So I took the pills. I thought that it was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, it was so painful and like you said, you get nothing in the end. I fortunately was able to take a few days off while all the bleeding and cramping subsided. I am now 26 and have a beautiful 17 month old daughter. Going through the beginning of the pregnancy with her was so stressful, whenever we checked to hear the heartbeat and it was there I would just cry with relief. I was scared my whole pregnancy.Plus, I had the stress of my mom being hospitalized for 2 months and then suddenly passing away. I thought the stress was hurting my baby, but she is so vivacious, curious and smart I know she was just chilling in there the whole time. I want one more. If I could just have a little copy of my fiance (boy) I feel my life would be complete, but I had not even considered what if I miscarry again. I am sitting here with tears running down my face. Another poster said that it had been 4 years and people expected her to get over it. Shit on them! Thank you for sharing this story miscarriage is such a taboo topic, it mkaes it hard for those who go through it.

    • Stephanie
      February 24, 2012 at 5:12 AM

      Thanks for saying, shit on them! I love a fellow potty mouth. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story. Yeah, I was a wreck with Penelope’s pregnancy, constantly peeing on pregnancy tests and worrying and of course felt guilty that I wasn’t all zen for her.

  • cindi holbrook
    February 23, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    I also stumbled here looking for your crockpot recipes. So glad I did. I had my first and only miscarriage in 2003. Just typing that seems unreal to me, it feels emotionally like yesterday. I was 14 weeks pregnant and we were scheduled for an ultrasound, they were actually going to attempt to determine the sex of our baby. I had just had my youngest daughter in Feb and was due with this baby the next Jan 18th. My husband, baby Zoe and I together were at the ob office waiting to see our baby. It was July. Zoe was 5 months old. They listened to the heartbeat. There wasn’t one. They said we would do the ultrasound anyway in case she was hiding. I was already devastated. My heart knew before my ears heard it. My dr said the baby had stopped growing 2 weeks before. I had NO pain, spotting. Nothing. We sat there devastated. The nurse and doctor both showered us with appologies and sympathy. They took Zoe to play in another room to give us a moment alone. 2 days after my visit my midwife called me to check on me. I did choose the d and c. I seriously REGRET that decision everyday. I never got to see my baby, touch her or know anything about her. James and I always assumed the baby was a girl. Mia was the name we gave her. I asked my dr at my post op appt about the baby and he said she was just a mass of tissue. I now know this was F’n bullshit!!! I am still angry at myself for my decision, angry at the world my baby dying, guilty that maybe I caused this and sad that my kids never knew her, that we never spent a moment together. Why her? Why us? My heart breaks for you and your family. The thought that you have endoured this pain and loss once is enough, but to have more than once is so unfair and horrible. I commend you for sharing this story. By the outpouring of support you can see what it means to so many. Thank you

    • Stephanie
      February 24, 2012 at 5:09 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can’t imagine having to go through that at only 5 months post partum from your first baby! The doctor may have been telling the truth, for whatever reason, not every baby stays intact on the way out. Mia is such a beautiful name. Lots of love to you.

  • jen
    February 25, 2012 at 7:11 AM

    The strength of a woman. That’s what I thought after reading this. And yes, it’s complete f’ing BS! <3

    • Stephanie
      February 25, 2012 at 10:57 PM

      Thank you for saying that!

  • Amy @ Finer Things
    February 26, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    Wow. Just wow. I’ve miscarried at home naturally twice, but read this with my jaw dropped. My first miscarriage was at 11 weeks (the second was an earlier 7 weeks) and still was nothing like you described, for which I am so very grateful! I’m so sorry you had to endure such pain!

    • Stephanie
      February 27, 2012 at 2:35 AM

      Thanks for your sweet words. What was your experience like?

  • Shelli Wallace
    February 26, 2012 at 6:13 PM

    Stephanie, You are my hero! And I originally thought it was just because of your amazing crock pot recipes! You are so brave to write about this very personal and tragic experience. I too, have been through miscarriages, and thankfully have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. It is maddening when people ask me why I stopped at one. Hopefully your story will open peoples eyes to the very real fact that not only do miscarriages happen when we are trying to have a baby, but they can also be the reason to STOP trying. I am pouring all of my love and energy into my daughter, and enjoying every minute of it!
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    • Stephanie
      February 27, 2012 at 2:34 AM

      Thank you so much for your comment. I am dreading the flak I will get from friends and family about only having one child.

  • marissa
    February 26, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    • Stephanie
      February 27, 2012 at 2:33 AM

      Thanks Marissa.

      • Julie
        February 27, 2012 at 6:57 PM

        I lost three before having my son – I know too well what it is like. Thank you for sharing your experience – you are very brave.

        • Stephanie
          February 28, 2012 at 12:56 AM

          Thanks so much Julie.

  • Tracey
    February 28, 2012 at 3:04 AM

    I was searching for recipes on Pinterest and came along this…My heart and prayers goes out to you and your family…In 2007 I got pregnant for the first time, I was so excited and the when I went for my 20 week ultrasound to find out what were having it took a drastic turn around. We found out that day that our baby boys kidneys were failing and his lungs were not developing, we were crushed. We were told that he would probably die before I would go in to labor but the days went on and we continued to pray and hold on to our faith, At 32 weeks I went into labor and our baby boy was born, he was quickly rushed to NICU and later on we got to hold him while he was on life support. 4 hours later they said there was nothing they could do and pulled the plug. Since then we have had a little girl and she is a true blessing but I am still crushed, each day gets a little easier but not a day goes by that I dont think about my Noah. Prayers and hugs to yall!

    • Stephanie
      February 28, 2012 at 4:26 PM

      Oh that is awful, so sorry to hear that. Thanks so much for sharing, lots of love to you.

  • Katherine
    February 28, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    When I went through my miscarriage Jan 2010 I searched for information on the web because I was told on a Friday the baby had passed and was sent home for the weekend to let it happen naturally. There was very very little to be found and I had no real idea what to expect. After the miscarriage when women would ask me how I was doing I asked them if I could share my story with them so if they ever, heaven forbid, had to go through one they would have an idea of what was going to happen. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Stephanie
      February 29, 2012 at 2:22 AM

      I really, really hope this post changes that for future women. Blessings to you.

  • April
    February 29, 2012 at 12:06 AM

    Firstof all I am sorry for your loss. When my son was 11 months old we got pregnant but 10 weeks later I started to bleed, I remembered reading that it’s completely normal so I didnt worry I just scheduled an appt to see my ob the next week. I woke in the middle of the night in so much pain I couldn’t hardley move, somehow I made it to the bathroom and just as I got my pants down I felt the baby coming out and land on the rug in front of the toilet. I sat down and delivered the placenta all the while I was crying and when it was all over I changed and went to lay in my bed. I told my husband to get rid of it because I just couldn’t deal with it especially having seen that the baby looked real with arms and legs. I think he folded the rug and placed it in a plastic bag and then took it out to the dumpster, that is my biggest regret I wish I had kept the baby and done something more meaningful or taken it with me to the ob…

    • Stephanie
      February 29, 2012 at 2:21 AM

      Oh that is so sad. I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with regret. Please don’t be hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can in any given moment. Forgiving yourself is the best thing (and hardest!) thing you can do. Lots of love to you and thanks for sharing. I bet there are a ton of women who have a similar experience and are now beating themselves up.

  • Nichoel
    February 29, 2012 at 3:11 AM

    Kudos to you for going through it naturally. I never knew that lots of people have miscarriges until I had mine august 2010. I felt so alone and then found out I wasn’t alone at all, not even close! No matter what it still hurts even though we know we aren’t alone. I wanted to do it naturally but I had a new job that I was starting less then a week later so I ended up with a D/C. I watched a friend go through it naturally and I couldn’t believe how much pain she was in =[ I’m glad to live in this day and age to know that we all can share these types of things and not feel alone. We ended up pregnant again March 2011 and had our beautiful baby boy Nov 2011. My heart goes out to you and all those that have lost a little one. I don’t know what I would do without my baby boy!

    • Stephanie
      February 29, 2012 at 4:14 PM

      Congratulations on your baby boy! My daughter is a November birthday too. 🙂

  • Lilly
    February 29, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this xx

    • Stephanie
      February 29, 2012 at 4:12 PM

      Thanks so much for reading!

  • Jill W.
    February 29, 2012 at 7:58 PM

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I am miscarrying even as I write this (though I believe the worst is over). I was only 6-1/2 weeks along, so it wasn’t as physically traumatic for me as it was for you, but it is still very painful emotionally. Your blog reminded me that I am not alone.

    • Stephanie
      February 29, 2012 at 8:03 PM

      Oh Jill, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope its all over soon. Love to you.

  • Michelle
    March 3, 2012 at 10:52 PM

    Thank you so much for posting this. I just had my first miscarriage on 2/10/12. I have an 18 month old son and my pregnancy with him was perfect so when I got pregnant again I thought it would be the same thing well at 7 weeks things took a turn for the worst and I went into the doctor and they told me there was no heartbeat and I’d have a miscarriage. I was completely heartbroken, angry that this happened to us, depressed, sad, it was awful. I went home that day had back pain and contractions and the next morning the baby came out. Not knowing what to do I picked the baby up out of the toliet and held the baby and cried. The thought of flushing a baby down the toliet seemed inhumane to me so I opted not to do so. Anyhow I just wanted to say I am sorry for you loss and your so right about women not talking about it, I don’t know why they don’t. It’s bullshit that it has to happen to us.

    • Stephanie
      March 4, 2012 at 1:59 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing. Sending you lots of healing love and light.

  • Amanda Griffith
    March 5, 2012 at 4:39 AM

    Stephanie….I cannot even tell you how my heart hurts for you (and all the other women who commented). I read this with tears rolling down my face…..I am inspired by your strength and grateful for your courage to share experience….Penelope is lucky to have you for a mother and Peter is lucky to have your for a wife….My little girl Mary-Ainsley is 2 1/2 and we tried for about a year to get pregnant with her and have been trying ttc again since 2/10…I am so glad I found your blog and got to read everyone’s story….i think it is so healing to know that others have read your story and shared their own….everyone wants the little soul they lost to be acknowledged….

    • Stephanie
      March 6, 2012 at 1:03 AM

      Thanks so much sharing and for your sweet words, Amanda. You are right, everyone just wants to be heard, have a witness and be acknowledged.

  • Bekki
    March 8, 2012 at 9:32 PM

    It is so good to hear women talking about their miscarriage experiences. It IS fucking bullshit. All that pain for no good reason! And it needs a different fucking name. I’m not a master of semantics, but… mis-carriage… as if it were carried wrong. I think THAT is where the guilt comes from. The name itself tells us we did something wrong. Ugh ugh ugh.
    I am years out from my last loss, and managed to end my childbearing days on a high note, but I still feel the need to talk about them all. The healing continues, even under the scar tissue.
    Thank you for sharing your story and your research on natural options!

    • Stephanie
      March 9, 2012 at 1:40 AM

      Thanks for joining the conversation. I agree, the world of obstetrics has some seriously deranged words and titles for things. It’s like they are purposely trying to mess with our mind and take away our power. And technically, a miscarriage is a layman’s term, the real medical term is abortion. A woman who has had several miscarriage, a serial aborter. Now that is just some craziness!

  • Barbra
    March 12, 2012 at 4:40 AM

    I can’t tell you how much my heart breaks for you! Thank you for sharing your story. A little over a year ago, Jan 31st 2011, I went to the doctor at 17 weeks pregnant. I was getting a sonogram and was hoping to find out the sex of the baby. My husband and two children (ages six and three) were in there with me. If I ever have another baby I have decided my children will no longer be present at sonograms. I hate that they had to witness this and I couldn’t protect them from it. The sonogram came up on a big screen on the wall right in front of us. The technician got a funny look on her face and left the room, leaving us to stare at the image of what we suddenly realized silently was our dead baby. The doctor came in and said “We can’t find a heartbeat”. He never said “I’m sorry”. I opted for a natural miscarriage, but when it didn’t happen after two weeks I had to get a D&C. It was a boy, we named him and gave him a funeral at burial at a cemetery. It is such a hellish experience, and even now a year later I am still pulling myself together. Then I had a second miscarriage in November at 6 weeks. Oddly enough both pregnancies had the SAME due date, just one year apart. The second one was like a heavy period. Thank you again for sharing your story. It gives the rest of us courage to step out of the shadows and tell our stories too. Maybe someday the result of this sharing will be that it is no longer a taboo subject and women will no longer have to suffer in silence!

    • Stephanie
      March 13, 2012 at 1:57 AM

      Oh my gosh, that must have been hard. I am so glad I did not have my daughter in with me. Thanks for your comment and so sorry for your losses.

  • Milaka
    March 12, 2012 at 2:11 PM

    Thank you so much for posting this. I had a miscarriage between my two live births. It wasn’t anything like yours, but it was uniquely my own. As I read your post, I found myself smiling – our bodies ARE amazing and I’m so glad that in the midst of this sad experience you could still marvel at that. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. But I am joyful that you did it on your terms.

    • Stephanie
      March 13, 2012 at 1:56 AM

      Thank you so much for your comment, Milaka and so sorry for your loss as well.

  • Mary
    March 13, 2012 at 5:06 AM

    Thank you to everyone who posted their stories, here is mine… We became pregnant in April 2009, we didn’t know much about pregnancy and miscarriage, so my husband and I told EVERYONE as soon as we found out! Bad idea we miscarried at 6 weeks… That miscarriage was like a heavy period. Fast forward to July 2010 we’re preggers again YAY! Or not so much, we miscarried at 8 weeks… This miscarriage was much more painful, I am sure I had something like labor pains. On December 29th 2011 we’re preggers yet again, we were far more excited this time and had healed from the last two. We really felt like 3 is a charm. It was our time! We talked to the baby, about the baby all the fun stuff…. fast forward 12 weeks the bleeding started 🙁 On February 20th we miscarried again. This miscarriage wasn’t as painful as the 8 week one, It was more graphic, LOTS of bleeding! We have started all of the testing no real results yet but we are hopeful that we will find some answers. I wanted to comment and share with everyone what having 3 natural miscarriages has taught me. Miscarriage may happen in a women body but that baby belongs to a man and a women. Women often take ownership of miscarriages saying I miscarried… (any women who has been through a miscarriage, knows that as a women there is a period of self blame. I drank caffeine, I picked up something too heavy, I ate lunch meat, I had that glass of wine at 4 weeks… You know all the crazies that went through your head) Remember WE! You both suffered the loss of a baby! Men may handle it differently but they feel the emotional pain of loss just like you! DON’T BLAME YOURSELF!

    • Stephanie
      March 13, 2012 at 2:03 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing, so sorry for your losses. It is hard to remember that our partners are grieving too, in their own way.

  • Brandi
    March 14, 2012 at 11:27 PM

    I fell in love with your blog and recipes a few months ago and while planning my dinners before I went grocery shopping I ran across your beautiful story. I had a miscarriage at only 5 weeks in 2006 after trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years. I started cramping and bleeding and kept telling myself, “oh this is nothing. Lots of people bleed during pregnancies and their babies are just fine”. I ended up calling my doctor and he told me to come in the next morning for a blood test. The test showed my hormone levels were fine. So I had more blood tests done every 2 days for the next week. They all showed my levels increasing so therefore I must be pregnant. I wasn’t far enough along for them to see anything on an ultrasound so this is all they could do. Bullshit (I say under my breath while coughing). In the mean time I’m bleeding and cramping. One day something about the size of a half dollar passed that was gray. I stared at that BABY and knew exactly what he was but just told myself it was just a blood clot and didn’t tell anyone. The only people who knew about what was going on were my husband and my supervisor at work. So I went along thinking and pretending I was pregnant until finally I was able to get an ultrasound that revealed there wasn’t anything in my uterus. Then I had a uterine biopsy that showed no pregnancy had ever existed. That biopsy was both physically and emotionally painful. The doctor had no sympathy (she was not my doctor, just another in my doctor’s office). They shrugged it off and sent me on my way like I had just had a pap smear. That was when I had to tell everyone what I had been going through. I didn’t want the sympathy. I just wanted to be by myself and deal with it. I wish I had told more people about what I was going through while I was going through it. I didn’t even tell my husband everything until much later. I spent the next few months hiding in the shower where I dealt with my emotions. I knew how I felt about it but everyone else made it seem like I shouldn’t be that upset about it because it hadn’t been that long. I am so happy for you to get the chance to hold your baby and still keep him close. I wish I had been brave like you and I want to thank you for sharing your story and allowing me to share mine.

    • Stephanie
      March 14, 2012 at 11:34 PM

      I am so sorry for your loss Brandi. Thank you for sharing your story. I know many women will resonate with it. In a way, my early 1st trimester miscarriages, were almost worst because like you said, people don’t put as much validity in them. So you end up suffering alone (and in my case that was self imposed because I never told anyone). With this miscarriage, at almost 12 weeks, it seems my grief is much more socially acceptable. But they are all the same and my heart goes out to you.

  • Jessica
    March 16, 2012 at 5:55 PM

    I love this post. So honest! I, too, birthed a 12 week miscarriage in July 2009 . It was the most excruciating pain in my life (I took pain pills but they didn’t touch the pain) but I couldn’t bring myself to have a D&C as I couldn’t bring myself to accept that my baby was gone. It wasn’t until my body was ready that I had to accept the fact. My husband and I were heartbroken and he was my rock through it all. We will not be having another one as our son is now 17. God bless you and all your posters who have gone through similar situations.

    • Stephanie
      March 16, 2012 at 7:54 PM

      Thanks for your comment. So sorry to hear about your loss.

