Pregnancy & Birth

Project Conception

When you spend more than a decade doing your darnedest not to get pregnant, you start thinking that the moment you let your birth control guard down a baby will magically appear in your womb. We were so confident conceiving wouldn’t be an issue that we told people, “we aren’t trying, but we’re not NOT trying.”

A couple months later, we started trying. I deciphered my mysterious ovulation cycle with those expensive supermarket pee sticks and scheduled not-so-sexy boinking appointments on my peak days. I even consulted my spiritual advisor who suggested I converse with this future soul of ours. I was determined to make baby happen.

Despite my meticulous scheduling for five months, baby was a no-go. This led to battered egos, particularly my husband’s, and resulted in the scheduling of our first fertility counseling appointment to see if there was an issue.

Project Conception
My decision to consult professionals immediately relaxed us. It felt like we were now putting the pressure on someone else. And now that we weren’t scheduling our sexy time, we seemed to be doing it more and having fun.

By month 11 of project conception, just two weeks shy of our first fertility appointment, I was a week late and felt the first signs of pregnancy – massive boobs and bloating. I purchased a pack of the other kind of expensive pee sticks and the results were positive. YAY BABY!

The lessons I personally took away from my conception conundrum are ones I’ll continue to remember throughout mommyhood. Sometimes it’s ok for me to relinquish control. Perhaps my baby needed to come when it was ready, not when we wanted it to happen. Also, make love often and make sure you’re having a damn good time while “doing it.”

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  • Tracy S
    August 1, 2012 at 1:33 AM

    I think it’s great that you were able to get pregnant on your own, especially before you saw the specialist. But this just seems so flippant, when the topic is actually rather serious. Please remember that the “relax, and it will happen method” doesn’t work for the majority of IFers. Relaxing won’t allow me to ovulate without meds or time intercourse properly or keep me from miscarrying once I finally conceive, after years of trying. Just stating facts. 🙂

    • Becky
      August 1, 2012 at 2:05 AM

      Hi Tracy – I completely understand your point. Just to clarify, I was only stating that my personal journey taught me to relax. Everyone has their own conception journey. The Facebook conversation regarding this post illustrates that point.

    • Shawna
      August 1, 2012 at 2:13 AM

      I have to agree. Sometimes it does work out for people and I’m glad it was able to work out for you. Some of us have absolutely no control over when we become parents. We went through a ton to try and conceive and eventually closed the door and chose to adopt. We were able to adopt a beautiful baby boy and now have been waiting for over 2 years for #2. We didn’t tell anyone about our struggles to get pregnant until we said, “Guess what – we’re going to adopt!” Our friends and family sure were surprised! After our fertility struggles became known, we had people telling us that as soon as we adopted a baby we would get pregnant. Yeah, not so much… Now if only a birthmother would choose us so we could complete our family!

      • Becky
        August 1, 2012 at 2:19 AM

        Hi Shawna – Your comment makes me think I should edit my post. I was only talking about the lesson I personally learned. In no way do I think “relaxing” works for everyone. I wish you light and love in completing your family. We’re hope to adopt one day as well. My husband’s mother and aunt are both adopted.

        • Shawna
          August 1, 2012 at 3:00 PM

          Please do not edit your post. My words are not meant to be sassy or mean at all – I was just trying to share another perspective, not upset anyone.

  • Francesca
    August 1, 2012 at 12:01 PM

    Ladies, there is no reason to beat up on Becky for sharing her thoughts-it is a blog. I didn’t get from her she was telling anyone relax and boom you get pregnant. She was retelling her own experience and stress can prevent a pregnancy more so than anything. I got from her to relax and it will come, an answer that is. It may be you get pregnant, it may be adoption, it may be surrogacy but it will come. Life need not be so serious…100% of the time.

  • Jen
    August 1, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    Becky, I don’t think you have any reason to edit your post. You clearly state that what YOU PERSONALLY take away from YOUR struggle was to relinquish control. You are not telling anyone else what to do or who to be or feel! I understand this is a very heavy emotionally-weighted topic, but come on ladies, it’s a blog and she’s not really talking to ANY of us, she’s just TALKING!!! And while we’re on the subject, none of us are never really in “control,” so let’s just remember that…;-)

  • Nona
    August 1, 2012 at 10:53 PM

    Becky, I’m so happy for your success, and pray for your health and that of your baby. I love your site!

    • Becky
      August 3, 2012 at 4:43 PM

      I appreciate your kind words Nora. Stephanie has worked incredibly hard to create this robust site. We’re so happy your enjoy it!

