Pregnancy & Birth

The Period Frown

The Period Frown

Tell me, tell me, please, I am not alone in suffering from the period frown.

That moment when you realize Aunt Flo has arrived and despite the fact that you are not even trying to get pregnant, actually you are trying to NOT get pregnant, you still frown at the thought of no new life growing inside you.

It is such a confusing feeling for me, I mean I don’t want to be pregnant….RIGHT? Wait, do I? No definitely I don’t. I am already stretched thin with caring for my three-year-old, and let’s be real, caring for my 30-year-old. Add two high-maintenance Yorkies and I literally can not clean up after anybody else’s bathroom mishaps.

Oh, but I do want a sibling for my son, and I do love that sleepy, nursing baby stage. It would be amazing, feeling a baby growing inside me again, and sharing the experience with the wild one.

But pregnancy was terrifying for me… the out-of-control feeling that accompanys pregancy is awful for a control freak, plus that inevitable spotting (I had with the wild one ughhhh) and what will for sure make an appearance is my heart pounding in my throat every time I wipe after going to the bathroom. Can I handle that again? I basically coped with it the first time by sleeping away 9 months of my life and eating grits all the time! Sleeping constantly not so much an option anymore with a three-year -old home 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Oh I could do it, time seems to fly now that I have a child and I could make grits in huge batches and just re-heat them, can you do that with grits? Man I love grits, mmmmm eggs and grits, cheese grits, shrimp grits, grits and anything!

No No No! The kid says he doesn’t want a baby. He actually does that thing with his lips like “get out of here!” Then I see him investigating other people’s babies and being so sweet… until he is not!

What is happening in my head?! Every month, every single stinking month I am plagued with the period frown. Not the period sigh of relief I used to get!

I am convinced while I am of prime baby-making age, this will stay with me. My years are numbered as well as my eggs in this department, I don’t want to waste either!

But I need to make sure all parties involved are ready, and that they will wear the no-period grin with me when the time comes… which maybe sooner than later… or maybe not… yes no yes no yes no yes no YES?!?

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  • Kristin
    May 30, 2013 at 4:12 PM

    I feel the exact same way. And my husband seems to be the exact same as yours. We had ‘that talk’ over the weekend and we definitely aren’t there yet. We have a 19 month old and she’s plenty to handle for now 🙂

    • Lauren
      May 31, 2013 at 12:34 AM

      When it is time you will know 😉 good luck enjoy that little one

  • Katrina
    May 30, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    Oh gosh…I’m not one to give my thoughts on this topic (mommy of nine, here, plus one more due on…well, he was due yesterday!) Anyway, I can’t help but to comment. Seems to me that if you truly did not want another little one, then you’d be happy to see your period each month. There would be a happy face on the calendar each month instead of a frown. Here’s the thing; rarely do people regret having a child. I never hear, “We should have stuck with just the one…” but I DO hear many say, “I wish we would have had another….” What does your husband want? Having two children is sometimes easier than having one. They play together. They have each other for company, which frees you up with alone time with the husband. Okay, I have nine – soon will have ten – so I am the extreme. You might just want to stop readying my comment right now, lol. But I really do feel that siblings can be a blessing to each other. And yeah…pregnancy…you do lose a lot of control with that. Ugh. The unknown. Will the baby be healthy? There is no guarantee she will be. Will the baby go full term? There is no guarantee that he won’t be born at 30 weeks instead of 40. Will I be sick and feeling lousy for the first 4 months? Yeah, you probably will. And that sucks! I hate it each time. BUT. It’s SO worth it. Right now….after this one is born…we are DONE. I love saying that word…and I also hate saying that word. I love it because, OHMYGOSH I’ve been pregnant and nursing for the past 20 years. Yeah, I’m looking forward to being done! But…I will miss it. I will miss feeling a baby roll around in my belly. I will miss the kind stares and the sweet comments that I get while walking around with my huge belly. I will miss my children kissing my belly and talking and planning for their new sibling. I will miss the newborn stage, the toddler stage, etc. I will miss it. I will. BUT I’ve had a good run with it, and I’m ready to hang up the old uterus. I can say without a doubt that I will have HAPPY FACES on my calendar each month when my period comes. I do NOT want to do this again. I feel done. My heart tells me that I am done. What about you – are you letting your heart guide you in this? or your fears? What does your heart tell you to do? Granted, there are a lot of people who choose to have one child. There is NOTHING wrong with that! I have quite a few friends who have one, and they are perfectly happy and fulfilled and content. And they KNOW they are done, for whatever reasons. But you don’t sound like that. To me, you seem to want another …more than you don’t. It’s a very hard instinct to fight, the want for a child. I thought I’d never get to that place where I wanted to be done. It scared me, actually, the thought that I’d never feel this peace. But I feel it. It feels good. You’ll know the feeling when you truly have it. I don’t think you have it yet 😉

    • Lauren
      May 31, 2013 at 12:37 AM

      You are totally correct I always knew I wanted another child just being such a planner I wanted to make sure it was the exact perfect time (no such thing!) so I struggled with that feeling of wanting another child and also not feeling quite ready. Mama of almost TEN you go, I love the stories of big families 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting

    • Katrina G.
      May 31, 2013 at 10:51 AM

      Lauren thank you for sharing! And Katrina, teehee…hang up the old uterus! I lol’d! And your comment about letting your heart guide you vs. your fears really hit home. Thank you both for your insight!

      • Lauren
        May 31, 2013 at 2:01 PM

        That made me giggle too.

  • Jana
    September 1, 2013 at 5:44 AM

    I appreciate this post. I relate completely. It is so validating to know this is how other women feel as well. Thank you for your transparency and honesty.