  • Maria Miller
    March 18, 2012 at 4:34 PM

    Thank you to everyone for sharing their miscarriage stories. I am so sorry for your loss (es). I too, have now had three miscarriages and do not have any children. The first was a blighted ovum, which I had a d and c to remove the tissue. The second my baby’s heart stopped beating at 8 weeks 6 days. I had another d and c to have the tissue tested for abnormalities. There were none. After that, I was tested for fertility problems and was diagnosed with Thrombophilia ( a blood clotting disorder). In order to stay pregnant, I would have to have daily injections of Lovenox into my belly for my baby to get blood. After discovering this, I became pregnant for a third time. I began my injections about a week and a half after finding out I was pregnant. I had my first sonogram and there was not a fetus present. Just an empty sac. The doctors ( I had several) decided to see if the fetus would grow eventually, so it wasn’t until about the 10th week that the doctors gave up hope. I found this out on my 34th birthday. I had to take cytotec in order to expel the tissue. It was horrendous. Not only that, but my work (I’m an elementary school teacher) was not understanding at all and I was told that my absences were not benefitting my students. I went to work while miscarrying, teaching, feeling tissue fall from me and afraid that I would bleed through my clothes. My bosses told me that I needed to be on anti-depressants and that i needed to stop crying because my husband wouldn’t want someone who cries all the time. (I only cried when they confronted me about my absences— I was gone for 4 days and had doctor’s notes to back this up) My teammates didn’t help me out by making copies when I was absent ( although I have done this many times for them whenever they needed help) and told my bosses I was irresponsible (my bosses said they agreed) What the hell did these people think I was going through? This was fucking hell! I hated everything, everyone, and thought about just ending everything. I ended up taking lots of pain pills and wine just to not feel anything. I am still so pissed off from thinking back to that experience. Now, it’s been about 3 1/2 months since this last miscarriage and I’m terrified to try again. This has been the longest time I have not been hormonal, (since all of these miscarriages happened in year’s time) and I’m feeling better. I have an amazing husband and sweet dogs that help to make things fun. Right now I’m terrified of having another miscarriage, terrified of showing emotion, terrified of going to work. We are hoping to try again this summer, just in case I miscarry again, then I don’t have to miss work. This just sucks. I loved all my babies, I dream of holding them, feeling their weight in my arms, smelling their sweet baby smells. I can only hope that one day, I will be holding my sweet baby! Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. I have often felt ashamed and embarrassed that I felt so lost during my miscarriages. Thanks for the freedom to write without fear of making people uncomfortable.

    • Stephanie
      March 19, 2012 at 12:38 AM

      I am so sorry your losses Maria. Thank you for sharing. You have been through so much. How strong you are! Lots of love to you.

  • Katrina
    March 19, 2012 at 11:16 PM

    Wow, so sorry for your loss 🙁
    Since turning 40, I have had 5 miscarriage. The first one was at 11 weeks, second at 10 weeks, third at 6 weeks. The other two were very early, in the second week after testing positive. I, too, chose to have my miscarriages at home. One happened while sitting in the bath for close to 4 hours. During the entire thing I read almost all of the 5th book of the Outlander series, lol. I remember looking down at one point, and the red water…I had no idea the miscarriage had started until I looked down and saw the red water. I freaked me out for a second, but then I just drained the tub and started over with fresh water, and all went well. I had mild back pain with my miscarriages, but nothing major. I homebirthed my last 3 children and so having the miscarriages at home didn’t seem like such an awful idea. I am the only one of my friends who did not go to the hospital for the D&C, and I have a lot of friends who have miscarried. But since I am also the only one of all my friends that choses to have her babies at home instead of in a hospital, I guess this shouldn’t surprise me! I am glad that I chose to have the miscarriages at home. The entire process, while sad and painful, helped me to come to terms with saying good-bye to my child. For me, that is how I needed to do it. I wanted to be in control of the birth; I did not want my child to be taken from my womb and disposed of by a doctor and nurses. I always thought “but that’s just ME” until I read this post! It’s good to see that others choose to do it the same way, that it’s not just me and some crazy notion that I have in my head 😉
    Thank you for sharing your story. His is a link to my first miscarriage experience. It’s been almost two years since it happened and I still cannot read this post without choking up!

    • Stephanie
      March 20, 2012 at 12:39 AM

      So sorry for your losses. Thank you so much for your comment and link to your blog, so happy to be introduced to it.

  • Jamie
    March 20, 2012 at 4:21 PM

    Hello Stephanie, I went to your website at my moms request, seeking a different diet for my achy belly, then saw this. I am currently 69 days late, have all the signs and symptoms of pregnancy but all tests at home are negative. In my long history of birthing live babies and having numerous miscarriages, my heart feels that this is yet another soul that won’t be born to me. I’ve been avoiding the Dr, thus trying to avoid the news and what to do about it. I’ve had only one d&c, but my last baby was born at home and if I am in the midst of another failed pregnancy, well I just prefer to stay home. Thank you so much for offering your story of loss, as well as options for a natural resolution. ~jamie

    • Stephanie
      March 20, 2012 at 4:29 PM

      Thanks so much for reading and sharing your story as well. Sending you some love and light.

  • Annie
    March 28, 2012 at 3:47 PM

    I randomly came across your blog from pinterest – then saw this post. My heart sank yet made me smile (if that is possible). I haven’t read another post (except the freezer food) but my heart is to you and your family. I am 13 weeks pregnant and it took us awhile to get here. I can’t even begin to fathom your heartache —- but for some reason I smile because as Christian (and I’m not sure if this is a proper place/time for this but …) I feel God will heal and help you and your family!! THANK YOU for sharing such an amazingly personal story to those who may have a difficult time expressing their feelings!

    • Stephanie
      March 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM

      Thanks so much for your kind words. Congrats on your pregnancy!

  • Mellissa
    March 29, 2012 at 5:47 PM

    Hi Stephanie,
    It sounds like you and I were pregnant and miscarried at just about the exact same time. I was 12 weeks along as well, with my first pregnancy that ended in January. We had just started to announce the pregnancy to more than just our close inner circle and had a great doctor’s appointment the week before we found out. It was so devastating, I’m crying even now as I write this.
    I couldn’t agree with you more when you wrote that more people should talk about miscarriages. I knew that it was a possibility, but I brushed it aside in the usual, “it won’t happen to me,” ignorance. I did EVERYTHING right from the moment we decided to start trying to have a baby 5 months prior . . . no drinking, taking vitamins, quit my allergy medication, etc. and thought that would be all it would take to overcome the 20% chance that it would happen to me and my baby.
    Afterwards, several people came to me and told me that they had miscarried. I was so shocked at how many women I knew had gone through some form of the same thing! Outside of grieving with my husband, these confessions and acknowledging that miscarriages DO happen and it doesn’t make you any less of a mother or woman made all of the difference in the world. I couldn’t bring my baby back, but it was a relief.
    I guess it might just be the fact that a miscarriage is something you need to go through before you can really ever truly understand the pain and emotional toll it takes, but it would sure be nice if the subject weren’t quite so taboo. Thank you for your post and I’m terribly sorry you had to go through what you did.

    • Stephanie
      March 30, 2012 at 8:12 PM

      Hi Melissa, thanks so much for your comment. I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through the same thing. Sending you lots of healing love and light.

  • Marissa
    April 4, 2012 at 9:16 AM

    I just came across this post and I really needed to read this. I am miscarrying right now as I type this. I didn’t know I was pregnant and I’m 14 weeks in. This isn’t my first miscarriage so I knew instantly what was going on with my body and only went in to my doctor to be checked to be sure it was indeed a miscarriage and to estimate how far along I was. She is really pushing me to have a d and c. Honestly though I just don’t want to. I feel like since I didn’t even know I was pregnant i should be able to at least birth this baby and have as much time with getting use to the fact I’m not ever going to see him/her develop. I feel like such ashamed and like a failure. I honestly am still in shock. Anyway I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. Youre a brave and strong mama.

    • Stephanie
      April 4, 2012 at 12:56 PM

      My heart goes out to you right now. I hope everything goes smoothly and easily. You just reminded me to update this post, I later wrote another post about things you can do to help complete a miscarriage, if you are bleeding for a long time, so be sure to read that too. I am going to include the link in a second.

  • Lana
    April 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    Yesterday, at ten weeks I found out that I miscarried. It was my first pregnancy. The baby only developed to six weeks and then stopped and started to disintegrate. There was no baby to be found in the ultrasound . The doctors immediately ordered me a D/C but didn’t even tell me about the option to go through it naturally at home. I don’t like the idea of having surgery for something that the body will do naturally. The baby was a surprise but my husband and I had already picked out names and started envisioning our lives with this child. I feel numb at the moment and unsure of what to feel or think.

    • Stephanie
      April 14, 2012 at 6:41 PM

      Hi Lana, my heart goes out to you right now. Just take it slow and don’t feel rushed to make any decisions. You will know what is best for you. Lots of love and prayers.

  • Sarah
    April 25, 2012 at 4:43 AM

    Thank you for sharing this. A friend of my miscarried 2x last year, both around 12 weeks. She has a blog for support for people who have gone through miscarriage where they can share their stories and photos of their babies if they choose to. Here is the link:

  • Kathy
    May 7, 2012 at 12:20 AM

    Reading your story was exactly the same as my story up until the decision not to go to hospital. I got married at 39 and all my life I had waited for this moment to have a husband and to start a family. I got pregnant the first time and started spotting at 7 weeks. When we went back in 2 weeks time for the ultrasound I got the “there’s no heartbeat” as well and I was completely devasted. The fact that my husband was outside on a business call and we had waited long enough to join us was another issue. Here I am on my own being told my baby was dead. We went home I drank champagne and camembert cheese which you can’t eat when you are pregant and I thought we are not celebrating but I’m going to enjoy my cheese. I was very sad however I knew that logically this is your amazing body getting rid of something that is not quite right but emotionally I wanted that baby so you are torn. They told me that I needed to have a D/c and my husband was going out of town for 2 days on business and wouldn’t cancel his trip and I said I wanted to wait until he got back. Again you are not in the right frame of mind when they have just told you your first pregnancy is no longer. Anyway we went home and that night I thought I can’t wait I don’t think having a dead baby inside me is really a good idea and opted for the hospital option. He did not cancel his trip (which I was shocked at) given I had never been in hospital in my life before for an operation and I had only had my first blood test at about 38 given I’m very healthy. Long story his mother took the day off work to be at the hospital with me and I had the operation. It is very sad but I know that it was nature at it’s finest. I then went on to have 2 beautiful children my first at 40 and my 2nd at 42 and they are amazing. I am no longer with my husband as he kept cheating on me and refused to be faithful and I deserve better than that. One in 4 women have a miscarriage so it’s more than likely you know lots of people. You are a very brave person for going through that miscarriage at home and I know it is not something that I could have coped with, nor wanted to endure given the loss anyway. I take my hat off to you but a miscarriage is nature taking care of business. It does not mean that you won’t be able to have another baby. All the best. Regards, Kathy, Brisbane, Australia

    • Stephanie
      May 7, 2012 at 2:13 AM

      So sorry to hear of your loss. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Love to you.

  • Lee
    May 8, 2012 at 3:03 AM

    Thank you. I feel less alone. I’ve felt like I was broken for a while now, but you help to show that the light does come back eventually. I’m so sorry that you and Peter have lost your sweet baby. My heart and prayers go out to you.

  • Jeannette
    May 28, 2012 at 4:34 AM

    I found your blog through a friend and I just have to thank you for this post specifically. I suffered 5 natural miscarriages at home (ranging from 6-10 weeks) before my daughter was born (at 31 weeks and 2 lbs).
    Not nearly enough is said about miscarriages in general, despite how common they are, and certainly no one ever wants to hear about the nitty gritty details of doing it on your own. I, for one, couldn’t bear the thought of a d & c. I needed the closure and, like you, I needed to be able to say goodbye on my own terms. Your detailing was so familiar to me and I found myself nodding and cursing along as I read the post. Thank you again for bringing this subject to light. I’m sorry for your loss. Rest assured that the story of your son’s short life has and will touch so many people.

    • Stephanie
      May 29, 2012 at 1:41 AM

      So sorry for your losses too. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  • Mayra
    May 29, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    I just had a natural miscarrage in my house today in the morning :(i was 10 weeks and 3 day,.thank you for sharing your story its helping me alot. Thank you again

    • Stephanie
      May 29, 2012 at 11:41 PM

      So sorry for your loss Mayra. Hope healing goes easy for you. Lots of love.

  • Tori aka Farm Marm
    May 31, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    Thank you for your post! I have six children, living. Five waiting angels. My last three pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The Dr can’t give me any explanation as to why I lost them. The first ended with a D&C. I haven’t come to terms with that decision. I have literal nightmares about it. My last two were both at home. Boy and girl. Buried side by side under the tree in our front yard. I’m so grateful for the mom’s who have opened up and shared their stories for others. There is nothing shameful about miscarriage. We need to help each other through this dark chapter of motherhood. I have blogged about my losses at and Again, thank you. <3

    • Stephanie
      June 1, 2012 at 3:24 AM

      Oh that is awful, so sorry for your losses. Hope you are feeling better now, lots of love to you.

  • Bernard Dollarhide
    June 2, 2012 at 1:35 PM

    I must voice my love for your kindness in support of people who absolutely need guidance on this area of interest. Your personal dedication to passing the solution all-around turned out to be really functional and have regularly permitted most people just like me to realize their dreams. Your informative recommendations denotes a lot a person like me and even further to my mates. Thank you; from each one of us.

  • kirsty
    June 4, 2012 at 9:04 PM

    can you please watch my miscarriage video thankyou xxxx

  • Julie
    June 5, 2012 at 3:06 AM

    What an awesome post! I’ve have never experienced a miscarriage or known someone to miscarry naturally. Thank you for sharing the details. I’ve always had questions, but couldn’t ask.

    You are a brave and inspiring woman. You are right – it’s amazing what a woman’s body can do. I hope you are healing emotionally. I can’t image losing a baby at 12 weeks. God bless and thanks, again, for sharing your story.

  • Nora
    June 25, 2012 at 10:16 PM

    Thanks for sharing your experience of a natural miscarriage. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and sent home to go through the process naturally. It wasn’t a choice or my choice. No one I knew had experienced a natural miscarriage before. The two weeks left me in a lot of physical pain. The hospital syaff, when I rang them up, told me to take painkillers if the pain got worse. I don’t know if I should feel lucky that the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital advocates natural miscarriage.

  • Vikki
    July 9, 2012 at 4:35 AM

    Thank you so much for this post! I just went through a natural miscarriage not knowing what to expect. I pretty much had to figure things out on my own. After reading your story I know now I’m not crazy I was really having contractions and pain like you would with a live birth. For 4 1/2 hours I was in so much pain until my husband brought home meds. After the experience it truly blew my mind what had just happen but I know I was exhausted from it all not to mention I think I went through 6 things of bath water. Wish I would have found this sooner but thank you so much for your story and god bless you! So sorry for your loss<3

    • Stephanie
      July 10, 2012 at 12:51 AM

      So sorry for your loss too. I am glad this post could validate your experiences, I wish I had something like that with my first ones, I too felt like I was crazy at times, or that my body was crazy.

  • Brooke
    July 12, 2012 at 2:49 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I have been searching for something online to help me cope. I went in for an ultrasound on Tuesday, thinking everything was fine. And it was not. So now I am just waiting for nature to take its course. It is good to know we are not alone in this time of sorrow. Thank you Stephanie.

    • Stephanie
      July 12, 2012 at 9:09 PM

      So glad to hear it was helpful. Sorry to hear about your loss, lots of love to you.

  • Janelle
    July 15, 2012 at 9:34 PM

    Hello =) I have only just today come across your blog. I am so sorry to hear about your miscarry and I too can empathise. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarry, I didn’t know until I went for my 12 week scan. It was heart breaking. My body didn’t do anything until 4 weeks later and I laboured in the evenings only for 3 days. Like you said I was more comfortable on the toilet and b/c I was on my own, and hadn’t known what to do and what exactly would happen, I guess now looking back I did birth my unborn baby there on the toilet and it was flushed away. I never thought to bury it….
    I’m thankful to have gone on to have successful pregnancies. Thank you for sharing your story. I never really truly did except with my husband….

    • Stephanie
      July 15, 2012 at 10:05 PM

      Thanks so much for your comment. So happy to hear you went on to have healthy pregnancies after your loss. Lots of love to you.

  • Kelly R
    July 18, 2012 at 10:23 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing your story!

  • Louise
    July 26, 2012 at 1:43 PM

    Thank you for this post. I discovered a couple weeks back that my unexpected second pregnancy was not viable – we think I was about 8-10 weeks along but the fetus stopped developing at 6 weeks. My best friend shared your HHE post with me because I was fearful of having to have a D&C. My miscarriage has been progressing very slowly after the initial bit, so I started taking the Raspberry Leaf tea and it seems to be helping quite a bit. I appreciate you sharing this information, this process is hard enough without the fear of the D&C. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for mine, and for every woman’s. My Mom miscarried between myself and my sister and she has been so supportive, it’s wonderful of you to share your story so that other women without that support can know that they’re OK.

    • Stephanie
      July 26, 2012 at 5:56 PM

      How wonderful that you have a supportive mother to help you through this. So sorry for your loss and so glad the post was able to help you. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help in some way.

  • JessiBerry
    August 12, 2012 at 12:15 AM

    I have found your website just recently through pinterest and your wonderful crockpot meals (I am excited to try), and I want to say thank you for posting this. A miscarraige, I think, is something that needs to be talked about though it is hard to do. It’s been 4 years since I last miscarried (10 years since my first) and it was hard not to talk about it, either of them. A couple friends know only because they were the ones that forced me to go to the doctor (we were taking college classes together at the time). Sometimes I think my husband took it a little harder than I did. Reading this post kind of put our miscarraige in a little better light, understanding what happened when it happened. I am crying right now, but only because I can now say I know what I experienced then. Sad it took a real birth, reading your post, and four years to really understand.

    I am still waiting to share my story with the world. I just hope it doesn’t take another to push me that step to share…

    • Stephanie
      August 12, 2012 at 1:31 AM

      So glad my words and story could help you articulate your own feelings. Lots of love to you.

  • Audra
    August 13, 2012 at 3:43 AM

    I found your story through Pinterest and I’m so glad I did. My first pregnancy in 2011 failed at 11 weeks and the miscarriage started in the Emergency room but ended at home and my experience was much like yours but contractions and heavy bleeding only lasted about 8 hours. I’ve shared my experience with close friends and family who have had natural births (whether by choice or not) and I don’t think they truly believe me when I talk about how physically painful it was. They act like since I didn’t push out a watermelon sized baby that I couldn’t have possibly experienced the pain that I described. My second loss happened just over a month ago at 13 weeks 3 days and it was a partial molar pregnancy and of course a D&C had to be done (my stupid body continued to act pregnant even though the baby was dead at 8 weeks). I hate being put under and if I could have I would have chosen a natural miscarriage again even though it was pure hell.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and I am so sorry for what you had to go through.