  • Lisa Waszkiewicz
    August 3, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    As some who was most definitely had a goalie in the net, taking ever precaution around to NOT become pregnant (despite having been told since I was 16 that having children was not physically possible), and got pregnant anyway (and I’m glad it worked out that way cause I love my kiddo beyond measure)… I cannot imagine not being able to conceive when that is what your heart wants. Whether it’s having to be patient or having physical issues with conceiving. I’m so happy that your conception connudrum resolved itself. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • Becky
      August 3, 2012 at 4:42 PM

      Thanks Lisa! Now, if I can only get over this sugar addiction.

      • Cassandra
        August 3, 2012 at 5:34 PM

        Eat more fat. And probiotics help. Sugar cravings are both an issue of excess yeast in your gut (which gets passed on to baby btw) and not addressing leptin levels.

        • Becky
          August 3, 2012 at 6:10 PM

          Thanks for the tips Cassandra! I’m definitely heavy on organic cultured cottage cheese and I just switched to low sugar icelandic skyr as my yogurt. My biggest problem is overdosing on fruit at the farmer’s market. I just took a hard look at my diet and realized I’m consuming at least 3 lbs of cherries, grapes or whatever else is in season per day. It just tastes so darn good!

          • Cassandra
            August 3, 2012 at 8:27 PM

            Oh my goodness, I know what you mean. During my daughter’s 18 month growth spurt, I couldn’t keep up with her appetite and would just hand her fresh fruits we had. She gained so much weight, I couldn’t understand what was happening until I started reading about just how bad fructose is for the body and fresh fruits aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Not that there isn’t benefit to eating them and I’ve heard of some people being able to gorge on them during harvest just fine, but I was giving her the equivalent of 20 child sized servings of fruit in a single day, which is insane. She started going nuts for fruit juice and popcicles, having massive meltdowns when she couldn’t get any and we eventually just stopped bringing any of it into the house. She’s getting into her 2 year growth spurt now and I’m making sure she gets meat or fat before anything else. She’s finally starting to trim down now too, which for this fat mama is a huge relief.

            Another plug for fat was the experience I had just last night. We’re mostly grain free, but I still get cravings for cookies and candy. Last night a craving hit for a candy bar, but I started feeling incredibly nauseous while eating it. I’ve been eating a lot more coconut oil and eggs lately, so even though I still had the craving, I couldn’t finish it. Feeling sick after eating has been a huge motivator to not allow the cycle to continue even when I do have cravings (Clockwork Orange anyone? :P), but I wouldn’t have gotten there without leptin.

  • Nightingale Oao
    August 6, 2012 at 4:15 AM

    I was actually lead here from Pinterest because of a slow cooker recipe, but found it interesting that this was the post it lead me to just because it made me feel a bit relieved. I felt like I was reading what I have been going through the past couple of months because we have been TTC for a few months with no luck so thank you for sharing and reminding us to have fun.

    • Becky
      August 6, 2012 at 4:23 AM

      Welcome! We are so happy you were lead here. I hope you have lots of fun throughout your conception journey. : )

  • [email protected]
    August 10, 2012 at 12:48 AM

    My decision to consult professionals immediately relaxed us. It felt like we were now putting the pressure on someone else. And now that we weren’t scheduling our sexy time, we seemed to be doing it more and having fun.

    Thanks so much for writing that. It totally explains how I feel now that I have consulted the professionals. I like the idea of putting the pressure on someone else and not beating up myself or husband over the WHY not this month.

    • Becky
      August 10, 2012 at 8:58 PM

      I’m so happy you could relate! I’ll be thinking of you Janelle. : )

  • Rachel
    August 20, 2012 at 11:59 PM

    I can totally relate with “When you spend more than a decade doing your darnedest not to get pregnant, you start thinking that the moment you let your birth control guard down a baby will magically appear in your womb.”

    This is exactly how I feel. I will be married in 7 months and we intend to begin trying immediately. I am 8 years older than he, and I am hoping his young, virile sperm cancel out my ‘aging eggs’ ha ha.

    Here’s hoping and lot’s of baby dancing. Thank you for the read, it keeps me confident.

  • Liz
    October 19, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    I totally relate to this status! It took my husband and I a long time to conceive because we were trying to make it happen. When it did happen it was after I realized and just started having fun and that was the sexiest night I had in my marriage that far! I lost our first baby, but it definitely taught me to not try harder to control everything because you never know what God has planned for you. Some of you ladies were meant to adopt, some were meant to have physical children. All these stories are our own unique stories and I am glad to hear them all. Becky, don’t be discouraged! This is a great story!

  • Eddie
    May 14, 2013 at 7:44 PM

    Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m looking to start my own blog in the
    near future but I’m having a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I
    had to ask!