Tomorrow is the big day! I am super nervous but hoping for the best. A couple of days ago, I got my scoby in the mail to make my homemade Kombucha (tute coming soon, once I get the hang of it) and in the little box was a card that said nothing on it, except: Expect Miracles. It really got me thinking about my mindset going into this. Up until I saw that card, I was pretty doubtful that the Big Switch was going work. As I reflected a bit on this, I realized that I was feeling doubtful because I was trying to keep my hopes in check. My effort to keep my hopes in check is about me not wanting to get hurt if this doesn’t work out the way I hope.
Whenever I get excited about something my husband is always the first one to rain on my parade (as I see it) and give a me a list of reasons why whatever I am excited about is a not exactly a good idea or how it may not work out. Granted, he is usually doing it out of love. He doesn’t want me to get my hopes up about anything and in turn get my feelings hurt if it doesn’t work out. He also likes to say that he is a realist and that he is not thinking negatively, only realistically. He also does not believe that your thoughts attract your reality. Which of course, I am a huge believer in. I believe that what you think about is what you attract. For example, if you keep saying to yourself how broke you are, or how you can’t afford this or that…you get more broke and not being able to afford stuff from the universe. Whereas, if you think, “things are looking up! Soon I will be able to afford that! I can’t wait till I can afford it! And you picture yourself being able to buy it, etc. I think you are much more likely to actually accomplish your goal of not being broke.
So long story short, I was not being my usual positive thinking self, because I was trying to be a “realist” and not get hurt. Then I decided that I am going to risk getting hurt. I am going to 100% commit to the possibility of Penelope figuring out how to transfer more milk when she nurses and what it would be like to be free from pumping. I am going to jump off the ledge and dive in and not care if I get hurt. I am going to Expect Miracles.
Its kinda like how in labor, when you get to that point, where your only option is to move forward. You no longer care how much you are going to get hurt (physically or emotionally). You have to 100% commit and dive in, in order to meet your baby.
-We went to her Pediatrican yesterday, to have him look at a little spot of ezcema on her hand. I also asked him his opinion on my idea to quit bottles cold turkey and to gently force her to get more milk straight from the tap. I mentioned I would be willing to starve her out for two days. He laughed and said look at her! She is 22 pounds! She’s got plenty in reserve and she may not be hungry enough after two days. I would do 5. 5?! I say. Really? I respect her Dr very much so I am going to heed his advice, but not entirely, we are doing to do 4 days instead of 5. That means 4 days of only solid food and nursing from me. Right now she gets between 15 and 20 ounces of EBM in a bottle. This is the part that I am very nervous about. I really hope she figures it out quick and doesn’t loose any weight, even though she is chub and has plenty in reserves.
-I made her a picture book of all her nursing pictures. She seems to really like it. We read it and her other two nursing animals books several times a day.
-Tonight we are going to do a good bye ceremony for her bottles. I am not sure exactly what I am going to do, but I am going to give her an opportunity to say goodbye.
-We rented the scale yesterday and I am in the process today of weighing her to see how much she is taking in while she comfort nurses. You can use the scale on a baby up to 24 pounds, but let me tell you, it is very difficult to make a 10 month sit still on the damn thing long enough to get an accurate reading.
-I am still praying hard. If you have been too, thank you so much. Tommororw is the big day! For the next four days we are hunkering down and getting down to business. So keep us in your prayers and thoughts!