    • Stephanie
      August 13, 2012 at 7:39 PM

      So sorry for your loss too. I know what you mean, when I first posted this, some people were very shocked and I bet it was hard for them to wrap their heads around my description of the pain, if they had never gone through it. Lots of love to you.

  • Jess Archer
    August 14, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    Thank you for this thoughtful and detailed description of your experience. This has just happened (is happening) to me. I am miscarrying naturally at almost 12 weeks (due to a blood clot shearing the placenta and aborting the baby). Your story mirrors mine almost exactly with the spotting, etc. This was my first so I had nothing to compare it to. I am very sad that I didn’t manage to catch my baby. So sad. I wish I had seen him and had the chance to say goodbye. I’m confused by it too. How could I miss it? Everything went into the toilet and it sinks far back where I cannot see it. I was in so much pain but I wish I had checked each time. I was told I was simply passing a hematoma and I guess that’s why I wasn’t checking –even though in my gut I knew it was ending. It started for me 4 days ago but just this morning I passed an enormous piece of tissue that I think was the placenta –intact. I am weak and tired. I appreciate your sentiments and the notion of supporting your body in this process. It’s hard not to give up on your body. After months of eating the best, avoiding alcohol, taking vitamins… –it seems pointless now. But my body has endured a lot and deserves my support. Your post reminded me of that. Thank you. I am so so sorry for your loss.

    • Stephanie
      August 15, 2012 at 1:24 AM

      So sorry for your loss. It is very hard to catch everything when you labor on the toilet. I was laboring in the bath tub or shower, and that made it easier for me not “loose” anything. God, I remember that weakness. No one knows how much energy it takes for your body to miscarry. Please take it easy for a couple of weeks, not just a couple of days. Even though your baby was dead, you still gave birth and recovery will not be like a snap of your fingers. Lots of love to you.

  • Cathy
    August 17, 2012 at 4:15 PM

    Thank u for sharing. I lost a baby at 6 months and they didn’t know why. They said birthing it would be dangerous since my first was a c-section. I was devastated and lost. My stomach was huge and people would pat it in the grocery store and say congratulations. It was almost unbearable. I had to wait two weeks and then sit 6 hours in an abortion clinic for my “appointment” to have the baby extracted. That, after two days at home with seaweed sticks in my cervix to pry it open. They crushed the baby’s head and then vacuumed out the contents of my uterus. It was thrown away. They said the tissue had been dead for almost 3 weeks and couldn’t be tested. My Obgyn opined that birthing it in a hospital surrounded by women birthing live babies would have hurt me too much emotionally. He was out of his fucking mind. I had no closure. My baby was thrown in the trash. It was six years ago and to this day I pray for forgiveness that I allowed the doctor to talk me into handling it that way. After 5 more miscarriages, another doctor found the problem. A genetic blood clotting disorder. My second live baby was born after I took Lovenox blood thinners during pregnancy. My cervix was so trashed – even though it was sewn shut (cerclage) I was on hospital bedrest for the last 4 months of pregnancy. That almost took my sanity. I developed severe PPD. I have a whole other fucked up story about how pathetic the medical community is in helping PPD mothers but thankfully was blessed to have found incredible support. To not talk about these things is to perpetuate the misery – the more we talk the better we can help others and the more we can do to educate and improve healthcare for mothers.

    • Stephanie
      August 17, 2012 at 6:56 PM

      Holy shit. That is awful. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope you know you are forgiven. When you know better, you do better. Beating yourself, doesn’t help, although I know that is easy to say. I am sending you as much love and light as I can.

  • Jenn
    August 17, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss in January. Miscarriage is just….unspeakable sometimes. I miscarried my first baby and thought I would absolutely succumb to the despair it left in my heart. I was fortunate to find a WONDERFUL group of ladies in an online support group for women who have suffered just like us. It has been 7 years now since I lost my first child and it the loss never goes away, but neither have the friendships that were formed for me when I found LAM (Life After Miscarriage). We have evolved from a full on website to a private group on Facebook for simplicity reasons, but I would like to invite you (and all other women who know the loss of a child) to check it out. We still celebrate EDDs for our angel babies, take joy in the birthdays and milestones of our kiddos with us now, and everyone there understands the need to be open and blunt about what we have experienced and the total DUMBASSES that we inevitably come up against in our families, public, etc. Anyhoo, just wanted to give you that invite after reading your touching, and totally relate-able story. (((hugs)))

    • Stephanie
      August 17, 2012 at 6:38 PM

      Thank you for your comment I will have to check out LAM.

  • Amy Akers
    August 20, 2012 at 10:54 PM

    I deeply from the bottom of my heart thank you for sharing your experience!!!! means the world. I experienced my first miscarriage when I was 7 weeks, my stomach just all the sudden hurt, and I could feel my stomach feel sick, but not normal sick and something was changing inside of me and I knew something was wrong. I sometimes still feel like okay I have to stop thinking of the baby that would have been and enjoy the two blessings I have now. It felt awful, and I felt like I kind of ignored crying after the first week because my blessing of a husband was struggling much more, and I felt compelled to help him through it. We always thought we would have a lot of children, now I am thinking maybe I just can’t think about it and I just need to leave it up to God, but even if I leave it up to God I don’t want to keep going through this again and again and again. I don’t know if I am like you and have the strength, my heart flip flops at times.
    Anyhoo, Stephanie you are a super amazing woman!
    Thank you.

    • Stephanie
      August 21, 2012 at 1:57 AM

      Thank you for reading. So sorry for your loss too, and that you had to comfort your husband so early. I only just now have been able to be comforting towards him and his grief. It was all about me for a long time, so props to you.

  • tara
    August 21, 2012 at 1:00 AM

    im really grateful to have found your blog. ive been dealing with a natural miscarriage for a month now and have felt a bit alone in the process. I didnt even know I had been pregnant until a week ago and had thought the miscarriage start was a period…until it just kept on coming. I just found out i was 14 weeks along. I kept telling my close friends last month that if i didnt know any better id think i was in labor etc. Its clear now that it is sometimes prolonged, and i am hoping the process is now complete for me because i would hope to avoid any procedures. thanks for sharing such an intimate experience in such detail!

    • Stephanie
      August 21, 2012 at 1:50 AM

      I am glad you found my story helpful. It’s no fun when it is prolonged, you just want it to over already. It’s very difficult to deal with physical pain on top of emotional pain. Lots of love to you and so sorry for your loss.

  • ashley
    September 25, 2012 at 8:05 PM

    I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story it has helped me. i just went through a miscarriage at 12 weeks. so i really had no idea what it would be like i just know that i wouldn’t wish this on any one. I just kinda wished that my ob/gyn would have told me exactly how this would feel. or at least how it may feel. so reading your blog has helped me in knowing that what i went through is so similar to yours that i know that what my body was doing was it taking its natural course.

    • Stephanie
      September 26, 2012 at 1:30 PM

      So sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. Exactly! I actually think they don’t even really know, because all they know is D&C. Just like over the years OB’s are loosing the skill set of delivering breach babies and twins being handed down from OB to OB because they usually decided to do a cesarean instead because it’s easier on them, they are also loosing the skill set of how to tell patients about what a miscarriage actually looks like and feels like because all they do is D&C’s.

  • Matushka Anna
    September 29, 2012 at 4:09 AM

    It’s been so long since I first read this. I came back to read it again. I’m so saddened by how many women miscarried and were treated abominably (or ignorantly) by their medical personnel. It’s a crime that women are not given the option of delivering their babies whether by induction or naturally rather than submitting to an oh-so-convenient (for the doctor, not you) surgery. *sigh* Stephanie, I’m glad you posted this because I see how many, many women are seeing it and are being helped by it. Thank you.

    • Stephanie
      September 29, 2012 at 1:16 PM

      I know, I am shocked about the amount of comments as well. This is the second most popular post on my blog.

  • LittleOwlCrunchyMomma
    October 1, 2012 at 8:36 PM

    This must have taken a lot to put down in writing. Thankyou so much for being vulnerable and for sharing this with us. I wish you love. <3

    • Stephanie
      October 1, 2012 at 10:06 PM

      Thank you. It was difficult to write, but very healing at the same time.

  • bmama
    October 6, 2012 at 1:30 AM

    thank you so much for sharing! i have gone through 3 at home miscarriages and 1 d&c. people always ask me how i could do the whole at home thing. i am always saying why not! our bodies know how to deal with these things, and unless it is medically necessary (i almost bled to death once) i would much rather be in a comfortable environment with my husband and let my body take care of things. being in the hospital and not having control over my environment was an emotional disaster. i would hate to go through it again. again, thank you for sharing. it’s so nice to know that their are others out there that understand!

    • Stephanie
      October 6, 2012 at 4:01 PM

      So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s important to let other women know that there are lots of women out there miscarrying at home.

  • Susie
    October 9, 2012 at 7:28 PM

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I’m so proud that you are so strong to do this. It is so helpful to so many others.

    Now I do wish you do not take this offensively. There are a couple of things wrong with my pregnancy and my doctor suggested an abortion. I was curious if your natural miscarriage methods could substitute for an abortion. The baby is still alive but there are many complications that may affect my life. I am not in any way interested in an abortion and this seemed like a low risk alternative. I was curious if it would work.

    • Stephanie
      October 11, 2012 at 4:16 AM

      So sorry to hear that. I do know there are natural methods for abortion, but I do not know about them. You will be in my prayers, that is a tough position to be in.

  • Vanessa
    October 19, 2012 at 1:46 AM

    Hello, I stumbled upon your blog in the black hole of the Internet. I am so sorry for your loss. You are an incredibly strong women and I will be praying for you and your family.

    On a completely different note, thank you for being so honest and “real” about this. I am currently single and often worry about getting pregnant since there is a history of miscarriages in my family. Thank you for not “sugar coating” it, it was so relieving, and oddly, reassuring to “hear it straight”. I really applaud you for this! I thought I had stumbled across just another “mommy blog” but you are insightful, honest, inspiring, and most of all, funny! You have gained another reader!

    • Stephanie
      October 19, 2012 at 2:27 AM

      What a great compliment! Thank you so much! Look forwarding to “seeing” you around the blog!

  • Sarah
    October 22, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Wow thank you for sharing your story and I’m sorry for your loss. I realize now how hard this was for you as I right this sitting from my hospital bed and just finished my own story. sharing my story is the only thing helping me cope

    • Stephanie
      October 22, 2012 at 1:28 PM

      So sorry for your loss too. But yes, writing and sharing our stories is deeply healing. Even if never published, and simply written in a journal, the effects can be profound.

  • Stephanie Lee
    October 28, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    Thanks for sharing your story. I had my 2nd miscarriage Thursday night, and decided to do it naturally, at home too. My first m/c I had a d&c and wanted to avoid that this time. It was one of the most scary, and painful times of my life. I don’t regret for a minute choosing to stay home. It helped me feel a type of closure to losing my baby, and I felt it was my motherly duty to take on the pain and accept why this happened. I had two healty pregnancies in earlier years, and I look at my daughters who are 8 and 5 and am more thankful than ever for them.

    • Stephanie
      October 28, 2012 at 3:28 PM

      Oh, so sorry for your recent loss. I am glad you feel good about choosing to miscarry at home. I felt the same way, like it was good closure for me as well. Lots of love to healing light coming your way.

  • Emily
    October 31, 2012 at 6:12 AM

    Sorry for your loss. 🙁 Thanks for sharing your story. I think you’re right- it’s not a topic that comes up much- as if it’s unacceptable or something. I’ve had two miscarriages- one at 8 weeks and one at 10.5 weeks a year apart. Someone who should’ve been close to me (not naming them on purpose) asked me what was wrong with me. It was exactly the wrong thing to ask.

    • Stephanie
      October 31, 2012 at 2:33 PM

      Oh Jesus, what an unthoughtful and hurtful thing to say. Lots of love to you.

  • Chris
    November 1, 2012 at 4:26 PM

    Hello ladies my name is Chris and I was in the same thing. but I found a web site about fertiliy aid. I looked it up and found out that a lot of people are saying great thing about it so I tried it. Ladys I am just about 7 weeks pregnant so I can say it works. I was on it for about one month and it worked it really worked. If you are trying for a baby stop all the meds that you are on and take the pills. I wish you all good luck and happy baby trying.

  • Chris
    November 1, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Sorry fertility aid for women and men it has a brown and kind of green background. it is also linked with fairheaven health.

  • Regina
    November 6, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Hey, I so sympathetic to your situation and sorry to read about it. But I am pleased that you allow us to read your story and share ours. I’m 34 and I have had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy about four years ago. I found out I was pregnant around the first of October and given my pregnancy history, I went to the ER to make sure there wasn’t a problem. The doctor told me that I had a viable pregnancy and So we started telling the family and friends, made an appointment with the same OB-GYN that delivered a total of 6 children of my 2 sisters. At that appointment this raggedy doctor said he couldn’t see a fetus or hear a heartbeat. So they did a quantitative blood test, because my pregnancy test was positive. The next day the office called and told me my numbers were too high to be 2 months. So this past Friday I went in and from there he sent me to the hospital for emergency surgery. Now when I got to the hospital I asked for another sonogram to make sure and they could see the baby and it was still alive, but it was in my right tube. So I had to have surgery to remove the tube and the baby. This being my third time it’s getting hard to think about. I really had my hopes up because the ER doctor had instilled that in me. I hate that some doctors don’t take their time to cover all the bases. If the ER doctor had done a little more work, I could have avoided surgery but by the time I went to my doctor I was too far along. This one really hurts my heart. But like you said everything happens for a reason, and it truly does suck. But I have faith that we will meet this same soul again and it will come at the perfect time. I do pray that you do as well.

    • Stephanie
      November 7, 2012 at 2:30 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. I am praying your pain lessens soon. Lots of love.

  • Megan
    November 10, 2012 at 5:35 PM

    Yesterday, after 12 hours of bleeding and cramping, an ultrasound confirmed we had lost our first baby. I’d had such a blessed 8 weeks, feeling great, on cloud 9 after 3 years of trying. We had an ultrasound on Halloween, a strong heartbeat. Just a few days later, the baby died. I googled and found your story. I’m so surprised by all the women I know who’ve miscarried though I know nothing of their stories. I thought miscarriage was an event but I’m seeing it is a process. My cramps and bleeding ramp up to intolerable and then subside, almost completely. I’m trying to let my body do this naturally, I’m just heartbroken. Now I understand how devastating it is to go through this.

    • Stephanie
      November 13, 2012 at 12:27 AM

      Yes, it absolutely is a process, usually a very long one. To fully complete mine it took almost two full months. Not fun and certainly not fair. So sorry for your loss, lots of love to you.

  • Ashley
    December 9, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    I really liked your story. I actually experienced a miscarriage my self just 2 days ago. My second one in a row. It was really heartbreaking for me, but both happened a home. The first time everything happened so fast I could barely keep up with what was going on and had a hard time grieving. However, this time I held my child and we connected and I had a chance to say my good byes and even though I still am crying for some time every morning I feel like we will be together again in the next life. And both children I lost are waiting for me and it makes me smile knowing that. I didnt have a D&C last time and dont think i will this time either. I just happened to run across your story and thought I would share. I shut down last time but this time is different. Coping with the past and present miscarriage that i have had has been alot eaiser by just taking those few moments alone in the bathroom with my baby. And I believe it will making conceiving and having another child alot easier this next time.

    • Stephanie
      December 10, 2012 at 1:58 AM

      Thank you so much for sharing and so sorry for your losses. Lots of love and prayers to you.

  • Kayla Yow
    December 13, 2012 at 5:28 AM

    I am so inspired by your story of your natural miscarriage. I just wish I had found it sooner. I had my natural miscarriage on 11/21/12, but in a way, I am still going through it three (3) weeks later, and your story really helped me. Thank you for posting it! {I also wrote about my natural miscarriage on my blog. I wish in a way I could have had mine at home, but I think it was good I went to the ER because I was bleeding way to much.}

    • Stephanie
      December 13, 2012 at 3:07 PM

      Yes, most people don’t realize how long the proccess can be. Which is extra crappy for the mom, because you just want it to all be over. Lots of love to you.

  • Elizabeth
    December 13, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    I know you wrote this over a year but from the bottom of my heart thank you for sharing this story. I had a miscarriage in October and it has been really hard on me. I am 21 years old and although it was not planned I was willing to be a mother. I miscarried at ten weeks and deicded to have a home miscarriage but I ended up having to have an d and c because of leftover tissue.

    • Stephanie
      December 13, 2012 at 3:06 PM

      Thank you for reading it, and helping me feel like the experience had a higher meaning. So sorry about your recent loss, my heart goes out to you. The pain gets easier with every passing day.

  • LeAnn
    December 14, 2012 at 12:19 AM

    Stephanie, thank you so much for being brave enough to put your story into words. I found out on Tuesday that I was starting a miscarriage. My husband and I are in a completely different state on a house hunting trip and staying in a hotel. Needless to say I was a little scared not knowing anyone. My husband and I chose to go with a natural miscarriage so we could have the closure and be able to say our goodbyes. All the doctors and nurses at the ER could tell me was that it would feel like a really bad period. We came back to the hotel and I started searching online for miscarriage resources (which is how I found your blog). Your details helped more than anything else I found.

    Yesterday I started having waves of cramps (this was my first pregnancy, but I’m presuming this is similar to labor pains). I ended up sitting in a tub for hours because that was only thing that made it all feel better (I would never have thought of that without your story). This morning the sac came out after another long bath. We couldn’t bare to just flush the baby so we went and bought a pot and some potting soil and buried the sac in the pot. We plan on planting some forget-me-nots in the pot when spring comes around.

    We would have been 8 weeks today. We’re devastated. This was our first pregnancy and something we’d been waiting for for a long time. We were going to finally tell everyone next week after our first appointment with the OB. Instead we’ve had to give the bad news to our families who are miles away.

    Thank you again for writing your post. Reading your story and all of the comments below it made me feel like I had a friend holding my hand through the whole process. Kind of knowing what was coming helped me through. You are a blessing!

