YOU put the baby to sleep!


Last week, after a full weekend of my parents visiting (which if you know me and know about my mom, you know that being around her for more than 30 minutes requires the patience of Zen Master), and then doing Penelope’s six month photo session, I was stressed.

Her photo sessions always stress me out, because I have huge expectations of what they will come out like and I want everything to be perfect. I have anxiety almost a full week before, picking out the right outfit and making sure her nap and feeding schedule work out to whatever time we have picked for her session.

This time, everything was going great, except we were doing the pictures outside, and of course, 15 minutes into the session it starts to rain.

Our photographer, Robin Adams, drives me crazy on delivery time of her product, but she is ROCK STAR with the actual photos. I know that she was able to get a bunch of beautiful pictures, even though our session was cut short. But by the end of the session, the entire family is soaking wet and Penelope is naked, and I am exhausted after running half a mile to the car, while holding my fatty-fat 20.5 pound baby.

Ok, so back to the main point, so after all that I was stressed. When we got home from the session, it was immediately time for bath. But it was lighting and raining and Peter said it wasn’t safe to take a bath while its lightening.

Um, OK, Peter (aka Mr. Safety), whatever you say.

So we skip bath and go straight to pjs and milk and listening to her lullaby cd. We usually do massage before bath and spend about 25 minutes in the bath. We have been doing this since she was 4 weeks old, so by skipping her bath, she was thrown all out of wack and it took an extra hour and half to go to sleep. Not to mention, I am sure she was stressed, because I was stressed.

After her full feeding, we lay down and nurse to sleep. Usually it takes 10 to 15 minutes and she is out.

But not tonight.

Tonight she was doing her song and dance routine for almost an hour. 45 minutes into this, I think man it would be so much easier, if I just let her cry it out (never gonna happen, so don’t worry), then I start getting super frustrated and then I remind myself to take deep breaths.

Now I am deep breathing.

Still frustrated.

I think to myself Ok, let’s try some chants of OM (in my mind, because Penelope would fall off the bed laughing if I did it out loud).

That’s not working either, because I can still feel my blood pressure rising. Oh and I forgot to mention, that I hadn’t eaten lunch that day (can blame Peter for that one, he brought home mac and cheese from New Leaf when I am not eating dairy right now), so I am laying down STARVING.

All I want, is for her to go to sleep, so I can eat something. By this point, I am praying, Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s and few “please God, I just want to eat something, is that too much to ask?!”

Penelope is wide awake.

She is loudly practicing saying all her words (Mama, Bubba and Papa) and doing her kicks. So now I am crying and begging her to go too sleep for the love of God. To that, she replied with giggles and more kicks. Then I decided that enough was enough and I picked her up, stormed out the room and sobbed/yelled for Peter.


Peter tried to comfort me, but I didn’t want to be comforted. I wanted to eat and wanted to be away from Penelope. He takes her for a walk and I sit down to eat. 40 minutes later, I am fed and happy and he comes back with an awake child, mind you, but all is well with the world and I am ready for round two.

As she falls asleep, ten minutes later, and I just watch her sleep for a few minutes. I feel guilty for getting so upset and being such an un-Zen yoga teacher and massage therapist. I also feel so thankful for having an awesome husband that is willing to take over the second I ask, even though he does bring home mac and cheese for lunch.

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  • Amber
    June 6, 2010 at 1:24 PM

    Its easy for mommas like us to forget that there's usually someone right around the corner able to help us out and its NOT a failure to ask for it! (although it always feels like it!!)
    good teamwork!

  • Stephanie
    June 7, 2010 at 2:20 PM

    Yes it is! Asking for help, is not one of my strong suits, but I am getting better at realizing my limits.

  • Sara
    June 9, 2010 at 3:10 AM

    I totally feel your pain about the sleep struggle. Now that Claire is teething AGAIN, naps and bedtime are becoming a challenge. Sometimes I spend an hour or more trying to get her to relax and sleep even though she is exhausted…very frustrating! It makes me hate all those people who have "good sleepers" even though I know that's mean! lol

  • Stephanie
    June 9, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    @Sara…sleep struggle is the worst. Last night was difficult again, she didn't go to bed till 9p. I am not sure if its a stage, because she is learning to crawl right now or if more teeth are coming it or what. I kind of feel like she is switching up her schedule too, going from 3 naps to 2…who knows! Its such a crap shoot!

  • Marcy
    June 14, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    I have had this kind of moment a few times recently and luckily Mert is always willing to take the baby especially when he can see I've reached my limit! The sleep struggle is TOUGH. Micah only sleeps two times a day and he's only 8 weeks! He's an insomniac 🙂

  • Berta
    August 4, 2010 at 4:18 PM

    I totally understand your pain and have been there many a time…now I try to grab a granola bar or something before starting the sleep routine – because it really is like an endurance event sometimes!

  • Stephanie
    August 5, 2010 at 3:22 AM

    @Berta…good idea! It reminds me of when I was pregnant. If I didn't have a granola bar in my purse or car, for when hunger strikes, you had better look out!

  • Gypsy Baby
    August 9, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    reading this made me laugh out loud and then cry…mainly because it is just so relieving to know other moms have the same struggles. I get so frustrated when mine won't sleep….and then I feel so, so guilty for losing it. There is an article from mothering mag called "mama rage" …it is really good and it was my first attempt to admit I get frustrated and annoyed by my kids sometimes..and it's ok, just deep breaths, deep breaths!!! thanks for your blog : ) I love it

  • Stephanie
    August 10, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    @Gypsy Baby…I read that article too, its a good one! Thanks for sharing, so glad you are here and like my blog.

  • Nicole
    December 5, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    LOL I had a moment like this last night, and I have an almost 14 month old. I have a cold from the depths of he&& and no energy to deal with a child that refuses to go to sleep. After trying to hold her and rock her (while she's screaming and fighting me the whole time) and wishing I, too, could resort to CIO (will never happen), I finally gave up, called my husband, and made him watch my daughter for a few minutes so I could calm down. Thank goodness for hubbies 🙂 lol

  • Stephanie
    December 5, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    @Nicole, hugs to you! I hope the cold goes away soon. 🙂