Pregnancy & Birth

The Birth Wars

“Mention that you are planning a home birth and it might be as if you had just brought up Sarah Palin or Palestine: brace for family feuds, public denunciations, and offhand remarks that imply you are selfish and stupid, your midwife is a quack, and your unborn child is a victim already in need of social services.”

This resonated with me, because an all out family war practically started when we announced we were having a home birth. My aunt was the most un-supportive, she herself having two cesarean births for “big babies.” Only after I birthed Penelope, all 9 pounds, 1 ounce of her, safely and WITHOUT tearing, did she say she may possibly rethink her stance on whether home birth is safe. The rest of our family came around while I was pregnant, partly because the numerous emails I sent them referencing all the studies that show that home birth is safe for healthy, low-risk pregnancies.

I also got lots of “wow, you are so BRAVE!” and I thought that was interesting too. I didn’t feel that I had an extra amount of courage than the average woman. I didn’t feel like I had special powers that others did not. This is another article I like, titled Home Birth: Brave Has Nothing To Do With It.

What your experience like if you planned a home birth?

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  • Princess Pioneer
    June 2, 2010 at 2:45 AM

    Women are almost instilled from a young age to think their body is a mystery and not to understand what they are capable of. Women just need to feel their inner power of the calling they have to birth their babies! Set the intention in the mind, breathe, and open! 🙂

  • Stephanie
    June 2, 2010 at 2:04 PM

    Is that you Julie?! I agree, we need to start preparing our daughters for birth and motherhood, while they are young. Did you see the previous Motherhood article about a mother who taught childbirth classes to her to her 11 year old daughter and friends when they got their period, as part of ceremony for her right of passage? SO COOL.

  • Dr. Mulder
    August 10, 2011 at 12:04 AM

    Ok, I don't knwo you, just found your blog off of pintrest, and I'm a recent natural mom. I birthed an 11 pound 2 ouncer naturally at a birthing center, and I had this same problem. NO FAMILY SUPPORT! It was insane. And we were both fine. Of coarse I was ripped from one end to another (18" head…I believe the biggest head born vaginally in the state of Texas) but that was 5 years ago and we're both awesome, had another kid since then (smaller than goodness) and am 3 months pg with yet another! I think more and more women are learning how UNSAFE hospitals are which makes the birthing centers and home births sound that much safer. Crazy brainwashing that was done growing up. haha Oh, and this is Kristal Mulder, not Dr. Mulder (that's my husband…chiro)

  • Stephanie
    August 10, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    @Kristal…11 pounds, 2 ounces, that is mad impressive! So happy to hear about positive birth stories. Congrats on your baby on the way! And how lucky are you, to be married to a chiropractor! I just took my daughter to one today, hope to do a post on the importance of chiropractor care for children soon.

  • Jennifer
    January 30, 2012 at 1:09 AM

    How do you NOT tear?

    I had a 19 hour all natural labor and delivery. I still have flashbacks about the last hour, when my contractions all ran together. Somewhere I lost myself. I was in a frenzy. My mother said my eyes were darting all over the place, and I couldn’t understand what people were saying to me any longer. And when the baby started to crown, I definitely wasn’t able to do anything calm and controlled as I saw in several birthing videos (nothing comparable to an orgasm, I assure you). So, I don’t know if that’s why I tore so much. . . but how do you not tear???? I thought I had amazing, experienced women with me and I felt well-studied . . any insight?

    • Stephanie
      January 30, 2012 at 1:27 AM

      Not understanding what people are saying to you, is totally normal. Your primal brain takes over in order to dilate your cervix, and you are not able to have any rational thoughts or conversations. I am not sure why you tore, it could be a million different things, angle of your pelvis in the position you were pushing in, angle of the baby coming down the birth canal, etc. I think I did not tear, because I was in the water. The warm water helped keep all my muscles relaxed down there. But who knows!

      • Jennifer
        January 30, 2012 at 11:36 PM

        Thanks for the 411. I wish I had gone into primal brain hours and hours before! lol

        If I have another baby, I would like to do a water birth. It sounds great.