    • Stephanie
      December 16, 2012 at 4:47 PM

      I am so sorry for your loss, but so glad you were able to have some comfort and closure through out the process. I love the idea of using a pot, since you were out of town. This would be a great option for women who are renting and wouldn’t want to plant something in the yard permantely. Lots of love and light to you.

  • Nancy
    December 27, 2012 at 12:51 AM

    Hi Stephanie, thank you for your frank and honest post about miscarriage. You are so right, that this is a part of our lives as women, a normal part, but one that is taboo for some strange reason. It is sad and hard, but it is a part of life. I certainly appreciate your opening the door to this discussion. I am sorry for your lost little ones. As you know, there are no perfect words, but shared sorrow can sometimes be comforting.

    I experienced a pregnancy loss two years ago, and I was saddened and disgusted by the way it was “medically managed.” I look back and still cry about my experience at the hospital and with my midwives who just followed policy regarding my situation rather than thinking about me as a person in grief. (Upon walking into the exam room for my two-day follow-up visit, the midwife exclaimed “Congratulations!” instead of taking a moment to look at my chart that was hanging on the door outside the room.) The whole awful experience was not completely terrible, as it propelled me into the world of home birth, and further into the land of natural living. I am now working as a doula, birth educator, and breastfeeding counselor, in part due to the experience I hope no other woman will have to experience. I have often looked back and wished that I had never called my midwives, or that I just stayed home instead of going to the hospital. I am so pleased that you are giving a platform to natural miscarriage. I had never heard the term before my loss, and if I had, things might have been different. Good for you, Stephanie. I thank you again for being so brave and confident. We need more women like you out there!

    • Stephanie
      December 28, 2012 at 11:49 PM

      Hi Nancy, thanks so much for your comment. So sorry to hear about your loss too, but what an amazing story of how it lead you to your life’s work. Keep up the good work!

  • K
    January 27, 2013 at 11:26 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss..thank you for writing this. When I had my missed miscarriage we were almost 12 weeks along, the baby was only 5 weeks and no heartbeat so I didn’t actually see the baby. We opted for the pills for an at home miscarriage since it was obvious my body was not naturally going to do it. I really know how you feel as you are going through it at home, you wish for the D&C (though I am glad I didn’t do that – just in the moment, in that emotionally and physical pain…).

    • Stephanie
      January 28, 2013 at 4:31 AM

      So sorry for your loss too. Yes, its very similar to the moment (or moments) in a live birth that is drug-free and the mom asks for an epidural (most moms ask at some point) but it’s just fear. But then you walk straight through it and you are ok.

  • Sharon
    January 27, 2013 at 11:32 PM

    Hugs to you all! I chose the D&C. I was 13 weeks along, and already in so much mental pain. My body was acting like it was still pregnant. No natural anything. I was told if I waited it out, it could be weeks before my body would finally kick in. Plus, I was told D&C would “clean me out” well, making my uterus fit to hold a healthy baby. And it did! Luckily, I was pregnant by my due date with the one I lost, and that helped me cope. But not a day goes by where I don’t think of that baby.

    • Stephanie
      January 28, 2013 at 4:29 AM

      Thanks Sharon. So sorry for your loss and so happy to hear that you are pregnant again. Blessings to you.

  • Tangie
    February 6, 2013 at 10:43 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. It hurts me to read what you wrote but it is helpful to me at the same time because I am in the process of having a miscarriage right now. I wanted a baby so badly and got pregnant. I went to the doctor several times and there was no baby. No heartbeat, no baby. A blighted ovum. Yay. My baby was not a baby at all but just an empty sac and my body lied to me. I am sitting here in quite a bit of pain, the contractions are about 4 minutes apart and my water broke about 15 minutes ago. It’s coming and it hurts. But it was my choice not to have the D&C and to do it at home and I knew it was going to hurt. Had no idea it would be this bad or sharp or stabby but I am pretty sure I won’t die from it. If I were to start hemorrhaging I will go straight to the ER but if I don’t have to, I am not going to. I have almost no trust in doctors. They are educated guessers and all a hospital is is a business designed to funnel people in and make as much money as they can. There may be the rare person inside that actually gives a fuck but the most are just there getting rich and don’t care. Heartless money-grabbers. So… doing this at home.
    SO glad I found this!! I knew there had to be information online about this and people who care.
    Now I am off to take a shower I think. I smell food but have no interest in it right now. Ow.
    Peace be with you all.

    • Stephanie
      February 7, 2013 at 4:36 AM

      So sorry to hear that Tangie. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Heidi
    February 19, 2013 at 3:32 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. While I’ve never been pregnant, so many of my friends and even members of my family have had several miscarriages. Just today I was wondering how to comfort a friend who lost her two week old son two years ago. Reading your story and the comments has helped me process their losses, and even the pain myself and my husband went through when his sister had three successive miscarriages. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being real.

    • Stephanie
      February 19, 2013 at 3:39 AM

      Thank you for reading. Your friends are lucky to have such a wonderful friend in you!

  • Cristy
    February 19, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    Thank you for sharing this. Some people think that having a m/c is like taking a shit, or so frequent and common that it can be tolerated- like popping a pimple. Or that replacing the baby by “trying again” will make things better. I don’t care what people think I just don’t want to hear them. I enjoy hearing what it really is- what you have described for us. Yes, it is painful, raw and a baby actually really does come out, your baby, not “it” not “tissue”, not “medical waste” that should be incinerated like trash. I wish I had had the guts and nerves to have kept the remains of my baby and buried her somewhere. You are brave. If this happens to me again, I am doing it my way.

    • Stephanie
      February 19, 2013 at 2:11 PM


  • Susan
    March 10, 2013 at 4:16 AM

    Sorry to hear you went through a miscarriage. I am thankful to come across your post. I am actually going through a miscarriage right now. This was my second pregnancy and my husband and I was excited. When it was confirmed I miscarried I would of been only 8 1/2 weeks along. We found out the baby was dead probably a week to a week and a half. I opted to go home and have a natural miscarriage without meds for now and did not want the surgery since I hate hospitals. We don’t have family that lives close by since they all live in other states so my husband has been working from home so he can be here when the time came to take care of our 13 month old son while I was miscarring. We already did our grieving and I told myself I need to be strong for my son since I am a stay at home mom and he won’t understand what is going on yet. I already am starting the process but have not yet had the contractions yet. Your blog post has helped me understand what more to expect. I go back to the dr on Monday and if I have not passed the baby they are most likely going to put me on meds to speed up the process. I’m crossing my fingers I don’t need to since the dr said the meds have some bad side affects. Thanks for posting your story of what you went through

    • Stephanie
      March 10, 2013 at 8:00 PM

      So sorry for your loss Susan. And sometimes it’s ok to cry in front of our little ones. Let’s them know it’s ok to be sad and cry and hopefully will keep them from stuffing their emotions down.

  • Patti
    March 19, 2013 at 2:53 AM

    I was looking for a recipe & stumbled across a reference to this post on your blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. Not to mention completely shocked by how involved a first-trimester miscarriage can be. I had one (a “missed miscarriage”) almost exactly six years ago & have been thinking about it a lot the past month. At 10 weeks, all of the typical first-trimester symptoms I’d been experiencing stopped at the same time (on my birthday, unfortunately). As the day progressed, I tried to tell myself it was because I was nearing the end of my first trimester. When I called my doctor’s office, a nurse concluded the same thing & said I would see red blood if there was a problem, but that if it would make me feel better, I could come in & they would check it out. I didn’t go in that day (trying to convince myself I was worrying for nothing), but at the same time, I knew. My gut was telling me something was gravely wrong.

    A week later, after running, I saw a lot of something (still not sure what) in my underwear as I undressed. It was thick & pasty & there was quite a bit of it. It was brown like old blood, not red like the kind of blood the nurse warned me about. I called them again & made an appt. The nurse practitioner couldn’t find a heartbeat so she sent me down the hall for an ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the tech was quiet (much like the NP had been) & then told me that my child had died & never really developed. She then mentioned something about it not really being a baby. She said this in what she appeared to think was a nice, consoling way. I was stunned. Had she really just said that? What was my baby then if not a baby? An alien? Perhaps he or she was just a “product of conception” as I see others here posting about – a term I haven’t heard before, but that I find equally disgusting & disrespectful to the life I was carrying inside me, if only for a few weeks.

    I was offered the option of a D&C or waiting to see if my body absorbed my baby’s remains. It may sound stupid, but my coworker’s dog had just died the month before after having a missed miscarriage of her own, which led to a massive infection. The thought of infection scared me so I chose the D&C. This Saturday marks 6 years from the day I had the procedure. I’m incredibly fortunate that the hospital where I ended up having it done saved my baby’s remains & gave me a booklet that not only talked about loss & support groups, but the specific area of a cemetery on the east side of town where I could visit my child’s remains. My husband & I have only visited once, but as I mentioned, I’ve been thinking about the miscarriage a lot lately (especially on my birthday last week) & that I should go back there again to visit.

    I am blessed to now have a sweet, rambunctious two-and-a-half-year-old son & an equally wonderful eight-month-old daughter. However, they do not replace Peanut as I had nicknamed our first child. (A name I’ve never allowed anyone who knew of the miscarriage to call my son or daughter.) I pray that I live my life in such a way that will allow me to meet him or her in Heaven someday. I also pray that this blog post continues to touch women as it has done with me. Thank you for your candor & bravery.

    • Stephanie
      March 20, 2013 at 5:10 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. Lots of love and light to you.

  • jazmine
    March 23, 2013 at 6:27 PM

    I found out i was pregnant 3/09/13 on tye 12 i went to the doc and nothing on u/s not even a sac nothing my last period was 02/01/13 i went back on the 3/12 for another blood test i got the results 3/14 dey called me told me to go asap to a E.R bcus i might have a ectopic pregnancy my hcg levels were 3/09 they were 588 n the 3/12 dey were 938 they told me they were rising slowly i went to e.r for dem to diagnose me with a complete miscarriage they also found nothing on u/s that was on 3/14 i began spotting on the 3/10 the night i went to e r i began bleeding a little more more like a regular period and cramping alot with lower back pain i followed up a few d ays later with midwife dey did another blood test i got the resulta the same day from both e.r n widwife they had dropped e.r were 406 n midwife were 326 they told me i miscarried but i never passed any clots nothing jus continued bleeding and cramping. Last night i was cramping alot last night i passed some type of grey tissue i dont know what it is and this morning i passed a big clot im confused how cone they didnt see this in the sono?? Im sorry am talking about my experience but its my 1st mc & idkwhats going on is this normal i dont want tongo bak to the e.r but scared of a infection after i passed those things the cramping stopped can anyone help

    • Stephanie
      March 24, 2013 at 4:11 PM

      So sorry for your loss and stressful experience. If the bleeding and cramping has stopped and you don’t have a high fever or foul smelling discharge, you do not have an infection and the worst is over and you should be fine, physically that is.

  • suzanne
    March 26, 2013 at 3:29 AM

    I discovered I had lost the first twin at 6 weeks, the second stopped growing at 7w4d, my betaHCG’s were low, I had light spotting, and there was an embryo with a weak heartbeat, but the dr. thought it looked… odd. A week later no heartbeat. I immediately stopped progesterone, and had a horrible day the next day (not a good idea, nobody told me!) I was horribly nauseous, shaking with chills and super weepy. I was sad, but the hormone drop really intensified the sadness. I stayed home from work, and went back on progesterone, I tapered off ending on a friday so I could have my progesterone withdrawal at home, on the weekend. ***TMI to follow*** my Beta’s were so high they said I would have to wait 3 weeks to miscarry, I decided to do all of the things I had been avoiding… esp caffeine and orgasms. Every 4 hours or so I’d have an orgasm. I got sick of it, actually, but each one caused a little cramping. By sunday I was spotting, monday evening, cramping a lot (those cervical cramps, like weak labor pains, not like menstrual cramps for me) I passed the first twin within 2 hours. I bled a LOT, like soaking a VW beatle sized pad in 40 minutes. I had my sister there to make sure I didn’t pass out. After 3 more hours of lots of blood and clots, things slowed down and I sent my sister home. I decided to get my trusty hitachi magic want out and see if I could make things speed up (it was 2 am). Moments after the orgasm I had another round of strong cramps and felt the second chorionic sac, and moments later bleeding and pain stopped, and it was just spotting. I really think that orgasms helped me not only miscarry naturally and avoid a D&C, but when the miscarriage was stalling out and I was bleeding a lot, I think it helped it to finish successfully. I figure why take misoprostol to make my uterus contract when I have a much more pleasant and controllable method around. Incidentally, I actually tried this to deal with the cramps, I didn’t take anything, and they were pretty painful and I needed to grade papers, so I had heard of women using orgasm to help with early labor pain. Turns out it was helpful with pain and progress.

    • Stephanie
      March 26, 2013 at 3:24 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing. I have not experienced that, but I have heard that as well and for some women it does really help whether natural miscarriage labor for full term, live baby labor.

  • Pahi
    March 26, 2013 at 4:20 AM

    Hi i have opted for natural miscarriage… i am in tension …

    • Stephanie
      March 26, 2013 at 3:21 PM

      Let me know if I can help in any way.

  • Audrey
    March 27, 2013 at 8:30 PM

    Stephanie, I found your website ages ago and read this post, along with many others. It affected me greatly at the time, but I had no idea how much I would need this information in the future. I was about 11 weeks pregnant when my husband and I had our first baby appointment. I hadn’t really had many pregnancy symptoms, but I didn’t when I was pregnant with my now 2yo son either. I was uneasy, but certainly didn’t expect what followed. The midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat, and sure enough, when we did an ultrasound, the baby appeared to have stopped developing around 6 weeks gestation.

    Since my body wasn’t miscarrying on its own, I had the choice of a D/C (which was estimated to cost more than what we paid the hospital to give birth to our son) or oral doses of cytotec (which was much less invasive, and ended up costing $8 total). I chose the drug. After 2 torturous days of slight bleeding and waiting, I miscarried. I don’t know that anything would have prepared me for the surreal moment of that experience, but your description helped me know what to expect.

    It’s better now that it’s physically done–the days between finding out and the event were the worst. Now I’m just dealing with the range of hormone-fueled emotions–feeling ok, especially when I’m busy, to torrents of tears sneaking up on me. And there’s the feeling of being betrayed by my own body (seriously?! the pregnancy had been over for 5 weeks, and you didn’t tell me?!) aside from the plain bullshit of the situation and loss of a child.

    Thank you for your story. Reading it and the comments section has been so helpful. Big hugs to us all.

    • Stephanie
      March 28, 2013 at 1:19 AM

      Hi Audrey. So sorry to hear about your loss. I know exactly what you mean, once the bleeding stopped I felt much better. And I totally felt betrayed by my body as well. Lots of love to you.

  • Nelly
    March 28, 2013 at 1:28 AM

    Thank you for sharing your story in such honest detail. I am so sorry that you had a missed miscarriage. I am actually waiting to have my first missed miscarriage and your story has helped prepare me for what’s about to take place. I was 13 weeks along when notified last week that my baby’s heartbeat stopped and that he or she was measuring 12 weeks and 5 days. Today marks 14 weeks. Please pray that I will not have to wait that much longer.

    • Stephanie
      March 28, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      All miscarriages are hard, but end of first trimester ones are really hard physically. Lots of love to you. Please email me if you need anything.

  • Lorraine
    April 1, 2013 at 3:14 AM

    I found out in Thursday that my baby had no heartbeat at 12 weeks. My ObGyn started talking to me about D&C and natural miscarriage and what to expect. All I wanted was to run home to my husband who I had to break the news too. My first pregnancy gone wrong what did I do was all that went through my head. I stopped smoking drinking alcohol drinking caffeine where did I go wrong? Over this Easter weekend I had to break the news to my family that I had shared the joyous news that we were pregnant. Today is Sunday and I have miscarried. I am relieved but sad. Withing an hour of heavy bleeding and contraction Mother Nature released my baby. I couldn’t look could not have that image engraved in my head. Forever in my heart my little angel. All the attendees at the hospital were so sympathetic and caring but most of all my Husband was my rock. At times I still feel sad and need time to heal mentally. We will overcome this and try again. Thank ou for sharing your story I found it soothing. Take Carr and God bless XO

    • Stephanie
      April 1, 2013 at 1:03 PM

      So sorry for your loss Lorraine. Many blessings to you.

      • lorraine
        April 1, 2013 at 5:59 PM

        Thank you

  • Anne
    April 9, 2013 at 8:07 PM

    Im having a miscarriage. I am 13 weeks when I started bleeding and the next day I had a scan to confirm that there was no heartbeat. This is the worse thing that has ever happen to me and I have been through a lot. I was having a natural miscarriage then changed my mind however my body decided that I had no choice and I was having a natural one. The pain and blood was awful, I have never been pregnant but I can only imagine it was like labour pains, as the pain came ever couple of minutes. I went to hospital and they gave me morphine and other drugs but it didn’t help at all. It only settled down after I delivered the sac with our little baby in. If I had known how bad it was going to be I would have opted for a D and C straight away. Everything happened so quickly the Thursday started bleeding, scan Friday, I was booked in for D and C on Tuesday but delivered baby on Sunday. So now waiting for the little bit that’s left to come out now. I just want it to be over and done with, it still hurts. I know it will take time to heal but life is so unfair. I also seem to be that 1 in 4 that gets the bad luck; the reason I say that is because I have also had cancer. All I can say is I have an amazing husband who has been fantastic and we will get through this together. I feel for all ladies and their partners who are going through this or have been. My heart goes out to you all and the babies we have lost.

    • Stephanie
      April 10, 2013 at 12:53 AM

      So sorry to hear about your recent loss Anne. You will feel a little bit better once it is all over and you have stopped bleeding, but it will take some time to heal. Lots of love and light to you.

  • Lee Ann Kaplan
    April 25, 2013 at 2:12 AM

    :'( mine was kinda the same except that i was 20 weeks pregnant with a 14 week fetus, a possible pin point sized blood clot from the placenta attaching traveled to the brain? 🙁 i was in shock and when they said natural miscarriage i didnt know to expect a BABY. (well duh obviously I WAS pregnant but my brain just didnt process that.) drs just told me to go home after saying theres no heartbeat. tech was pointing out everything on the screen, then my husband asked the tech wheres the heartbeat and the the silence was deafening. i didnt really know i was going to go into full on labor, OMG the pain was excruciating, i just rocked and moaned a lot while my hubby held me. my little ava was beautiful. i still cry. i wouldnt wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy. my second miscarriage was a little different and i had to have a d&c because placenta got stuck in my tilted uterus and was poisoning me. literally killing me from the inside out. that was a horrible experience as well. woke up two times during the procedure. the dr cussed quite colorfully when he realized i was bawling and awake…. I do have my miracle baby though. hes 4 years old now. he was in between these miscarriages. i’m not sure if id be ready for another baby. not even sure how to emotionally heal from these two miscarriages.

    • Stephanie
      April 25, 2013 at 2:50 PM

      So sorry to hear about your two miscarriages. How brave you are. Have you ever looked into mayan massage? I have a post about uterus displacement on the blog. Take a look, it would be helpful to get your uterus back in place if you want to try to conceive again and it would just be helpful for overall health AND it would help release any pent up emotional trauma stored in your uterus from the miscarriage. Lots of love to you.

  • Lindsay
    May 4, 2013 at 3:39 AM

    Reading this post I feel like my heart is reaching out to you to give you a giant hug. I am so sorry any woman has to experience anything so traumatizing. It sounds like you handled it very bravely, and I hope you are well along your healing path. BIG HUGS to you and to all the other women who have been in this boat. xoxo

    • Stephanie
      May 4, 2013 at 6:56 PM

      Thanks so much Lindsay.

  • Tiina
    May 22, 2013 at 8:58 AM

    Hi. Thank you for sharing your story. I am also going through the loss , however my body is not opening up at all unfortunately. 1,5 weeks at the moment from when i found out, and still im all in one piece and no pain or bleeding of any kind. I have a doctors appointment next week, and honestly, if nothing starts happening on its own, i will choose to have it cleaned surgically as i cant bear the feeling of having him inside me like that 🙁 but you are very brave for doing it at home like that! thank you again for sharing..

    • Stephanie
      May 22, 2013 at 2:11 PM

      So sorry to hear about your loss Tiina. I will be praying that your body opens up and that whatever path you take is the highest good for you. Lots of love coming your way.

  • Blighted Ovum
    May 28, 2013 at 1:14 AM

    I found out i was pregnant the second week in April. I was scared because of everything going on in my life I didn’t think I was ready so I only told three people. Then the second weekend of this month I told my sister and she was so excited for me. A week ago I had my first ultrasound. The gestational sac was dated at seven weeks four days. The ultrasound tech was really quiet through the whole thing until I asked what he saw. Then came the shit answer… “There is nothing in the gestational sac and with how far along you are we should see something. I’m sorry. I was devastated. I have two healthy children and my two pregnancies with them were healthy and happy. I was naive about miscarriages. My doctor called and said I’m sorry has anything like this happened to you before. I wanted to scream at her she didn’t discuss any options with me just said if your miscarriage starts over the holiday weekend go to the hospital. Well I think I started my miscarriage this weekend and your comment was right. Mine felt like a weird period I was afraid that it would be like labor. I’m still getting cramps on and off. I’m glad that I didn’t go to the ER, I would have been a wreck. I know that the natural way isn’t for everyone but I am very glad that I didn’t go to the ER to be poked and prodded at. I knew that miscarriages happened but didn’t know all of the reasons for why they happened. I didn’t know a pregnancy could continue without a baby in the sac.

    • Stephanie
      May 28, 2013 at 2:09 AM

      So sorry for your loss. Lots of love and light to you during this difficult time.

  • Ashley
    May 30, 2013 at 6:02 PM

    Hello all,
    Thank you all for sharing. I, too, recently experienced my first miscarriage. I have a one year old, will be two in July. I discovered we were pregnant with #2 on April 1st. Didn’t want to tell anyone because we figured it was April fools day, who will believe us. We decided to wait until 3 months, when the chances of miscarry ing decrease. On April 24, 2013, I heard the baby’s healthy heartbeat, beating at 166bpm. I wanted to cry of joy! But didn’t because I was alone. Husband was supposed to come but just started a new job so, we decided its best if he doesn’t miss a day so early. After the heartbeat confirmation, husband I couldn’t keep the news in, we immediately told all our family and friends we were pregnant again! I even went to work the next day telling my coworkers and boss… On May 10, 2013, 10 weeks, 2 days I started lightly bleeding with no cramps. Called my husband who was at work hysterically crying. He reassured me that it was normal, his cousin reassured me she experienced the same when she was pregnant with her baby boy. However, I knew something wasn’t right, and just felt that I had to go to ER. So, I dragged my mom with me. Through the waiting, I kept telling my mom, “why is it taking so long?! I just want to hear the baby is fine, heartbeat is fine and just go home!”… My mom had to leave, right when she left, the doc came to do my belly ultrasound. He was so silent, and I heard nothing on the sonogram, I already knew the worst but through sobs asked him is everything fine, he assured me that he hears no heartbeat but that his machine might be too weak to pick up a heartbeat. He then left the room to go find a vaginal ultrasound. That’s when I called my husband hysterically crying and told him, they can’t find a heartbeat. I just knew the doc wasn’t mistaken and it was true. Husband came immediately then… After a couple of more sonograms done on my belly and vaginally, I was diagnosed with a missed abortion. Which is the same as a missed miscarriage, I still can’t explain why they harshly used the term missed abortion when an abortion is choosing to end the fetuses life, I would never choose to end my baby’s life! So I use missed miscarriage… Anyway, they gave me an option to have a natural miscarriage, pill or the d&c. I didnt hesitate to choose the natural route despite the docs pushing me to either take the pill or d&c.. so, I went home, Saturday, May 11, 5am, devastated, crying, with a big headache just waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally. Husband and I slept in and when I awoke, had hope that maybe the doc misdiagnosed me. Started researching if it was a possibility to be misdiagnosed and yes it is! So, I had some hope. Sunday came, and it was Mother’s Day, I didn’t want to go out, I was just anxious to get another opinion, schedule another sonogram and be told I was misdiagnosed. But my husband cheered me up, made me forget only for a moment what is happening and we went out, enjoying Mother’s Day… Monday morning, I woke for work with very light cramping. I could have sworn it was because I had not pooped in 2 days. So, I went to work, prepared to tell my boss what we might be in for. I called my Obgyn and scheduled a second opinion and a second ultrasound. Then, went to tell my boss. As I was telling her, the cramps became so much worse. She sent me with my coworker to the nurse so I can be excused to go home, when a gush of heavy blood and clots came down. I then lost all hope. I was rushed to the nearest hospital because I was heavily bleeding. Husband and I stayed in the hospital from 11am to 7pm the day after Mother’s Day. They cleaned me up, scrapped everything out, took my baby in a jar, even though my husband told the docs not to show or tell me that was the baby, I knew it was… I was given the pills to contract my uterus and was then sent home, excused from work for 3 days…

    Today, May 30, 2013, 2 weeks since I miscarried, I am feeling mixed emotions. I haven’t cried since I miscarried but yesterday, I did and today as well. Some days I feel sad, some happy, some days I feel angry and numb. But no matter what anyone tells me that it’s beyond our control, and the statistics and the chromosome abnormalities, I can’t seem to shake the feeling of guilty. Maybe if I’d done something different, maybe the baby would still be forming healthy in my womb. I try to get over it and always question when am I going to ever be over it?! When am I going to stop crying when I see a pregnant women thinking to myself, that should have been me! I never thought a miscarriage would ever happen to me. Yes, I’ve heard of people around me have it happen to them, but me? I always question why. I’m still trying to come to terms that it is something beyond our control as everyone tells me… It is very difficult suffering from miscarriage, pregnancy loss and still birth, both physically and emotionally no matter how far or early along you are. I pray the best for both mothers and fathers who are going through these similar situations!

    • Stephanie
      June 1, 2013 at 5:44 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. Lots of love and light to you.

  • jen i
    June 5, 2013 at 2:42 AM

    I sit here today weeping reading your story. Thanks so much for sharing. I am 13 weeks and my baby died 10 days ago ( I found out at my 3 month ultrasound, saw him, not swimming, just floating)and I have been waiting every day to naturally miscarry, but my body just stays pregnant, with all the same symptoms I have had for 3 months. It is a real mind f*ck. The only way I know my baby is dead is because the dr said so. Is he sure? No other symptoms. I wish he would come out here, at home, so I can see him and know he was real. Tomorrow I am throwing in the towel and having him taken out at the hospital. I have not figured out what this lesson is supposed to be. I think to know what true heartache feels like. I had 2 perfect pregnancies, 2 perfect unmedicated births and 2 perfect babies. This was a punch in the stomach, and is every morning. I actually look pregnant. And have had 4 people in the last few days touch my stomach and say something nice about my pregnancy, unknowingly ripping my heart out. My little lemon has 20 hours to come naturally. please……

    • Stephanie
      June 5, 2013 at 6:18 PM

      Oh sweet Jesus, so sorry you are going through this right now. Please email me if I can help at all. Blessings to you and your family.

  • tr
    June 8, 2013 at 12:46 AM

    THANK YOU for sharing your experience. i am going through my mc since tuesday and you have reinforced my courage to continue trusting my body to handle this.
    i feel like i have been teaching my doctor about natural pregnancy, and it’s been a silly, fun filled journey with him…until now… when i need guidance in natural mc… it’s not fun and silly anymore.
    while he is in awe of me, i am in awe of the fact that he seems to be trained to fear all things natural (hence his big paycheck, right?)
    .’the business of being born’.
    all this, you know already i am sure.
    again. thank you!
    ~missing my baby.

    • Stephanie
      June 10, 2013 at 12:56 AM

      So sorry for your loss. Keeping shining your light bright for your doctor and for the world.

    • EV22
      June 15, 2013 at 8:05 PM

      So sorry, tr. I am thinking positive, loving thoughts for you. You are not alone. Your body knows exactly what to do if you give it time. – EV

  • EV22
    June 15, 2013 at 8:00 PM

    Thank you for sharing this… I came across your blog when looking for recipes and then stumbled across this. I too had a miscarriage and I agree that we women need to talk about it so that we all know that it is normal and not our faults. I don’t have a blog, so if it’s okay, I’m going to write a little about my experience here to share… It was terrifying because it was/would have been our first and we were very ready for it. I too thought that I was in the clear at almost 12 weeks, but apparently the baby had died weeks before – I just had not known (consciously at least…something did feel not quite right). We went to the ER because we didn’t know what else to do in the middle of the night as things got painful. No one told me that I was miscarrying even when I asked for clarification. It was packed on a Saturday night… I waited for a couple of hours for a doctor to see me, and even then no one told me what was going on until I started sobbing and my husband got the nurse and demanded explanation. Overall I was there about 9 hours, all natural, except the OBGYN morning staff gave me a couple of pills so that the bleeding time would be cut in half. I was so exhausted and sad that I just took it. The OBGYN was wonderful and kept saying over and over “it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault” while looking me in the eye. I really appreciate that even now. I’ve had another one since, but much less traumatic…I was pregnant and then I got my period. I have had an ultrasound technician and another tech ask me “oh, were you exercising too much?” or “did you lift something heavy?” when they see my medical records. There is so much myth and blame surrounding miscarriage. If this happens to you, remember that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. We are TTC again and hoping for the best. Blessings to everyone who has had this experience. May we all have the children we dream of!

    • Stephanie
      June 16, 2013 at 12:20 AM

      I agree, there are so many other factors going on than just lifestyle and general health. I believe there is a Divine timing and that you are not in control at all. Lots of love to you as you continue your journey.

  • Emily
    June 21, 2013 at 1:28 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this, i am recovering from an ectopic pregnancy(ended June 7th). I have a little different story than other people have spoken about that i thought i should mention. I found out i was pregnant on May 20th, and was told by my obgyn that i wouldnt have to have an exam until 8weeks. Well on on May 30th i started bleeding lightly and on recommendations from my mom i went to the ER where they did several ultrasounds and told me that i had an missing abortion because they couldnt see the baby at all, and that i would continue to have a heavy period like bleeding the next few days (which i did) but to also follow up with my OB later that week.
    When i saw my OB she did more ultrasounds and then came back to go over the results. She asked me if i was in any pain at all. I told her no, and she said well you should be, cause your abdominal is full of blood/fluid and we need to do an emergency surgery because your baby isnt in your uterus.
    In about 2 hrs i was coming out of surgery and i just felt so empty inside. i was so grateful i was alright, i just wish there would have been a different way to save me. I know it wasnt the babys fault or my fault, ectopic pregnancies just happen. Anyways, when they did my surgery, they found a tremendous amount of scar tissue, from an abdominal surgery i had as a child, surrounding my reproductive organs that prevented my nerves from registering that they should have been in pain when my baby started expanding. I want other women who may have had surgeries when they were younger to be aware that this could happen with them as well.
    I feel for all the women whose stories ive read in this comment section, and i cant imagine how yall felt, losing a child after carrying longer than i did, but to paraphrase a comment someone made to me “its not like you really got used to being pregnant or anything” even if i lost the baby 1 day after i knew, i would still remember how it felt knowing they were with me, even if it was such a short time. Thank you again for opening this conversation, no one talks about this and as women, we really should share all these experiences.

    • Stephanie
      June 21, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. Have you heard of Mayan Massage? I highly recommend you find a practioner in your area, it will help break down the scar tissue.

      • Emily
        June 23, 2013 at 12:32 AM

        I havent heard of that, i will try it out! thank you!

  • christina
    June 25, 2013 at 8:47 AM

    Hi stephanie I’m glad that you shared this story. Makes me feel so much better to know that I’m not alone. I’m 21 years old and I experienced my first miscarriage at 15 weeks. But my story is different ididnt know I was pregnant during that whole time I didn’t get any symptoms and I would get regular period. June 20,2013 at 4am I felt really bad cramps I tryed to sleep it through the night but they would get stronger and stronger. I had to start getting ready for work. I started getting ready and the pain kept getting worse I called in to work and just went to get a check up. The doctor asked for a pee sample to check for HIV AIDS pregnancy etc. Ten minutes later she came in and gave me the news that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I had to go to a emergency ultrasound to se if everything was fint turned out it was to late to save the baby I was already having a miscarriage. In less than a hour it went to from your pregnant, to your going into labor, and your baby is dead. I seriously didn’t know I was pregnant with having monthly periods how should I know not even symptoms. Now I’m just stuck I feel like I failed as a women I blame myself a lot I ask myself so many questions. I got to see my little boy I held him so tight I couldn’t let him go I just wanted him there I wanted to take him home with me I didn’t care if he wasn’t breathing. I didn’t want to go home empty handed just looking at him made me feel terrible made me feel like I failed in life I didn’t deserve to be alive. Looking at his little face his toes his hands just made it harder for me to let him go. I decided to cremate him so ican have him close to me . This whole experience just killed me. I can’t sleep with out the blanket that he had I cry myself to sleep its the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my whole life. But I’m glad I have my family and friends supporting me. I’ve learn to accept it but I don’t understand it. God has his reasons and step by step I’m trying to help myself get better, but I know that it takes time to forget this whole nightmare. Even though I don’t have my baby with me and I didn’t even get to hear his heart beat. It still hurts but I love my baby boy and I know that one day ill get to see him. My little angel is watching over me.

    • Stephanie
      June 25, 2013 at 3:00 PM

      Oh sweet Christina, I am so sorry for your loss. You are absolutley right, it does kill you. But it is pyschological death and there is always a rebirth after a death. You will come back from this, you will be whole again. You will always miss your sweet boy but you will heal. So much love and light coming your way.

  • Marta Medina
    July 4, 2013 at 11:20 PM

    I just want to thank you for posting such an inspiring story. I had a natural miscarriage at home and your story inspired me. I didn’t freak out and was able to let go. My husband and I buried our baby next t a plant. It brings me comfort to know I’m not alone. I was between five and six weeks along when I lost our child. Thank you and God bless you

    • Stephanie
      July 6, 2013 at 3:19 AM

      Aw, thank you and blessings to you as well. So sorry to hear about your loss, but glad to hear you were able to stay connected to your power and your bodies wisdom.

  • Kerry
    July 6, 2013 at 2:37 AM

    Your story resonated with me for so many reasons. The honesty, the pain, the love. Two days ago I miscarried my beautiful son, Cameron, naturally. I have written the story of his birth here:

    We need to stop feeling like we have to suffer alone. We need to share our stories so that others can share theirs too. Thank you for sharing your story xxxxx

    • Stephanie
      July 6, 2013 at 3:19 AM

      Amen. We need to keep telling our stories. So sorry for the loss of your son, Cameron. What a beautiful name.

  • Sam
    July 13, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    Hi Stephanie!!

    All I can say is THANK YOU! 2 weeks ago I had a miscarriage and just minutes before passing my baby, I was in the middle of intense contractions and needed some guidance. I was 10 weeks along, and all alone in a hotel room, out of town for work. Your blog was the only thing that guided me through this (as you and I both would say) “fucked up bullshit”. It was nearly an identical experience physically what you wrote about and what I experienced. I only got through the beginning of your blog, but it was exactly what I needed to read. I started to tell my body “to open up”, just like you said and minutes later it all happened. I told my husband and some friends about your blog and how it was an act of God that I found it when I did. I just had to tell share that YOU helped me through this, and it sucks so bad even now, but your courage to share this publicly on a blog, is the only thing that got me through it. So thank you and may God bless you and your family!


    • Stephanie
      July 15, 2013 at 2:29 PM

      Wow. I just got chills. And when I get chills it’s confirmation that God and angels are involved! I am so glad the post was helpful to you. And I am so sorry for your losses. Lots of love and light to you.

  • Debbie
    July 23, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Hi Stephanie,
    Am so sorry for your loss & what you had to go through. My brother & his darling wife have just gone through a tough time. They lost their baby y’day at 14.5 wks. The baby had died 3 weeks previous. They were on their way home from making an appointment for D & C and it happened in the car. Luckily they were near home. I live 3 hours away. Im feeling so sad for them & also worried about how they are. What can i do to help? Stupid question i know as there is nothing. They plan to have a burial with grandparents present. I was just wondering if you had any suggestions that might help?
    Thank you & hope u are well.

    • Stephanie
      July 23, 2013 at 1:44 PM

      So sorry to hear about your brother and his wife. What a sweet sister you are to be online trying to find a way to help. If I were you and it was my brother (who also lives three hours away) I would spend the weekend making freezer food and then make a delivery. If you use my freezer recipes, do the healing chicken soup for sure. That way you can give them a month’s worth of meals in one trip. Or ask your brother what her favorite massage or nail place is and get her a gift certificate so she can mother herself. Allowing her the space to grieve how she chooses is also a good gift. And knowing that it may take a year before she wants to go to family functions or be social, so again give her space. Ask her what they named the baby and always refer to him or her by name. Hope that helps.

  • Rachel
    July 24, 2013 at 3:31 AM

    Thank you for this post. I had a similar experience, but did it over the toilet (didn’t realize I was at the delivery stage), and opted to send the tissue in (they couldn’t determine anything from it anyway). I didn’t know that a natural miscarriage was a “thing”, I just refused to have a D&C (partly out of denial-I still felt pregnant, and for me, it did take a couple of weeks after being notified for labor to occur). I did most of my l labor via a yoga class, without letting anyone know.
    I came to this site via Pinterest because I was looking for a new recipe for baby wipe spray. In stead I found 2 posts that were strangely close to home. Kismet.

    • Stephanie
      July 24, 2013 at 10:28 PM

      You are so welcome, thanks for reading. So sorry for your loss.

  • Vanessa v
    July 31, 2013 at 1:15 PM

    I just had a misscarage at home,I was scared,but I wanted to see him,for a bit’s hard and I’m still mad at my self…how did u ever get pass that ..

    • Stephanie
      August 1, 2013 at 1:30 AM

      So sorry for your loss Vanessa. I honestly never really got mad at myself. I knew I was doing the best I could, and that it wasn’t my fault I had a miscarriage. Mad at God yes, but never at myself.

  • Allison
    August 11, 2013 at 3:17 AM

    Hi there,
    Just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your story. I had my first miscarriage about a year and a half ago…I was about 9 weeks along, hadn’t yet had an ultrasound, and was at work one day and all of a sudden started bleeding….an ultrasound the next day showed that the baby had stopped growing around 6 weeks….after 3 days of bleeding, my body went into labor on it’s own, very easy compared to real labor & delivery (I had a drug free home birth and my daughter was 9lbs 3 oz… nothing compared to real labor), but I was really so unsure of what was going to happen….like you said, no one talks about miscarriages very much. I now have two beautiful daughters….our youngest is almost a year….her birthday is the 21st of this month….and today was actually her due date. But sadly, we just found out that we have lost another baby….I went in for my 2nd midwife appointment last week at 13+1 weeks & my midwife was unable to detect a heart beat (I had already had an ultrasound done at 9 weeks and seen my beautiful baby and it’s little heart beating away, so I figured there must be an explanation & tried not to stress too much)….my midwife being a friend of mine came over a few days later to try and hear it again…still nothing….now I was starting to stress…..two days later I was sent for an ultrasound at the hospital…the technician told me before she started that she wouldn’t be able to tell me anything….I was so upset…i had imagined her doing the scan and then turning the screen to me and saying “look, there’s your baby’s heartbeat….everything is fine”……but that was not the case….so i called my midwife immediately after i left, and she started making calls to get the results of the report asap. Two hours later, i got the call from my midwife, saying that the baby had died at 12+2 weeks…………I was 14 weeks along that day! That was 4 days ago and it still hasn’t really sunk in…..I’ve had no physical evidence to suggest i’m not pregnant….not like with the first when i had bleeding…..i still have a little baby bump, i’m still so nauseous, and i’m hungry all the time……… can this be real….i am not at all interested in having surgery, as we do plan to have more children & i know there can be risks involved, and I’ve already delivered two beautiful 9+ lbs baby girls, at home, drug free, so why would this be any different…but the hardest part is the waiting – it’s ironic really that this is happening a year ago to the day that my baby girl was due….and she then made me wait another 11 days…..and now here i am, a year later, anxious, stressed, waiting for my body to go into labor on it’s own. So far I’ve taken the black & blue cohosh (homeopathic form), once per day for the past 3 days….i’m hoping to do some acupuncture tomorrow….and as I type away i’m sipping on my Raspberry leaf tea. I’m sorry for rambling on….it helps to tell my story…as you said it did for you as well….but I am really thankful to have read about your delivery of your baby….i know that this one will be very different from my first miscarriage as that baby was only 5-6 weeks verses this one being just over 12….i’m mentally trying to prepare myself for what i am going to see….I’ve even gone online & googled images of a 12 week fetus so I’m not totally shocked. With my first, i was just on the toilet…and everything came out within about 30 minutes….and then i just flushed the toilet….and i regret that to this day….it felt like a horrible end to my baby’s life…..i flush my shit down the toilet…how could i do the same with my precious baby….but again…nobody talks about it….nobody says “it’s ok to bury your baby & remember it.” I thought that was just what you did….but this time I’ve been able to talk more openly about it, and I want to be able to see & hold my baby….and to bury it & remember it & acknowledge it as a real life….i don’t know if it’s because i actually “saw” this baby’s heart beat that it feels more real, that it hurts so much more…but i want to do it differently this time. And i like that you were in the tub for it…I’ve been trying to think of what i would actually do…squat on the floor over a big delivery pad, lay down….but my last delivery was a water birth and water has always been comforting to me so i really like that idea.

    Anyways, i’m sorry for rambling on so much….i just want to say thank you again for sharing!!

    • Stephanie
      August 12, 2013 at 3:11 AM

      So sorry for your losses Allison. I know, seeing a heart beat can make the devastion so much harder, because you think ok! I made it 8 weeks! Heartbeat is good! That your chances of a miscarriage are so slim. And then you get the rug pulled out from underneath you. I hope delivery and recovery goes well for you, please let me know if there is anything I can do and you will be in prayers.

  • Claudia
    August 13, 2013 at 4:56 PM

    Hi Stephanie,
    I just found this website by chance and you got me in tears. I am just going through a miscarriage, am 41 and it’s my first pregnancy. I was supposed to be 10 weeks pregnant but my baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, so a missed miscarriage. I wish I would have read this before my contractions started friday night and went on till 4am. My best friend in Italy explained many things to me but you will not understand till it happens to you. I am very good with pain management but I thought I was going to die, it was so painful and the blood and all that came with it! It was surreal, still now I think about it and think… did this all really happen? No-one really explains a thing about natural miscarriage. You get no warning of what is to come! The doctor, once you are pregnant sends you home saying congratulations, see you at week 12 for the first scan (in the UK). WHY WHY WHY, isn’t there more info about miscarriages and what a woman has to go through or even how many pregnancies actually end up as a miscarriage? The emotions you are going through are bad enough as it is but the pain and the blood and the bits???? No-one explains. They call it a strong period! Yeah right! They can all fcuk right off from my point of view! They should call it full on labour and no present at the end, no crying baby at the end and this as early as 6 weeks pregnancy/size whatever you want to call it!
    No need to say that I am still riding the waves right now, I have still been passing some lining day by day and am still bleeding. Going back to the hospital in 2 days to check if I need to have a D&C, which definitely is not something I want to go through. I had enough of people poking inside of me carelessly and constantly telling me I can try again soon! My situation is a little different from other women, I had sex with a friend who lives 5000 miles away and got pregnant. My luck was that once he knew, he really wanted our child and was up for being his father big time but he was not here when I went through what I went through all by myself and I cannot just knock on his door and ask him to try again! Plus how bloody insensitive (I rather not swear online), discarding my child like it’s an old dress and I can buy a new one! It wasn’t a dress, it was MY child! Why do people do that! I don’t get it. If someone in the family dies, people are all sympathetic, but a miscarriage? Oh well, get over it, you can have another one! BUT I wanted this one! This was my first and the way I am going only child!! Sorry am ranting and raving on…
    I better stop now, just want to say… before I didn’t know what it meant to be pregnant and I didn’t really understand what it means to lose a child and go through a miscarriage. I hope that this experience will make me stronger and wiser to help others out. Last word… I am glad I was blessed with being a mother for such a little moment in time, even if I couldn’t meet my little one. It was worth more than money can buy, would not have missed it for anything.
    Love to all that are going through the same and have been through this. xx

    • Catherine
      September 9, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      They CAN all fuck right off. My doctor said my 5 and a half week fetus would be about 1 centimeter. I passed a sack that looked like 3 inches of umbilical cord. Had no idea what to expect. Good to know we are not alone and not crazy. Well…maybe a little.

      • Claudia
        October 4, 2013 at 3:31 PM

        I would report the doc! I can’t believe he said that! What an idiot.
        BTW, just an update… 8 1/2 weeks after I first started bleeding.. I am still bleeding. Went to the hospital on tuesday where they said that there might still be tissue inside. This after taking the “abortion” pill 4 weeks ago as there definitely still was something inside. For the record.. the pills didn’t do anything for me at all, not one cramp, no stronger bleeding. So, now because the preg test on tuesday was negative… the hospital has given me Mefenamic Acid 500mg for a month to try to stop the bleeding. I read that it should alleviate the cramps (which I have on a daily basis) and ease till it stops the blood flow. If nothing happens to call the hospital back. Right… I am bleeding more and the cramps are stronger… I am on day 3 of these pills.
        Am I now completely going nuts?? I can’t see blood or any flipping pads anymore… I just want to go back to normality but even the hospital seems to be clueless! It’s a flipping never-ending story!!!
        Has anyone else bled over 8 weeks after a natural miscarriage? 🙁

        • Stephanie
          October 5, 2013 at 2:05 PM

          I can’t remember how many weeks I bled but it was a long time. I too, wanted so to just be done with bleeding. And I did feel much better emotionally once the bleeding was over. I retained a piece of the placenta so I actually stopped bleeding and then started again to get that last piece out. Extended bleeding usually means that a piece has been retained. I would go to a homopath or an acupuncture dr if I were you, to help your body expel the last of the tissue and finish the job it started. Lots of love and peace to you.

  • Sarah
    August 15, 2013 at 7:06 PM

    Yes! Water is a miracle. My husband was deployed when I miscarried my son. Since it had been over a week of cramps and bleeding to no result, I came home with some drugs to help it get going. A friend watched my son while I soaked in the tub to ease the pain and passed everything in four hours of intense contraction. As much as it was a loss, my body felt so relieved as I felt off since the pregnancy started. Something was definitely wrong. We have three little identical angels who with always be in my heart, but today I feel like I was tested and came through stronger.

    • Stephanie
      August 16, 2013 at 11:25 AM

      I agree, the water helped me so much too. So sorry for your losses, but glad you feel stronger now.

  • Ella
    August 19, 2013 at 3:30 AM

    I went to the ER with cramping and bleeding Tuesday… the poked and prodded… I hardly got ANY info. Just, “your baby has a low heart beat, that can be a sign that you will miscarry, but you might be fine.”

    No HCG levels, no how far along I was… not even what the heart rate was… Nothing on what to expect if I did miscarry….

    The next day I miscarried at home.

    I still can’t get over how the babies heart was beating one day, and I miscarried the next. =(

    I’m been so hungry and thirsty since… so tired

    • Stephanie
      August 20, 2013 at 12:50 AM

      I know, it’s hard to wrap your mind around it once you have seen the heartbeat on an ultrasound. So sorry to hear of your loss. Please take good care of yourself and listen to your bodies cravings right now.

  • Leah
    August 20, 2013 at 4:14 PM

    Thank you for posting this. I agree with you that it’s terrible women do not talk about this. I miscarried for the first time in March and it was really scary. I’m a military wife, so most of my friends and family were on the other side of the world and not awake when I was going through my panicky moments. I also wish the hospital would have explained that I was going to feel labor pains. They were worried my pregnancy was ectopic and told me to come in if I was in a good deal of pain. So when labor came and I was in pain I freaked out that I had an ectopic pregnancy.
    It’s not easy going through this and I really appreciate that you put this out there so others can get support, too.

    • Stephanie
      August 21, 2013 at 3:39 PM

      So sorry to hear about your loss Leah, lots of love to you.

  • Hailey S
    August 25, 2013 at 4:00 AM

    Thank you do much for your story. I’m going through a miscarriage right now, at 7 weeks but we lost it at 6 weeks when I started spotting badly. I chose a natural miscarriage because it seemed like the right thing to do for my baby, more respectful in a way. My husband and I have been trying for a couple months and he still wants to try, but I’m scared and nervous. We have a 2 1/2 years old son who was a surprise, and I guess I didn’t think this could happen to us. Do you have any advice for dealing with trying again?

    • Stephanie
      August 25, 2013 at 11:21 PM

      So sorry to hear about your loss Halley. My only advice is to follow your heart. Some women like to try again as soon as they can (at least a cycle or two to heal) and other wait longer giving their bodies, minds and hearts more time to heal.

  • Imani
    September 3, 2013 at 12:28 AM

    Thank you for your story. I just had my first pregnancy/miscarriage. I really didnt think it would happen to me the first time. I’m only 20 years old and was only 3-4 weeks pregnant when it happened. You’re right. It absolutely sucks. I’m glad there’s an option other than getting a d&c. I really want my pregnancies to go as naturally as possible. Growing up they don’t tell you about all the other options, especially when your parents have gone the traditional hospital route. I expected my mom to shun my decision to have a water birth, but she said that she had always wanted to have one that way. Her diabetes and medical history required that her births be closely monitored, so it wasn’t ever an option for her. Part of me still can’t believe this is happening. I feel like I’m just acting it out, like later on I’ll look back wonder if it even happened at all. Ok, I’m blabbering. All I really wanted to say is thanks for sharing your experience. Goodness knows it helped me with mine. 🙂

    • Stephanie
      September 3, 2013 at 1:44 AM

      So sorry for your loss Imani. Lots of love to you.

  • Catherine
    September 9, 2013 at 3:53 PM

    I am late to the party, in so many ways. I am in the middle of my first miscarriage, third pregnancy, at 42 years old. Never had a problem with the first two (my youngest is nearly 11) so had no idea what was in store. I wish I had found this post before yesterday, when my tiny 5 1/2 week old fetus dropped out of my body into the toilet and I had to flush it down like a…well, you know. I didn’t know what to do, what to expect, and I feel awful. I applaud your courage in writing it all down and sharing it all, even the difficult parts. I didn’t expect to get pregnant, and didn’t even want to, but once I opened my heart to make room for a new life, and persuaded my family to do the same, to have it taken away was pure torture. More than anything I am just pissed, and would really like to punch someone in the face. So…thanks for helping me know I’m not alone. Because it sure feels like it sometimes.

  • Nia
    October 7, 2013 at 12:31 AM

    Stephanie, Thank you a 1,000 times over for being vulnerable and transparent with your story. I am very moved and appreciative of your honesty. My husband and I found out this past Friday that our baby may have died between 6 and 8 weeks. At the time of my appointment, I was believed to be 8 weeks pregnant. I was spotting pink, then darker red, this tiny clots here and there and by the time I reached the doctor (after calling them with my concerns a couple days prior), I was wearing a regular pad and experiencing a lot of cramping. I was sure we were going to miscarry but my husband believed otherwise. The ultrasound proved that baby had no heart beat and we were devastated. The doctor met with us later and told us we could miscarry naturally or opt for the pill or surgery – which we opted for natural.
    I still do not know what to expect- as my doctor did not fully explain what I may or may not experience. I read your blog and could not stop reading. Your visual account of what happened was heart-breaking but it helped me get an idea of the worst that could happen. WOW and THANK YOU again. – NIa

    • Stephanie
      October 7, 2013 at 2:00 AM

      So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your healing process peaceful. Lots of love to you and thanks for reading.

  • Katie
    October 31, 2013 at 6:04 PM

    Thank you for writing this and sorry for your loss. I experience a natural misscarrage at home this morning. I read your other post last night and so badly wanted to do this at home and not go into the hospital. I questioned myself and my body because my husband works out of town and I didn’t want to go through this alone with my two and half year old son at home with me. Then I had contractions all night and it happened this morning so I call my mother in law to help with my son. Thank you for preparing me for what my body already knew how to do. I was planning a homebirth side my last pregnancy was induced and in a cold hospital room. This was just as healing for me as the homebirth would have been, I think. I did birth at home and it was unmedicated. Again thank you!

    • Stephanie
      October 31, 2013 at 6:53 PM

      You are so welcome Katie, glad it was helpful. Lots of love and peace to you.

  • Cinda
    November 2, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    Hi there, I check your blog on a regular basis. Your writing style is awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

  • Carissa
    November 16, 2013 at 6:58 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I am right now miscarrying at home. I should be 11 weeks pregnant. I found out I was miscarrying early in the morning yesterday and my body kicked into high gear with it last night. The pain was horrendous and the bleeding was unbelievable. At this point I am doing a lot better. I believe the baby must have been passed at some point last night but there was so much blood and large clots that I never saw it. This makes me sad. The baby stopped growing at 9 weeks so it still would have been quite small.
    This is my first miscarriage (second pregnancy) so reading your experience was very helpful to me.

    • Stephanie
      November 18, 2013 at 2:12 PM

      So sorry for your loss Carissa. Thanks so much for sharing your details. Each pregnancy and miscarriage is so different so I know that women reading this thread will find it comforting to find a story that might be similar to theirs. Lots of love to you.

  • Zoe
    November 18, 2013 at 5:41 AM

    Hi Stephanie,

    I came across your site when searching for natural miscarriage information and how women who went through this terrible ordeal dealt with it. I’m so sorry for your loss. I was 12 weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage last night. I’m sort of numb because for me it happened all too quickly. I started spotting very lightly a few days ago and because I didn’t have pain I didn’t think it was a miscarriage. I went to sleep last night thinking it’s some random issue but woke 2 hours later with cramps and a feeling that I’m birthing! I just ran to the toilet, as gross as that sounds. And I passed the placenta and fetus : ( It was terrible. Sorry tmi really, but I just had to write about this, because people around me seem to think it’s okay and just because there’s nothing anybody could do about it, there’s not much point in dwelling over it.

    But I’m not dwelling over anything, I’m just trying to make sense of what just happened! Even though my miscarriage was almost painless, it was just like giving birth (I have a 3 year old) and the whole experience has left me numb. I wish I could have buried everything but I was terrified of even looking! There was so much blood everywhere.

    Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for allowing me to share a little bit of mine <3

    • Stephanie
      November 18, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      Thank you for sharing your story. It’s not too much information at all. Every story that is told I know will help other women going through this. I am so sorry for your loss and lots of love and prayers to you.

  • Leslie
    November 28, 2013 at 8:32 AM

    Thanks for such an honest post. I went through a home miscarriage at 8 weeks which was horrible. I went on to have a son, thought I was done with miscarriage, and got pregnant again. At 12 weeks into my third pregnancy I miscarried AGAIN, but this time I begged the doctor for a next day D & C. There is no way I could go through what I had to at 8 weeks, and knew it would be so much worse at 12. I’m glad that you were able to find peace and comfort in your experience, and I’m glad that I read it to because I kind of wondered what it would have been like had I waited things out at home. It really would have been nice to see the baby. I’m glad you were able to do that.

    • Stephanie
      November 28, 2013 at 4:26 PM

      So sorry for your losses Leslie. I am glad you are strong enough to know exactly what you need and what is best for you. Lots of love and light.

  • Latasha
    December 3, 2013 at 1:38 AM

    Hi Stephanie, I love your story! It has inspired me and my sister so much! She is going through a miscarriage and the baby’s heart stopped beating at 12 weeks which is what she is now. She wants to do a natural miscarriage at home but the doctors are pushing a dnc on her. They said she will very possibly die if she does it at home. We desperately need advice. We want to bury the baby and name him/her. Any advice? Thanks in advance. They are trying to get her to do a dnc in just 2 days.

    • Stephanie
      December 3, 2013 at 5:30 PM

      Well I am alive and I have done four at home now, so that is just not true! Hemorraging is absolutely a possibility, but it is very rare. All she needs is peace and quiet and some support and someone to check in on her. So for example, I labored alone in the bathroom, but my husband came to check on me every thirty minutes to make sure I was ok and staying hydrated. Doctors are paid consultants just like laywers and accountants. You can hire and fire them as you please and disregard their advice as you please too.

  • Susanna
    December 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM

    Thanks for sharing your story. I am reading it and crying for your pain and mine, because while reading am going trough a miscarriage. I am 12 weeks pregnant today with my fourt child , which is unexpected for us, because I got pregnant while having IUD. I started having spotting in the morning and some cramps in my lower back, went to ER,they did blood work and ultasound. The tech was quiet and had a concerned look on her face. I asked if smthg is wrong, but she told me she ‘s not allowed to talk to me about this, so I knew wright away that smtng is defenately off here. I didn’t want to beleive that , and told to myself everything is going to be fine. I tryed to calm myself, that nothing could happen to the baby, it must not, if G-d didn’t want this baby alive he would never give us a chance of having him. My worse fear was true , baby had no heart beat. I am home now and looking for some answers on how miscarriages happen, I don’t know, it’s my first time. I din’t know how to tell this to my kids, but I just told them the truth,as harsh as it is, my two older kids wete crying , because they were very exited having a little brother or reading your article am so scared of having miscarrage at home, but I am “a big girl” i can handle it now I know what to expect. I was never given an option having it other way, they told me it’s going to be like a heavy period. I was going trough some piks even on line. , but your words gave more picture on what to expect. Thank you! I hurts so,so much! I know exactly when the babies heart stopped beating , when and why. I feel so empty already!

    • Stephanie
      December 10, 2013 at 3:40 PM

      So sorry for your loss Susanna. The emptiness will subside, but a little part will always linger. Please check out my other posts on Uterus health and mayan abdominal massage. IUD are very unhealthy for your uterus. Lots love to you during this time.

  • Cassandra Grayson
    January 15, 2014 at 7:35 PM

    First off I am so sorry for your loss and THANK YOU for posting about natural miscarriage at home. My husband and I just found out that we lost our baby I’m supposed to be 10wks and our baby only measures 6wk2days and there is no heartbeat… This is our second MC and I am just devastated! We are blessed with a healthy one year old and he has been my shining beacon of light throughout this MC so far but you have no clue how much I’ve wanted to let out a string of profanities today… I work at a high school where ALOT of our students are pregnant and in my mind (I know it isn’t right) but am just mad that they can have children so easily when we’ve been trying 6months and have had no success at all… My husband and I decided that we were going to let it pass naturally and this is the first good info I’ve found so again Thank You! This has helped me a lot

    • Stephanie
      January 15, 2014 at 9:42 PM

      So sorry to hear about your losses Cassandra. You do whatever you need to do to cope. Lots of love to you.

  • April
    January 29, 2014 at 7:05 PM

    Hi Stephanie,

    Like many other commenters, I wanted to thank you so very much for your post. I believe that sharing these stories is empowering, and sharing the details of delivering our lost babes may help many women. I’m so sorry for anyone who experiences this, and I’m grateful to have found your story.

    We found out 6 days ago at 11w+4d that our baby measured at ~8weeks and the heartbeat we saw just 2 weeks previously had ceased. I had no cramping, bleeding, or other signs of impending miscarriage, and had attributed my diminishing symptoms to rounding the bend from morning sickness. Of course, we/are were shocked and crushed.

    My goal was to avoid medical intervention if possible. I wanted to complete this life cycle on my own, in the comfort of my home, with my husband nearby. On Friday I began taking sepia and sabina, Yogi Moon Tea, and red raspberry leaf tea as well. I went running one day, played tennis for 2 hours another, and walked for miles and miles each day.
    On Monday evening around 6, cramping and spotting began. The cramping came in waves, not unlike the tales of labor I’ve read in natural childbirth books. I slept fitfully, woken by discomfort through the night. Tuesday (yesterday) came. I had walked already in the morning, but after lunch my husband accompanied me on another loop around the neighborhood. The contractions (there is no denying what they are) came intensely throughout the walk. I would zone out and focus on my body almost unconsciously when they came. We got home and as I was telling him I thought things were really happening, I felt a sudden gush of fluid. I am not shitting you, my tiny water really broke. (It is absolutely insane that the docs tell you to expect a “really bad period”.) I sat on the toilet and pink-clear fluid rushed out, followed by blood. In the next 2.5 hours, I had intense contractions followed by some pretty intense blood clots that looked like liver. At the height of the pains, I delivered our tiny little undeveloped baby, who looked just like one of those week-by-week illustrations of the 8 week mark. I moved into the shower and the placenta came. It looked just like a placenta (like in birthing videos and stories, and it was big! The size of my whole palm, plus some. I had immediate physical relief after a few more pains and expulsion of what I hope were the last of the clots. I was exhausted, but also so grateful that I could accomplish this at home. I was impressed by the process, and so happy that I could have this tiny taste of motherhood. It felt so nice to be free from anxiety after all this time.

    I delivered our tiny child just yesterday. We placed its body and placenta among the flowers in our backyard. Though I’m still healing physically, I believe that having a natural miscarriage at home is helping me to heal emotionally. No woman’s choice is wrong, however, but I feel it was best for me. I wish healing and love to anyone who must endure this loss.

    Thanks again Stephanie.

    • Stephanie
      January 29, 2014 at 10:18 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story April. I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so happy you had such a healthy birth and were able to do everything naturally. Not that there is anything wrong with a D&C, but I know for some women it can add to the heartbreak, so I am glad you were spared that. Lots of love to you and your husband.

  • Joy
    February 2, 2014 at 8:43 PM

    Thanks for sharing your story. Not only so I could find it, but for others too. I knew I was pregnant when the baby was conceived. I waited two weeks to test and was pregnant. I have two beautiful healthy children who are 4 and 6, and a third who didn’t enter into life with us. So remember the signs of pregnancy, no doubt. However, 2 1/2 years ago, we were pregnant, elated, my plan for three and the timing for three was perfect, and at 10 weeks found out the baby did not have a heartbeat. It was devastating! I wanted to have a natural birth, but my body wouldn’t release little peanut. My anxiety and stress over it all had myself and others concerned. After a month of waiting to birth the baby naturally, I finally decided to have a D&C. Was too concerned about all kinds of other things. It was impersonal, my husband couldn’t come in, I felt naked, it was painful. No one I knew was there. It was all women, and they were kind, and there were many of them. But just devastating. Through time, conversations, crying and grief, I’ve worked my way through the journey of loss. sad sometimes, but well. I wrote about the loss. And felt a release. Then in Jan. 2 1/2 years later, not exactly the best time, I was pregnant again. Elated, three children in our world seems like a fabulous number to have growing up together. I think my youngest would make a great big brother. I was delighted, but skeptical. Before, I told everyone, this time I told only my husband. I’ve been excited, anxious, not paying attention now for a few weeks. Waiting to be able to share the news after the first trimester. Yesterday, i felt an unusually pain in my back, and then a few hours later, started bleeding, like I would for a menstrual cycle. The blood continued, it continues today. I’ve had blood clots, come every time I go to the bathroom. This morning at church, I had my husband stay with me every where I went, including teaching Sunday School, because I need his energy, especially around people. I feel weak. not wanted to stay away from everyone and everything, but needed the strength of another, loosing the blood, and feeling sad, all make me want to curl up into a little ball. Thought I’d want to sleep, but couldn’t rest my mind. I continue to bleed. I felt what I believe to be a slight cramp in my right side twice, and think we are only at the beginning of the birth. Not sure what the next 24 or 36 hours will bring. But am sure more blood.

    I just want to be a bystander, watching my children while my husband takes care of their needs. Here, but not in charge. This journey has just begun, and time will mend. As much as I’d like to have three beautiful healthy children, I’m not sure how three would work, fit in a car, find a bed, as an older mother, I wondered how my body would take another pregnancy. Lots of questions and doubts in the process. But regardless, we were blessed if only for a few weeks with a new life, a hope, that will be gone but not forgotten. And will always be a reminder of how precious the lives that are here with us now are. And this time, more than any other, including the birth of my children (an I was amazed), I am amazed by my own awareness of my body. Of the growth of the little one who grew there for a few weeks. And I am amazed the body knows what to do in so many situations, including a miscarriage.

    Thank you again. Thank you.

    • Stephanie
      February 3, 2014 at 2:21 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Joy. I know they will be helpful to others who find this space. Lots of love and prayers to you.

  • Rebekah
    February 9, 2014 at 6:56 AM

    Thank you so much for this blog. I just went through my 4th failed pregnancy at age 30 ( 2 early miscarriages at home, 1 ectopic, and 1 miscarriage at 11 weeks) last week. I do have a 3 year old son, though his pregnancy was also very emotional as he had gastroschisis and was 6 weeks early. It does definitely not get easier. With this one we saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks, at the next appointment there was no heartbeat and no baby. My doctor said it was absorbed back into my body. I was also not given the option of natural miscarriage (though I do not know if it would have helped since there was no baby left) and did a D&C at the hospital. It was not pleasant. We have almost decided to stop trying. It is just too painful and I don’t know if I could handle another miscarriage or devastating sonogram. And if anyone even thinks about judging me for my 1 child I will punch them in the fucking face. (Probably not, but I will think about it). Thank you for being so open about miscarriages, it really is a taboo subject.

    • Stephanie
      February 11, 2014 at 2:38 PM

      So sorry about your losses Rebekah. Have you heard of Mayan Massage? An ectopic pregnancy is a high indicator for a uterus misalignment and Mayan massage can heal that. If you are not already, please get on my email list, I will be hosting some live workshops all around the country the end of this year and next year, I would love for you to come.

  • Vanessa
    February 20, 2014 at 10:31 PM

    Thanks for posting this. I just discovered a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks after two healthy girls, so I began to wonder what the process would be like. I think what I have found is that the process is much much more painful and bloodier than I would expect. You often hear it is like a heavy period- which it is not! Thanks again for sharing. I hope my experience is over soon.

    • Stephanie
      February 20, 2014 at 10:46 PM

      It can be like heavy period for some women, and in my experience the very early miscarriages between 4 and 6 weeks are like a very heavy period, but after about 8 weeks, again in my experience, it feels like a mini labor. Lots of love to you, so sorry to hear about your loss.

  • Annie
    March 5, 2014 at 4:41 PM

    Hello to everyone,
    I thought I was 13 weeks pregnant when I went to the doctor to get my baby tested for Down syndrome. It didn’t take me very long to figure out ( based on the way the US tech was acting) that something was wrong. The tech said she had to talk to the doctor. She came back in the room and told me there was no heartbeat and that that baby hadn’t grown past 10 weeks. I was then brought to see my OB. I was hoping maybe she would tell me that there was even the slightest chance that my baby was alive but she confirmed the worst. I felt the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life in that very moment. She gave me a couple of different options. I choose to go through the miscarriage naturally. My OB said it would be a lot of heavy cramping and bleeding. She didn’t prepare me at all for what really happened. Yes, there was a lot of cramping and bleeding but it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, I bled so much that I felt like I was going to pass out and then my lips started to turn blue so I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. They gave me some pain meds and adavan for anxiety. The pain meds didn’t help and since almost everything had came out I didn’t have to have a D n C and they just monitored me for a couple hours while the rest came out. Now here’s what made me really upset before I left my house in the ambulance the emt’s collected what they could out of the toilet to show the doctors what had came out before I got to the hospital. I figured between what the emt’s collected and what came out in the hospital that my baby had to b in there somewhere. I asked my nurse and my doctor if I could have him or her to bury. They told me that it would have came out as broken up tissue and that there wouldn’t b anyway to find it. I knew by the stories and pictures I saw and read online that they were lying to me I couldn’t understand why but there was nothing I could do. It really hurt I went through all of that pain and emotional distress and I couldn’t even have my baby to bury. Luckily when I got home I found that the emt’s didn’t flush the little bit of stuff they left behind. I don’t know why but something told me to look through it, so I did. I took the end of a coat hanger and moved the stuff around a bit and there it was, my beautiful little baby, it looked just as it did in the ultrasound he or she looked almost like a newborn would but about half the size of my middle finger. Having a natural miscarriage and being able to see and hold my baby even though he or she was gone made it easier for me to say goodbye and get through this. This was my first baby and my boyfriend and I really want to try again once my body is completely healed. I’ve read lots of story’s on miscarrying and while my doctor says I’m healthy enough to try again once I’ve healed. I’m afraid this could happen again. If it did I don’t know if I could handle it emotionally. However, the risk is very much worth the reward, and now I want a baby more then ever, so I hope it’s meant to be. Also, I want to thank all the other ladies who have shared their stories, you have helped so many women who are going through the same thing. To everyone who is going through this right now know that your not alone and you will get through this in time. Thanks for reading.

    • Stephanie
      March 6, 2014 at 2:09 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Annie. I am so glad you got to hold your baby. Lots of love and healing to you.

  • Brandie
    March 30, 2014 at 3:31 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in the midst of a second miscarriage. The first was back in Sept of 2006. I had already a son and we wanted another child. I was 7 wks and went to my first apt. My husband had to work, so I went alone. With already having one child with no complications during the first trimester we thought everything would be okay. We told everyone that I was pregnant. When I went in, my doctor wanted to see how far along I was and brought in the ultrasound machine. She could not find a heart beat so sent me over for a regular internal. They could not find the heartbeat either. I was told my baby had died. I was devastated. To make a long story short I went back a week later and opted to take the pills to abort my baby. At the time I thought that it was the best for me. I was in great pain but only for a short time. It happened so fast that I didn’t know what to do and sat on the toilet crying until I passed the baby. I did get my baby out and buried it. I couldn’t get myself to flush it. This was my baby and a part of me. It deserved a proper burial. Looking back however, I have felt terrible for taking the pills even though I knew my baby’s heart had stopped. I had to go months with running into family and friends and them asking me how the baby was and when I was due. Each time I had to tell them that I lost my baby it was like I was losing another piece of my heart. This pregnancy was not planned however. We didn’t want to have anymore children after having the miscarriage we had a baby girl in 2008. She was born with health problems. We did not want to risk another baby’s life. The Lord saw fit however for me to get pregnant again. We thought that since the Lord had a hand in it that things would be fine. We were very scared but looked to God for all to go well. This month I had two previous ultrasounds and all looked to be well with the baby. On Thursday I started to spot and called up the nurse. She made me an apt for Friday morning. This time I took my mom. While I went in she was in the waiting room with my two children. She couldn’t find a heart beat and sent me over to maternal fetal medicine for a special ultrasound. It was as I feared most. My baby’s heart had stopped. Even though we did not plan this pregnancy it does not make the hurt any less. I had them bring my mom and children back so that I could tell them in privacy that the baby had died. It was so hard to look my children in the eyes and tell them that their little baby brother/sister had died. They were so excited to be getting a brother/sister. I just keep crying and have a hard time going on. I already feel so empty inside. I of course have already been having cramps and what feels like contractions. The bleeding however has not started yet. I am so scared with what this one is going to be like since my baby is over 2 inches long. I do like your idea of the bathtub and will try it with this one. I know that as a person of faith that I should not cuss however like you have cussed so much and keep asking myself why. I have been blaming myself. I know that it is not my fault but it doesn’t help the pain. There are so many women that have miscarriages and they don’t know what to do or what is going to happen. Even if you have had one before, like each pregnancy, they are all different. I was 8wks when I finally miscarried my first child. I am 12 wks right now with this one. I hope and pray for healing for all women that have to go through this terrible process. It hurts physically and emotionally. No one should have to go through what we have had to go through or are going through right now. May God bless everyone that has ever went though this and will ever have to go through this. Thanks again for sharing your story with us.

    • Stephanie
      April 1, 2014 at 11:44 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Brandie. I am so sorry for your losses. I hope this miscarriage is as peaceful as possible for you. And you just cuss as much as you want! Read my potty mouth post. I know lots of devout Catholic women who cuss! You don’t want to cuss AT someone or call them names to be hurtful, but there is nothing wrong with cussing just to express yourself. Lots of love to you.

  • Kala
    April 26, 2014 at 12:03 AM

    I just wanted to say that I found this blog extremely helpful. I am 22 and was 13 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Last week I started having spotting and insisted on the doctors do something. I was sent for an ultrasound earlier this week and learned that I miscarried the baby. The doctor told me that my body would take care of everything. Being in shock and overwhelmed I didn’t think to ask what to expect from my body… Just a few days ago I started having my first set of contractions. I looked on line but found no answers to the questions I was having. Last night I experienced very severe contractions. My water broke around 12:45am and then there was gushes of blood along with some large clotts. I stumbled upon this blog and learned so much about what I was going through and would be going through. With this being my first miscarriage I had NO clue about what was going to happen and I will admit that I was pretty freaked out, but after reading this my mind can be at ease and not worrying all the time. This will definitely help me in the future if I ever were to miscarry (praying that I will not) and I will also recommend this to others if they have to go through this. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it could not have been easy.

    • Stephanie
      April 27, 2014 at 4:25 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Kala, so sorry for your loss. I pray that you will not experience another miscarriage too and I’m glad you found this post helpful. Lots of love and prayers for you.

  • katie
    May 24, 2014 at 10:35 AM

    Thank you for sharing your story. This is my 4th miscarriage and i also experienced a similar issue. My husband and i went in for a routine ultrasound to be told that the baby had no heart beat and had stopped growing at 9 weeks 4 days. (i was 12 weeks) unfortunately my body wasn’t as cooperative, i walked around for a week and 2 days before any contractions started. This morning at 4 am it started , very intense, strong and painful contractions. By 6 am he had passed. As i sat here balling my eyes out i felt comfort when i came across your story, that lonely feeling disappeared for that moment. You are incredibly strong and i wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing and helping me through this nightmare. Good journey.

    • Stephanie
      May 25, 2014 at 2:13 AM

      So sorry for your loss Katie. You will be in my prayers, and I wish you so much peace during this time.

  • Emma
    May 26, 2014 at 7:34 AM

    Hi Stephanie,
    So sorry for your loss. I know this blog post is over 2 years old but I only came across it now when I was looking for stories about miscarriage.
    My husband and I got pregnant in August 2013 and due for our 12-week scan on 26 November. There were no signs of anything wrong before the scan (apart from a weird feeling I had that I just didn’t feel pregnant…not sure why, maybe a motherly instinct?).
    At the scan I lay down on the bed and the doctor started his regular procedure in regards to the ultrasound. He was cold, impersonal and felt pretty unconnected to what was happening, especially when, after seeing there was a tiny, non-breathing foetus on the screen, turned to me and said very coldly, “Are you sure you were ever pregnant?” I was shocked. I was very upset. Of course I was pregnant! I even still had all the pregnancy symptoms. He left the room and I started crying. He came back in a few minutes later, saw I was crying and said, without warmth, “Yes yes, you can cry. Get it all out now.”
    The whole situation was terrible and I don’t wish it upon anyone.
    Thankfully I am now 17 weeks pregnant with my first and so far everything is going well. Of course I am extremely nervous and haven’t really enjoyed the pregnancy like I should be – I just expect to see blood every time I go to the bathroom. I don’t think I’ll really enjoy it until after my 20-week scan.
    And I definitely won’t be going back to that doctor!!!

    • Stephanie
      May 26, 2014 at 2:16 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Emma, so sorry you had to go through that. Congratulations on this pregnancy! You will be in my prayers!

  • Alison
    June 3, 2014 at 5:03 AM


    I have spent over 20 hours today in rough labor after finding out Friday at my 12 week check there was no heartbeat. I almost died-to even think a baby I wanted so much had flown to Jesus before I hold them. I know God has taken my child to be with him in Heaven. I wanted to do the natural miscarriage so that I knew my baby was gone. I didn’t want to ever wonder if the baby was misdiagnosed or the heartbeat was missed and because of a D&C I’ll never know. So I wanted this but then as it became so painful I regretted my decision. Too late so I searched online and you were the presence online that I found comfort in. It’s been h-e-double hockey sticks today. I’m spent but I wanted to post a thank you for sharing your story. Here a couple years later I found you when I needed you. God bless you. Ali

    • Stephanie
      June 4, 2014 at 5:29 PM

      So sorry for your loss and pain Alison. I am praying for peace to wash over you and for a healing white light to relieve the heavy grief. Lots of love to you.

  • KImmy
    June 6, 2014 at 3:57 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I had no idea i was pregnant until i began to miscarry, and i was convinced i was just having a very bad ( and random) period until i saw the fetus i was also choose just to go through it alone. i can estimate i was around 10-12 weeks. Your so Lucky to have had your husband to have gone through it with you its been about 3 weeks now and i still have not shared my news with my partner. Reading your story was really helpful in trying to reach my personal healing as i have been in denial and anger with myself for weeks.
    Thank you so much for this

    • Stephanie
      June 18, 2014 at 8:31 PM

      So sorry for your loss Kimmy. I will be praying for your healing and I am sending you a lots of pink healing and supportive energy your way.

  • Mish
    June 8, 2014 at 5:44 AM

    Thank you so much for your story! I am 11 weeks pregnant and currently at the beginning of a miscarriage. At my 8.5 week sono there was only an empty sac visualized that measured only 5 weeks. For the next 2 weeks I have had my labs done twice and my levels dropped. Last night I started spotting after having “pressure” off and on for about a week. I knew this was coming and I completely understand being so pissed. When I read your story I could relate so deeply to that feeling. I am a very spiritual person, I understand that there is a purpose for all of this and I am okay with the process on a higher level but then again I am just so fucking pissed. As the contractions get stronger (they are now) I am going to get in the tub. It is 1:30 in the morning and everyone is asleep. I have my husband here if I need him but I feel better doing this on my own. We had a loss last year I had opted for the D&C and I regret it to this day. I feel like I gave up to easily and I have never had closure about that. This is therapeutic for me. My husband is in enough pain and it causes him more when he sees me in pain.

    This loss seems especially raw, my husband and I have been married for almost 20 years and this baby was due on our 20 year anniversary so I really believed that we had been blessed and it was “meant” to be. I just don’t get it, I really fucking don’t.

    I want you to know that because of your story I am more at peace with the emotional and physical process.
    Again I really want to the thank you so much for your post. It was exactly what I need to see right now. Blessings and peace!!



    • Stephanie
      June 18, 2014 at 8:19 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story and being so real and honest. I know your comment will help other women too. You will be in my prayers and I and sending healing white light your way. Lots of love.

  • Victoria
    July 6, 2014 at 4:33 AM

    Thank you for posting this, I don’t know his old it is and don’t care. I haven’t even read it all yet but I am going to after I type this. I am currently going through a miscarriage and I decided to do it the natural way. I have been so confused through the whole process first of all my baby died 4 weeks ago according to measurements and I am just starting the process this week. And I keep hurting and the not hurting and it has been nothing like I thought it would be. I have searched the internet and all I can find is miscarriage and d&c nothing on what it is like doing it at home. Thank you for this I needed this, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this! I am going to get back to reading and probably do some crying, because this shit is bullshit and it hurts like hell in all aspects!

    • Stephanie
      July 8, 2014 at 9:15 PM

      So sorry for your loss Victoria. I will be praying for you and sending you lots of healing light. Hope the pain goes away soon.

  • Mary Beth
    July 27, 2014 at 9:03 PM

    Thank you so much for posting this story. I had a natural miscarriage at home two nights ago, and I was completely unprepared for what my body experienced. The books I had read never mentioned that it could be a mini labor, but that was what happened to me. I was at 11 weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 9. Since I was in between appointments, I hadn’t even thought about it until I began bleeding heavily and cramping began. We went to the ER when I had my first contraction, and an ultrasound confirmed that the baby had been gone for a long time. So much so that I was already beginning to break down inside me. They sent me home and said I could take some regular pain medication if I needed it. Then my labor increased and went into full force. I’ve never felt more un-prepared! I am so grateful to know that there are others out there who have experienced this and who are willing to talk about the horror of it all. Because that’s all I felt–horror that I had to go through actual labor for nothing. You’ve given me courage to be willing to talk to others about it, and hope that though this has been my only pregnancy before, there will be more and that labor will lead to a healthy baby someday. Thank you!

    • Stephanie
      July 28, 2014 at 10:58 PM

      So sorry for your loss Mary Beth, I am sending you lots of love right now and hope your healing is swift.

  • Leah
    July 28, 2014 at 1:51 AM

    First off, I am so sorry that you had to go through the miscarriage process. I, too, have suffered several miscarriages and it is definitely one of those things that you can’t relate to unless you have actually gone through it yourself. I’ve went through both a d&c and a natural miscarriage, and based on my personal experience, I preferred the d&c because I had the misfortune of having my natural miscarriage in a public restroom. Plus, like you I was sick of seeing blood and having to wear adult diapers all the time.

    Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring those of us who haven’t shared our stories to be more open about them…

    • Stephanie
      July 28, 2014 at 11:00 PM

      I hear ya, seeing blood day after day was one of the hardest parts and I can totally see how a D&C would be preferable for some. So sorry to hear of your losses, thank you so much for sharing your story here for other women to draw comfort from. Lots of love to you.

  • Jamie
    August 5, 2014 at 12:15 AM

    So sorry for your losses. I am currently going through a miscarriage at approximately 8 weeks. I started bleeding on August 2nd, 2014, which just happened to be my 24th birthday. I went to the ER immediately after realizing that I was bleeding, I went be myself because my 18 mo daughter was sleeping so my husband had to stay with her. At the hospital I waited around for most of the night before I was seen and when they finally got to me I was told that my cervix was closed and the bleeding was most likely nothing, and to come back in the morning for an ultrasound. I went home and got a few hours of fitful sleep and hurried back to the hospital in the morning once again by myself. I waited and worried for hours until they could get me in for an ultrasound. Once in the room I held my breath and prayed that she would find a heartbeat, but she couldn’t see anything and asked if she could do an internal ultrasound. She told me that she found something good and there was a good possibility that I just had my dates wrong. I knew that I didn’t, I knew that my baby was gone. When I spoke to the Dr he reiterated what the ultrasound technician had said and told me to come back in 48 hours to have my bloodwork done again. I went home and told my husband who chose to believe that I was still carrying a live baby. I decided to leave him with that hope as long as I could. It wasn’t long. I started havibg contractions that night, although I didn’t know if I could call them contractions until after I read your story. I think I passed the baby sometime throughout the night while sitting on the toilet. I’m still having rough contractions and passing tissue and it hurts a lot. I wish that someone had told me what to expect, I was blindsided by how much it hurts. I wish I hadn’t been given false hope at the hospital. I’m dreading cancelling my prenatal appointment with the midwives, it would have been my first visit with this baby. I’m mad that I have to cancel my ultrasound that I have been counting down the days to go to. I really didn’t even consider miscarriage to be a possibility for me. I don’t know how to heal from this, I feel lost and empty.
    Thank you for the great information and for the outlet to tell my story

    • Stephanie
      August 5, 2014 at 3:53 PM

      Thanks so much for sharing your story Jamie. That must have been such a stressful night and couple of days, laying in not-knowing but knowing. Sending you lots of love and light on your healing journey.

  • Rose
    August 6, 2014 at 5:02 AM

    Hi Stephanie, I bought the herbs below that you suggested. I’ve been searching on whether or not I can takes theses all together following the instructions on the bottle, or if they have interactions with each other and need to be taken at different days/weeks. I found no applicable drug/herbal interactions, so I plan to take them all together per the directions on the bottle. I’ve had a bad experience with my doctor and can’t get clear direction from them regarding this option. Do you remember if you just took these herbs all together per the bottle directions or…?

    – Dong Quai
    – Blue & Black Cohosh
    – Cinnamon
    – Sabin & Sepia

    Thank you for sharing your story!

    • Stephanie
      August 7, 2014 at 4:51 PM

      Hi Rose. Check out my herbs to balance hormones post, that should help you! If not, send me an email at [email protected] and we can work together! Would love to help you. 🙂

  • Megan
    August 7, 2014 at 7:36 PM

    I know this is a couple of years old, but thank you for writing about your experience. I found out a couple of days ago, at exactly 12 weeks that I have a blighted ovum. My body is on track for a pregnancy, except there is no baby. Most of the things I have read are women encouraging me to have a D&C because it was easier for them mentally and emotionally, but like you, I think it will be cathartic for me to experience this naturally – to be present mentally and deal with it as it happens. I know every miscarriage is different, but I’m just not sure what to expect. Since I’m 12 weeks along, do I expect labor like contractions even though there isn’t a fetus? Or will it feel more like a terrible period? Today is the first day I haven’t felt nauseous, so I know it’s coming soon. I am starting to cramp, and my back feels sore and in my gut I know that it’s about to happen.

    I’m so sorry you have had to go through this. I’ve had about two days to process it and after losing my mom to cancer a few months ago I can officially say this year sucks.

    • Stephanie
      August 12, 2014 at 12:13 PM

      So sorry for both your losses Megan. It’s really hard to say what you will experience, sometimes your body starts breaking down tissue before the miscarriage starts, so it’s less like a labor. I am praying for you and sending you healing light and love.

  • ashley
    August 18, 2014 at 4:15 AM

    Thank you for sharing. I do not feel so alone now and a little less angry. This is my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months this time with twins. The first one I was in shock and got a d&c, but this time I’m in the process at home. The contractions are horrible, but it seems my body know what to do. Hopefully, everything continues smoothly. Once again thank you for your courage and for sharing. Good luck and hugs to you.

  • Atheerah
    September 14, 2014 at 4:46 AM

    Dear Stephanie,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Since yesterday, ive been looking for infos on what to expect if you’re miscarrying and im glad i found your story. I am 10 weeks today and i have been bleeding since yday 6pm. Nothing much but my pee is now being accompanied by blood. No blood clots yet. U see, I got pregnant suddenly and whilst im on the copper iud. Being pregnant was ofcuz a shock but a pleasant surprise. Ive got two boys and so wanted a girl. With the symptoms she’s being giving each day (do not like meat and loves to nap for an hour or more which is abnormal for me once ive got kids) i thought this must be a girl. Reading ur story has started the tears cuz i feel like she’s slowly leaving. Ive a mind to check her heartbeat and if she’s not around anymore, id like to handle things at home with my husband. Im not sure Aleena Jane is gonna make it but i do know i need some answers. I hate waiting.

    • Stephanie
      September 14, 2014 at 7:41 PM

      Thanks so much for reading my story and sharing your own. Lots of love and prayers to you.

  • Angela
    September 29, 2014 at 8:43 AM

    Hi. I have no children and am currently going through my 6th miscarriage. I have been told that it is incomplete and that I require a d&c. I am so terrified that something will go wrong and stop me from ever having a child if I have the surgery. I found your post and am looking into all the suggestions you made. Are there any long term side effects from any of the herbs as my husband and I are keen to keep trying and at 38 my time is quite limited. Any advice you can offer would be gratefully received. Whilst I want this resolved I don’t want to take any risks. The only thing keeping us going is that we can keep trying. Thanks.

    • Stephanie
      September 29, 2014 at 11:29 AM

      There are many things you can do to complete a miscarriage naturally. Check the link at the bottom of the post for more info on that. Lots of love to you during this time.

  • katelynne
    October 30, 2014 at 12:09 AM

    I am actually going through this right now. My water broke about 5 minutes ago and I was freaking out. This was my first baby. I was 13 weeks and we found out the baby had no heart beat. Although I waited for my body to do it on its own it wouldn’t so I had to take a pill. And about an hour later the contractions started. I am so heartbroken. I just have no idea what to do. But I am glad I saw your blog it helped me to understand what is happening. I just am so pissed of and hurt that this is happening I agree it’s complete bullshit

    • Stephanie
      October 30, 2014 at 10:10 AM

      I am so sorry for your loss katelynne. You are in my prayers right now. Lots of love to you.

  • Carine
    November 7, 2014 at 1:36 PM

    i am so sorry to hear for you loss.
    I was told by doctor that there is no heartbeat and baby has stopped growing probably at 6 weeks where I should be already 8 weeks now. I was offered to go through a D&C but i am worried that it could hurt my uterus. I chose to have the natural miscarriage at home but i have waited for few days and nothing has happened. It is so torturing knowing that my baby is dead but still inside my body and i keep feeling vomit. I heard that pills will help to faster the process but i am worried that there is side effect taking the pills. If i just let my body to take care of everything, how long do i have to wait?

    • Stephanie
      November 12, 2014 at 10:38 AM

      You can actually wait a long time, the only risk is infection. So if you get a high fever, go to the ER immediately. If you feel fine, physically that is, just wait. Look at the link I provided about how to complete a miscarriage. My miscarriage stalled (I retained a piece of placenta) and had to do some natural remedies to help my body complete the process. A big part of complete the process was for me to emotionally let go. I did not want to let go of that one last piece of my baby, I did not want to move on and holding on to a physical piece kept me from moving on. So I had to look that reality in the eye and have the courage to move on, before my body could follow through. The mind-body connection is real and both need to be on the same page. Lots and lots of love to you right now. You can do this. It will be so, so hard, but you will survive and things will get easier one day.

  • Jessica
    November 12, 2014 at 11:22 PM

    I had my miscarriage on Saturday. It’s Wednesday now, and I still want to turn time back around and feel how I felt as a waiting mother. I so badly crave that feeling. It was my first pregnancy, and I have never felt so in tune, and out of turn with myself and body. I found your post when I was searching on google about how long the blood and pain is going to last. It’s pretty hard to find anything on a natural miscarriage, but for some reason, reading about someone else who has had the same feelings I am feeling, and thought the same things I have had racing through my mind the past few days, is comforting.. My heart weighs so heavy, no matter what I do. The pain, is a dark heavy pain, its cloudy and confusing, and believe me, im doing my best to not think of the darkness this has brought into my life. This is the first day that I have felt a little better about what has happened to my baby. Doing a lot of self talking to try and lighten my opinion of the situation, but all that keeps running through my mind, is how shocked and disturbed I am, that I have and continue to bleed my dead baby out of me. I’m a little blunt when it comes to these sorts of things, but I just don’t see it any other way. I mean afterall that is what’s happening to my body, how can I rephrase it any other way? I want to feel like myself again, I realize only I can do that, but it feels like my emotions are so minute to minute right now. One minute , I feel like im going to start fresh, and move on happily, the next minute I feel like fuck the world, and fuck this life. To the next minute I just bawl and want my baby back. All the way back to feeling like starting over and mo